Living with Dogs have taught me one thing.
They are very greedy and selfish.
A dog may not want something but would rather hold on to it that let another person/dog have it.
If it’s a bone, that one na another matter,lol…
I just realized that O is acting like the typical Dog.
Bobo no want me again, I mean he showed me all the signs- Not calling, Not replying messages, Not picking his calls, always too busy to find time for me and all.
He even confirmed it(See last post)
He was staying away cos we’ve been having too many issues of late(his own words).
So what was I expected to do.
Stay put and let another man rub shit in my face?
I decided to move on.
I spoke to an older friend(yea, the same older friend I normally talk to) who is very experienced in love matters.
His advice was that I should send him a text of Finality.
A text that would show him that I was moving on.
According to him(my friend) his response will determine the next course of action.
I argued. “I don’t want to send any text… He wouldn’t even reply the text”
In response, my friend said:
“Aphro dear, if he doesn’t bother to reply the text then please, I beg you….PLEASE forget the guy, he doesn’t deserve you. Cut every tie between the both of you and move on. The man who will appreciate you will come.”
I finally agreed to send the text.
“We don’t have to be strangers just because we are no more in a relationship. My prayer for you is that you find someone to love and who will love you the way you always wanted. Bye.”
Surprisingly, he replied immediately.
“We need to talk. Will find time during the week to come by. Is that okay?”
I replied: “It’s okay”
During the week, he called me one evening on my way home from work to say he was about to leave the office to my place. I wasn’t home yet and it would still be an hour or so before I got home so I told him not to bother coming cos I was still far from home.
He said Fine. Tomorrow then?
Okay. I replied.
He went on.
“So why haven’t you called all this while?”
I was surprised at the question.
“Call? Have you forgotten that you normally ignore my calls?”
“Aphro, I would never ignore your calls baby…”
“Ha ha ha, that’s really funny, I cant believe you are saying that. Anyway, lets not argue. We’ll talk when we see”
The next day, I was missing him so I sent a text.
“How are you? Miss me?”
His reply came in immediately.
“Am doing okay dear. Do you miss me?”
“I asked you a question and you replied with the same question”
“I have been thinking about you everyday Aphro. I began to call other peeps your name. You mean so much to me. I didn’t mean to stay away, just dat I don’t wanna cos you more pain”
“I really cant understand how staying away is supposed to make things better. A relationship can only succeed if the two people involved work at it equally. Sometimes I feel that you are not ready for serious commitment. That can only be the explanation for your actions.”
“It’s not that dear. I am ready to settle down but at times you seem like someone else to me and we both become stubborn and misunderstand each other. I stay away cos I am confused”
“You say we both become stubborn, right? You know how we women get at times, you are the man, you should know how to calm me down and let me understand you”
“Yes, That is what u have decided and the feelings I have for you are noble enough for me to do the right thing and calm you down when the troubles begin to rage between us”
“You decided that? Who gave you that advice? Anyway we'll see later. am leaving for home now.”
That was the text banter we had.
I was supposed to see him last week but he didn’t show up.
I put it down to his been very busy at work and reasoned, the weekend was coming and there was the sallah hols on Monday & Tuesday so no matter how bad it was, he would be able to make out time during those four days to see me for the talk we were supposed to have.
Saturday came and went.
No word from him.
Monday evening, I sent a text.
“I thought we were meant to see but unfortunately, you are too busy even on public hols. Hope you enjoyed urself today”
“Sugar, I didn’t enjoy myself o! I was at the office all day. My pathetic story with my bank continues. Will try to come by tomorrow if I can”
Yeah right! I thought. I wasn’t buying that spending all day in the bank shit!
On Tuesday, I was determined not to stay at home waiting for his call so I went out with a girl pal of mine. We had fun and I was able to forget about him for a while until I got home.
Around 8pm, I couldn’t resist the temptation to call to find out if he was still coming.
The phone rang for a while and then cut off. He didn’t answer.
I slept off that night with my phone beside my pillow thinking he would call.
The next morning, I saw his text message.
“Hi angel, sorry I missed your call. Was meant to come over but didn’t finish at the office till about 10pm. I could have still come down to your place but I knew it would be too late for you to come out of your house”
I didn’t bother to reply it.
Jerk! What stopped him from calling back when he saw my missed call?!
I had started to gradually condition my mind to forgetting him finally.
I was really suceeding at it o cos I realized that I wasn’t thinking of him as much as I used to.
I admit, his not calling all these while kinda made things easier.
Only to get this text last nite:
“Listening to some of the love songs you used to sing to me and remembering how we fell in love, thinking of your beautiful face and our first tender moments. I miss you.”
Now it’s obvious, this guy is playing some serious game with me.
He doesn’t have the right to toy with my emotions this way.
He no want…He want…
Which one I go take?
He had better be clear as to what he wants cos I don’t want to be the bone in this dog's paw no longer...
I see that fine mongrel eyeing me,lol....
Katch ya guys!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Living with Dogs have taught me one thing.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Okay so I just called him now.
Yea, I know I said I wasn’t going to call again.
But guys, plzzzzzz don’t be too quick to crucify me.
I had to do it.
I don’t even know why.
I just know I had to call.
Maybe I was seeking some sort of explanation or closure…
Not sure which one it was
I know for sure, I wanted answers
I wanted to know where things stood.
I mean, relationships don’t just end like this…
One minute, you guys are good together,
The next everything is in disarray and it's like someone pulled the mat from under your feet and you are hanging in the air.
He left me hanging…
And I didn’t want that.
I needed closure. I needed to know that we were done.
I needed to hear it from his lips.
“Aphrodite, this relationship is over”
So I called.
He picked up at second ring.
I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. There is no way I was going to let show in my voice, how broken I was.
Well, after some small talk,
I went straight to the reason why I called.
“So you chose to dump me and are not man enough to tell me?”
“Is that what you want?”
I understood the game he was playing. Sly guy.
“It’s not about what I want, after all your actions these past weeks have shown me that you are no more interested in the relationship. How else do you explaining not picking my calls, replying my text messages. You won’t call even when you see my missed calls. How do you want me to interprete that?
To cut the story short.
His explanation was that we had been having a lot of quarrels recently and he just felt that he wasn’t adding any value to the relationship and he decided to just stay away since he was always making me unhappy.
What an excuse!
What was this guy going on about??
Didn’t all relationships have one problem or the other? Are couples not supposed to work out their issues?
In his own case, he doesn’t want to try to work things out rather he feels the best thing to do is to cut me off??
Gratefully, the line cut off. I didn’t call back. There was no point.
Did I get the answer I sought?
I don’t know.
* Saw his missed calls later on my phone. He probably called when I wasn't with the phone and No, i didnt call back.
On the side.
I just want to mention this to clear those who feel that O’s mum may have something to do with his behaviour.
Some days back. I just felt this urge to call her. O’s Mum , I mean.
The phone rang for a while but she didn’t pick.
I didn’t call back.
Later, I was sleeping when my phone woke me up. I glanced at the clock. It was a minute to midnight.
I picked up the phone and it was his mum calling. I pressed the green button but the line went off before I could answer so I called her back.
Our convo went something like this
Me: Hello ma
Her: Hello my dear. How are you? I saw your missed call on my phone.
Me: Yes mummy. I called you earlier but you didn’t pick up.
Her: Yes I left my phone at home then. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in a long while.
Me: I have been around.
Her: You know today is my birthday (It was past 12 midnight by now)
Me: Oh yea? I didn’t know o! Let me be the first to wish you a happy birthday. Happy birthday to you ma and I wish you God’s blessings.
Her: Thank you my dear. May God grant you all your heart desires.
Her: O is upstairs o! You want to talk to him? Should I call him?
Me: Noooooo! No ma. There is no need for that. Enjoy your birthday. Good night ma.
Her: Okay my dear. Good night.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thanks guys for all the love and concern you showed me when I was at my lowest. You guys are more like family than online friends. Everyday I thank God I started this blog, how would I have met all you wonderful peeps?
I am doing great, better than I ever thought I would. I still miss him-O, plenty but what can a girl do? A popular proverb in Igbo says “Person wey dem reject no dey reject imself”. I am trying to take my mind off him by burying my head in work (These days the piling desk is very welcome). And this weekend I'm going to register in the gym.
It’s all about me as from now on!
I have never been a ‘Clinger’ my whole life. By ‘Clinger’, I mean the person who tries to cling on to a loved one even when all the signs are there that he/she is not wanted. I have always believed that ‘Clinging’ is only postponing the ‘hangday’. If a partner is no longer interested in a relationship, he/she may take pity on you cos of your desperado moves(begging and clinging) but I assure you, it is only a matter of time before the insults start coming and you finally get dumped flat on your ass or probably you finally ‘wisened’ up and packed your ‘kaya’ out of the toxic relationship.
Even in my early days of relationships, I have never subscribed to the idea of ‘Clinging’. In fact, many of my friends know that I have always maintained the principle of ‘Leave before he breaks your heart’. Once you see the signs-He doesn’t call as he used to, he is always busy… he doesn’t answer when you call, he doesn't return your call or reply your messages….Girl plzzzzzzzzzz remove your slippers and start running. That guy is no more interested. He has probably found someone else and doesn’t know how to tell you. Let him go.
I almost became a ‘Clinger’.
I almost became the woman I never wanted to be.
I called, I texted, I called some more and texted some more too
Almost lost a sense of who I was because of a man…
Then it was like cold water poured on a sleeping man.
It hit me like a jolt.
I was becoming the ‘Clinger’
I had to stop and think…
I came here, blogged…
And you guys came through for me
You all gave me the wake up call I needed.
the strength I needed to let go.
I haven’t called for 8 days now.
I haven’t sent a text for 5 days now.
I have no intention of doing any of the above
I have decided to move on...
He doesn’t deserve an ounce of me
I will find my man, my love…
I believe it now
After that dream I had some nights ago…
I know it will happen
I believe it.
Friday, November 14, 2008
What do you do when the man you love so deeply doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings?
But why is it so hard to do?
What do you do when your every waking thought is just about this guy and he obviously isn’t sparing you any thought?
Let go and let him be.
But it just seems impossible.
What do you do when he doesn’t call, doesn’t pick up when you do, doesn’t call back and doesn’t even reply ur text messages?
Have some pride and don’t call too, he obviously doesn’t want to hear your voice which is why he hasn’t called.
But it’s taking all my will power restraining myself from calling him.
He says he cares…
But is this how to show it?
By giving me the cold shoulder?
Oh love! LOVE!!
I searched for you…
But you don’t want to stay with me…
Don’t I deserve you?
Don’t I deserve to be happy and bask in the love of someone I desire?
If you leave me, Love…
I just might let you be and search no more.
PS: Sorry for the long silence. Just been too depressed to write anything that won’t be gloomy and I didn’t want to spread the sadness too.
I hope I can come back here soon to give you guys the real gist as usual.
Love you all.
Friday, October 3, 2008
*Very Very long post alert* Read at ur own discretion,lol...
Sorry guys for not putting up this post earlier. Just been caught up with so many other stuffs. I haven’t been very happy too. Yea, O is the cause, who else? Fineboy agbero, oya gloat all you want, lol…
Am sure most of you already know that we were blessed with a long holiday these past days. FIVE WHOLE DAYS to rest and play! It was meant to be a wonderful one. I made so many plans. Plans on how I and O would spend the holiday together, enjoying each others company. Something which we haven’t been able to do in a while cos of his crazy work schedule. He is always working, even most weekends so you see why I was very excited about the holidays especially as it coincided with their bank’s financial year end and he had promised me that we would have enough time to spend with each other.
Things didn’t go as planned. We had one of our worst lovers tiffs during the period and well, yea the hols turned out to be a sad, boring and depressing one for me. I don’t know how it was for him. I dont know If he was as miserable as I was, but then he stayed away so I guess he was comfortable with the situation.
Why am I rambling?
I am supposed to gist you guys how the meeting with Sister Prayer warrior on Friday went. Okay I better start with that gist first, will still get to I and O’s issues later.
This post will be in two parts.
PART 1- MEETING WITH S.P
Friday morning, I didn’t go to work. I dressed up as decently as I could(Not that I don’t dress decently before o, just that I needed to polish up my good girl image,lol…). In my long gown, jacket and scarf, I drove down to Sister Prayer’s place. Incidentally, She lived in my vicinity so it was more like a 5mins drive.
My friend had told me she starts to see people from 9a.m so I wanted to get there on time cos I assumed there were going to lots of people there(you all know how our Naija peeps love prophecy and miracles) and I didn’t want to be the last on the line.
I got to Sister Prayer’s house at about five mins to Nine. It was a nice looking compound with a big white house. It wasn’t the usual prayer house setting. She held her prayers and consultations with people in her living room. It was more like a group of close family friends having a tea party thing, u get? I discovered that it wasn’t a crowd affair. All through the time I was there up till when she finally saw me, there were only about 8 of us. Three I had met there when I came and four others who came later. I shouldn’t have worried about coming late and being last in line cos there was no line. I learnt from one of the ladies I met there that sister prayer didn’t start her office till 10a.m so I had to wait one extra hour after I got there. I soon drifted off to sleep while waiting. Don’t blame me, the cushion was plush,lol…
From the look of her home, It was obvious Sister Prayer and her family were not hungry people. I remembered my friend telling me that she didn’t accept money or gifts from people. She always said that Jesus was providing for her family and she didn’t need anyone’s money. That helped to reduce my skepticism cos I was always wary of those prayer warriors that ask you to bring money for all sorts of things ranging from oil to candles and all what not. Some even tell you to pay for people who will fast for you if you cant do it urself, imagine!
Back to my gist…
At about 10a.m, Sister prayer(let’s call her S.P from now) came into the living room. She wasn’t as old as I had expected. She looked to be in her early forties. She greeted everyone and asked that we knelt down for prayers. Sorry, I didn t menton this earlier. S.P is catholic which was one reason I agreed to go see her. I am also catholic and I can tell you that in the catholic church, stuffs like prophets, visioners, prayer warriors are not that common. The church frowns at them not cos it is wrong or anything but because they believe that a lot of times, it is difficult to discern btw those who are working with the power of God and the fake ones who are working with the devil so before the church recognizes a person to be a prophet/prayer warrior they must have done a lot of investigations spiritually and otherwise to be sure he/she is working under the dictates of the holy spirit. I decided to go see S.P cos my friend also told me that the priests in my parish recognized her and were aware that she held prayers and counseling sessions in her home.
After the prayers, she started to call people one after the other to a corner of the living room(the dining area) where she had set up a mini-office.
Soon enough, it got to my turn. After introducing myself, I explained the reason I was there. I was having a lot of suitors and I needed to know the will of God concerning my marriage. She smiled and spoke very softly(She had the softest voice). She talked about how first of all, I needed to amend my life and get closer to God in prayers. She asked about the last time I received communion which I must confess had been a long time (Una no say aphro na big sinner now. Number 1 sin-FORNICATION,it’s a sin whether we like to admit it or not).
We talked for a while. During the discussion, she made me see reason why I needed to go to confession and renew my relationship with God all over. She also gave me some prayers to say for a month after which I should come back to see her and by then she would have a message from God for me.
It wasn’t what I had expected. I mean, I had expected her to lay hands on me or something and start seeing visions or something but it wasn’t like that. It was more like a conversation with a friend. She made me feel very comfortable and after the session, my heart was made up that she was for real. I must add tho that while she was talking, I was wondering what to do with O cos if I go to confession, I couldn’t continue in the same sin. I couldn’t continue making love with him although am not sure if kissing and touchery is also out of the question.
Guys, I need your opinion on this. Am thinking, if he is really sincere, it shouldn’t be a problem, right?
I haven’t started the prayers yet. I plan to go for confession this weekend then start the prayers afterwards.
Okay, so that was how my meeting with S.P went.
PART 2- HOLIDAY QUARREL
O had told me some time past that his mum was eager to meet me and he wanted me to meet her on Sunday(last Sunday). I agreed.
So Sunday morning, after church, He called to say he was coming to get me in the afternoon. I was apprehensive. What if she didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like her? He waved off my fears saying she loved me already and It was just a formality.
So I got dressed up, looking like a cute, good girl in my white shirt and red top,lol…
To cut long story short. The meeting with his mum went well. we hit it off rightaway. She regaled me with gists about O from when he was a kid. It was obvious she thought the world of her son. I laughed hard when she said “My son is a hot cake o!” I responded “Mama, I am a hot cake too o…ask my mama” All in all, it was a fun meeting. She brought out a bottle of wine and asked O to say a prayer over it. It was funny cos I didn’t know he could pray like dat. After the prayer, we shared the drink while listening to his mum's non-stop gists.
O stylishly whispered in my ears that we had to leave cos his mum would go on and on if we let her. Hugs and bye-byes done, we left for the mall to see a movie.
We didn’t do the movie again cos it was too late when we got there and I didn’t want to stay out too late. So we decided to do some window shopping in some of the stores there. While walking around the stores, I noticed O wasn’t looking bright and he wasn’t responding to me like before. I kept asking what was wrong with him and he kept saying “nothing, I’m okay”. It was soon obvious that he wasn’t okay and I kept badgering him to tell me what was wrong. After much pressure he told me he wasn’t feeling too well, he was feeling dizzy. I insisted we sit down somewhere so he could rest. After some time, I asked if he was feeling better and he said yes. It was getting late so we had to leave. I offered to drive us home even tho I don’t drive a manual car but he refused saying he could manage. As we walked to the car park, I noticed he kept wincing so I asked again how he was feeling. He didn’t reply. I kept asking but he wasn’t talking.
On the drive back home, I asked again. He still didn’t talk, just kept wincing like he was in pain. Then I asked If there was anything I could do to make him feel better. He said No, and that just being there was enough. Seeing as he didn’t want to talk anymore I decided to keep quiet but in my heart I was feeling sad and miserable cos I didn’t like to see him like dat.
At a point, during the drive he spoke:
“Aphro, why are you sulking? Be yourself, sing, dance for me like you used to”
But I wasn’t in the mood for singing and dancing so I replied “I don’t feel like…”
We didn’t talk to each other after that although I kept sneaking glances at him. He had stopped wincing and was beginning to look okay. I soon drifted off to sleep only to wake up when he drove into my close. I turned to look at him and he asked “So have you finished sulking?” I was like “I wasn’t sulking, just felt that you didn’t want to talk so I kept quiet”
Next he started talking about how uncaring I was and how I was supposed to know what to do to make him feel okay. I was like "What did you expect me to do? You weren’t even talking to me. When I asked how you were feeling, you wouldn’t respond. I just assumed you wanted to be left alone"
I don’t even know how it happened but next thing, he was screaming at me“Stop it aphro, just stop it! I am fed up of this attitude of yours. It doesn’t always have to be about you everytime"….I was shocked at his outburst. This wasn’t the first time he was making that statement about it being all about me always.
“All about me? You keep saying this everytime when it is really you who makes it all about you everytime…” I tried to stop the tears but they were already flowing. When he saw I was crying, he reached for my hands and stroked them while I cried on in silence. I finally pulled myself together and said quietly “I should be going”. He nodded and I got down from the car. No goodbyes, no kisses, nothing.
Maybe I shouldn’t have left that way but I felt hurt at what he had said. There I was trying to reach out to him, if possible bear some of his pain and he wasn’t responding to me. Maybe I shouldn’t have given up easily, maybe I should have tried another approach to make him feel better but one thing I know is I never make it all about me like he said.
Later when I had calmed down, I sent him a text.
“Hope you got home safe. Sorry for this evening. I really wished I could do some thing to lessen ur pain but sadly I couldn’t be for you what you wanted. I want ur happiness always but I may not be the girl for you. Loved meeting ur mum anyway, she is cool. Good night”
His reply didn’t come until after I had slept. I saw his missed calls and text the next morning.
“Nice touch about you not being the girl for me. It’s very amusing especially after just meeting my mum. Trying to tell me something?”
Later that Monday he called on the phone. Our conversation went something like this:
O: How are you? Haven’t you been seeing my missed calls?
Me: I have…
O: So? You couldn’t call back or what?
Me: I didn’t have credit(Lie)
O: Okay. So what did you mean by you not been the girl for me?
Me: Just what I meant. That maybe we are not meant for each other. I have never been a quarrelling person but with you, its almost as if we are always quarrelling over the littlest things
O: Oh yea? You know what Aphro? If that’s the way you see it, then do what you want.
The line went dead. He dropped the phone.
I couldn’t believe it. Did he just drop the phone on me? I wanted him to apologise for making me cry yesterday and here he was dropping the phone on me. I made up my mind, I wasn’t going to call him. If that’s the way the relationship would end, then so be it.
Meeeen, this has got to be my longest post ever!
To wrap up this gist, he didn’t call back. I didn’t call him too so the rest of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday was spent with me wallowing in depression, resisting the temptation to call him and wishing he would call. I had to drag myself out on Wednesday to go see a movie although it wasn’t fun without him. I even sent him a text to wish him a happy independence day which he didn’t reply.
Thursday morning, I finally called him. I was upset he hadn’t bothered to check on me or even reply my text. He couldn’t give any excuse and apologized for not replying or calling. Later he sent me a text:
“Happy Independence day my love. This text is dated 01/10/08”
Can you believe this guy?!!!
Maybe I should just forget about this whole love business and settle with B.G, K or Bobo Nice.
The stress is too much!
Ur opinion guys?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
This morning, I hooked up with B.G for breakfast. It had been a while(like 5 months) since we last saw. Yes, he called and sent texts regularly but anytime he tried to initiate a hook up, I always came up with some excuse or the other. I wanted him to understand that we were over and I was with someone else now but it was obvious that was a fact he wasn’t ready to accept.
So why did I finally agree to do breakfast wit him today? I don’t even know myself. Just that I thought, what da heck? It was just breakfast right? But I was wrong. It wasn’t just breakfast for him. He wanted to talk. Talk about us. About why we broke up and how he wanted us to get back together.
He looked good. Better than the last time I saw him. I had to compliment him on his look.
Breakfast was okay and he had a lot to say. He really wants us to get back together. He can’t see himself with any other woman except me. He hasn’t been able to open up to any other woman since I left him. The last time he had sex was with me and so on.
He wanted to know what the issues I had with him were so he could make amends and try to right the things that went wrong. How do I begin to tell a guy that I left him because he wasn’t a sharp dresser or his tee-shirts always had holes in them and his apartment lacked taste? Yea, I know, it sounds shallow abi? The truth is I probably didn’t love him cos if I did those things wouldn’t matter or would they?
Well, after much prodding from him as to why I left him. I had to mention some of the things above like his dress sense, his lack of taste and all. I was surprised at his reaction. He actually agreed with me that those were enough reason for me to have left. He told me that he was already working on himself as I could see(I told you he was well dressed). Then he asked me: “Aphro, if I got a better apartment, improved my dressing and got a new car. Do we still have a chance?” I didn’t say a word but I thought about his question. Would I go back to him? i didn't think so. Why? Because I was in love with someone else, Simple!
I didn’t say that to him though but am sure he understood what my silence meant cos he looked forlorn and disappointed. Then he went on:
“A new car, beautiful apartment, new clothes, all that would not mean anything to me if you are not there to share them with. You are the only woman whose compliment on my appearance matters to me. I want you to be the first woman to sit in my new car, I want to share the new apartment with you and you are the only woman I want to make love with on my new bed”
Na wa o!
This guy serious no be small. If only O can be as serious and in love as this, then I no get problem,lol...
Anyway, we had to cut the breakfast short. I had to get back to the office, same with him too. However we had an understanding. I had no plan of ending my relationship to get back with him and my suggestion was that he should try to open up to other women cos life doesn’t start and end with Aphrodite. He didn’t agree with this though, cos for him, there is nothing to live for without me.
It’s times like this that it hits me hard in the face. LIFE IS NOT FAIR!
On to something else.
A friend visited me last Sunday. She just recently got married. So we were talking about stuff and as usual with young women, the topic drifted to marriage issues. We both agreed that it was important to pray very hard before one takes the plunge into marriage but then she took it a bit further. According to her, it is very good to consult with prayer warriors who will seek the face of God regarding the marriage and tell you whether to go ahead or not. She told me her own experience.
She was supposed to get married about 3 years ago but before going ahead with the marriage plans, her mum went to this woman, a prayer warrior who prayed about it and told them not to go ahead cos he wasn’t her husband. She really liked the guy but decided to heed the woman’s advise. Today the guy is dead and she is very happy she didn’t marry him cos she would have been a widow by now.
I asked if she went to the prayer woman before accepting her current husband’s marriage proposal and she said Yes and that the woman had said she should go ahead, that God was in support.
Then she suggested that I see the woman because of all the guys coming for my hand (B.G, K, Bobo Nice and O) cos the person I want may not be the right one for me.
I don’t know if I should go cos am thinking, what if the woman says its Bobo Nice or K that is my husband and that O is not the man for me? Will I leave O and marry Bobo Nice just cos someone said that was what God said?
I no sure o.
So my friend has arranged for me to meet with this woman tomorrow. She only sees people on Tuesdays and Fridays. I have even got my boss’s permission to miss work tomorrow but am still undecided.
Should I go?
What do u guys think?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Hmmm…so I have been gone for a while. I am so sorry people. Had to make an emergency work-related trip but am back in Lasgidi now.
Princesa dearest, sorry I couldn’t make it to the SBR as promised. I hope I get to pick up my T-shirt really soon. Saw the pics, they were nice.
Nikki and Oluwadee, the vows have been exchanged now right? Wish you both a happy and blissful married life with the men you love. Very very soon we go join una, all the single babes/guys out there shout a big amen…AMEN!!!!
Ehen...So besides work, what has been happening to Aphrodite? That’s the question right?
Aphrodite has been good. Things with O have been pretty cool. Fineboyagbero sorry to disappoint you bro but it doesn’t look like I will come crying to you about O anytime soon if he keeps things up the way they are right now. He made me a promise to be more dedicated to our relationship. So far he has been trying sha. Giving me attention and all and you all know how much I crave attention,lol…
X is totally out of my life now. I hope.
Doll, bumight, Flo, am sure you are happy to hear this cos you guys have really been on my case to Fashi him totally.
How did I finally get rid of him? Well, I didn’t really do anything o…he kinda got rid of himself by himself,lol…
So the last time I saw him was the day after my birthday.
On my birthday he had sent me a text to wish me happy birthday. He couldn’t even call. He sent me a text! I got tons of text that day even old pals from school that I hadn’t heard from in years sent me a text! So what was the big deal? I didn’t expect just a text from him. I expected that he would have called at least even if he couldn’t send a card, gift or a cake after all he’s been claiming to love me abi?
Truth be told, he had visited me a few days before my birthday and brought up the Ghana trip issue. Remember I told you guys he had suggested taking me to Ghana for my birthday but I declined the offer. Going to Ghana with him would automatically mean that I had accepted him back cos we would have to share a room or something and you know now, something fit happen wey person no plan,lol…
Anyway so that day he came around before my birthday, he brought up the Ghana trip issue again and I declined again. Then he said fine, so how are we going to spend my birthday as in where do I want him to take me to here in Lagos. I was like I didn’t want to go anywhere. I just wanted a quiet birthday. No celebrations, nothing. He kept pressuring and I kept insisting I didn’t want to go anywhere. Finally he gave up.
But even though I had said I wanted a quiet birthday devoid of fanfare and all, does it stop him from sending a gift or cake now my people? That I didn’t want to celebrate didn’t mean I wasn’t going to accept gifts now. Anyway that was how he(X) didn’t even call on my birthday much less send a gift or try to see me. He merely sent a text.
So I still had a grouse with him when he walked into my office a day after my birthday smiling one kain big smile like dat. There was a half-cut cake on my table. Bobo Nice had sent it on my birthday and I had shared part of the cake amongst my colleagues in the office. X opened the cake box and exclaimed: “Hey! Cake…Nice!! So do we get a slice?”
I looked at him. The bobo no dey shame sef, he want chop cake when he no even fit call me wish me happy birthday. No be only cake he go chop, na KAKE! Looking him straight in the eye, I said: “So you want to eat the cake someone else sent? Which one did you bring along while coming abi you didn’t know my birthday was yesterday? Or you didn’t know that they use cake to celebrate birthdays?”
Harsh, I know. But I meant it to be.
The guy just stared at me speechless. He wasn’t expecting that from me.
After some moments, he replied: “But you don’t even know if I brought something for you and it is in the car” I was like “Okay so if it is in the car, go and bring it now…” He didn’t move an inch. I knew he hadn’t brought anything and was just trying to bluff.
Anyway, what I said to him touched him cos even when I offered him the cake, he refused to eat. Wetin be my own? Beg him to eat the cake? I no send anybody o!
He later explained that he felt hurt when I refused his proposal to take me out on my birthday and he assumed that I had plans to spend my birthday with someone else which was why he didn’t bother calling or coming around. He was right sha cos I did spend my birthday with O but then I still don't think that was enough reason for him not to at least call.
He stayed a while in my office and then left and since then I haven’t heard a word from him. He hasn’t called or dropped by. Me thinks he has finally advised himself. Good for him, if that’s the case. Yesterday as I was leaving for home in the evening, I saw him outside his office. I don’t know if he saw me and pretended not to but me I just did like I didn’t see him sha and went on my way.
So that is all on X for now.
On to Bobo Nice.
I told you guys he just got his own apartment abi? So last week he called me and begged that I help him get some stuff, you know house hold stuff and all that. He hasn’t got a girlfriend and couldn’t do it by him self. Being the good friend that I am now, I agreed to help him purchase the stuff so he sent the money across.
Last Saturday morning, I packed all the stuff I had bought down to his place. I was helping him set up his kitchen when his elder brother came in. We had met at the wedding of another brother of his some time back so he recognized me. We exchanged pleasantries and he went into the sitting room.
Later on while I was showing Bobo Nice how to operate some of the kitchen stuff, his brother joined us and was like I shouldn’t bother teaching Bobo Nice how to use the appliances, I should just pack my load and come and take my place in the house. We all laughed about it especially Bobo Nice. I wanted to say something like “No o…its not my place o cos Bobo Nice is not my boyfriend or husband” but I just decided to let things lie. From his comment tho, I could see that he (Bobo Nice’s brother) assumed that we were dating and to even worsen things, Bobo Nice kept calling me Baby in front of him. I didn’t know what he had told his bros about me but I made a mental note to discuss it with him later cos he was obviously giving the wrong impression. On impressions, it also occurred to me that anyone who walked in on us as I was busy arranging and setting up stuff in the house would automatically assume I was Bobo Nice’s girlfriend so maybe I was at fault too. Maybe I shouldnt have accepted to help him but it was too late to regret anyway.
I didn’t get to talk about it with him cos I had to leave in a hurry and he was with his brother. Later on that day, he sent me a text thanking me for the help and everything. In the text message he had also sent a recharge card pin number and asked that I credit my phone with it. It was more like a thank you gift. Also in the text message, he talked about how he would be the happiest man if only I would accept him as a life partner. I sent him a reply thanking him for the credit and I also said that as for marriage, I couldn’t consider it cos my heart is with someone else. His reply came shortly. He was finally accepting defeat but advised that I look well before leaping so I do not make a mistake.
I thanked him for the advise. Bobo Nice is a great guy. I do not doubt for a second that he would make a great husband but it’s just unfortunate that I don’t have feelings for him. Sometimes when we are together, I look at his lips and cannot imagine me kissing them. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t have ‘pomo’ lips or anything but I just don’t find them sexy. I love Kissing and I need to find the lips of the man am going to marry attractive, don’t you think so? LOL......
I have this aunt that thinks that am making a mistake by not accepting Bobo Nice as a husband. When she asked me what my reason for not wanting to marry him was and I replied “I don’t find his lips attractive”. She thought I was crazy,lol…according to her, there are important things to consider in marriage and the lips or dentition of guy doesn’t count as one. Her opinion sha. I still think, I need to be physically attracted to my man abeg. Like O for instance now, you won’t beg me to kiss him. I LOVE KISSING HIM!
Okay, so that’s it for Bobo Nice gist.
I have got work to get back to people. I know I have been slacking in visiting blogs, make una no vex, will try to remedy that.
See you around...Love you all plenty plenty!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Okay so I didn’t plan to spend the night in the arms of O. It just happened.
We had not been talking.
It had taken all the will power I had in me to stop myself from calling him all this while.
He had been sending all those texts that made me wonder if he really missed me as he claimed…I mean...what stopped him from calling?
Anyway Monday afternoon(the day before my birthday), I couldn’t hold out any longer. I missed him terribly and wanted us to see and talk so I sent this message.
“Hey what’s up? Can we see this evening?’
He replied shortly.
“Yes we can. I’ll be right over as soon as am through in the office”
So I got home from work and waited.
Soon enough, he arrived all smiles as if we never had any issues.
I kept a straight face sha, we had issues and they needed sorting out!
So we went to this hangout. Nice place. Poolside and music. Really romantic.
About a lot of stuff. Random stuff. How have you been and all….
He asked about my birthday and how I intended to spend it. I didn’t have any plans to celebrate, I told him.
Then he told me he had missed me so much and the past days had been pure hell. Each time he picked up his phone to call, he had to drop it right back cos he didn’t know what to say to me. He knew exactly what I wanted to hear-“Baby let’s get married immediately!” but he really needed time, a few months to sort some things out.
I was like…. I wasn’t asking for marriage immediately o! I just needed to define where we were headed. What you wanted from me and all…
He said, okay so we are on the same page then. Why did we have to put ourselves through all that emotional turmoil? I really want to marry you aphro…all am asking for is some time.
I was silent.
Soon we drifted off to some other random stuffs. It felt so good to be in his company again, laughing at silly jokes like old times.
Time to leave came sooner than I wanted but we had to go, it was getting late. There were no plans to spend the night together as at then yet.
He was dropping me off in front of my house. We said our good nights and I made to get down when he pulled me back and claimed my mouth with his.
It was a mind blowing kiss!
“Baby, can we spend this night together? I just want to wake up next to you on your birthday” he pleaded.
“No way hosey! We still got unresolved issues. Sex will just complicate things right now”
“Who is talking about Sex? I just want to be with you baby. Hold you in my arms all night. I have really missed you so much”
“He he he he he…you hold me in your arms all night? Why does that sound so unbelievable?”
“Let me prove it to you. nothing is going to happen dear”
“No way…NO WAY! Just go home okay? It’s getting late already”
I got down from the car.
He got down too and came over to my side.
I looked at his face. I guess that was my undoing. He had this sad, lost puppy look on his face that melted my heart. What da heck! I also wanted to be with him so damn the torpedoes!
“Okay, okay, lemme get my stuff”
I didn’t regret spending the night with him.
He popped a bottle of wine at midnight and toasted to me. It was lovely.
Some other things went down too,lol…
Yes, he didn’t keep his promise....
Okay I admit, he did try but na me no let am,lol…
Anh…anh don’t blame me jooo…
Since that last time, nothing…nothing and we’ve only done it that once o! We dey try abi?lol….
And he also apologized formally.
I was standing in front of the mirror brushing my hair when he hugged me from behind.
“I know I have been an ass lately love. I am so sorry. Forgive me baby…”
I smiled. I had already forgiven him. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t be in that hotel room with him.
Okay so I subscribe to this daily horoscope reading thing. This morning in my mail, I saw this.
My Romantic horoscope reading for today:
“How unrealistic are your goals when it comes to love? Do you think your lover will be a drop-dead gorgeous genius with the patience of a monk and the passion of a tango instructor, or are you cool with just dating a mere human? Time to reassess reality.”
I was staring the hard stark truth in the face…sometimes these readings are right on point o!
You know what?
I'm smiling like a cat that just drank a big bowl of milk right now.
O and his elder sister just left my office now. She sells stuff as in jewellry, clothes and perfumes and he brought her so I could pick what I wanted from her stock.
It wasn't just the fact that he wanted me to pick something from her that tripped me. It was the fact that HE LEFT WORK! If you know how tight it is for this bobo to leave office eh? You go understand wetin I mean.
Anyway, his sister's stuffs were expensive o...
I didn't want to be greedy and just took a bottle of perfume (Jennifer Lopez-Live) and a watch although his sis was urging me to take more.
I was like "We don't want to finish our money o"lol...
Even at that, the stuff I took came to about 25K.
In my mind, I was like E no go better say them give me the money cash?
He He he He...No mind my Ijebu traits,lol...
Haa...i just received a text from O now on my phone.
I'll share it with you guys.
"Aphro.....I can call ur name all day and night and it wouldn't be able to convey the depth of my love for you. You are the music of my life. Shall we dance?"
The bobo dey impress me sha...
Abeg make una leave me o...
I be Madam Mushy today, lol...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
It's my birthday today and am deliriously happy!
No, not just cos it's my birthday but you see...
I WOKE UP IN THE ARMS OF THE MAN I LOVE!!!
Did I wake ur curiousity?lol....
Gist coming up...
In the meantime, get ur gifts ready. If you impress me, I just might be back with the juicy gist before you know it,lol...
Monday, August 25, 2008
How was ur weekend. Hope it was blast. Mine was just there but hey, I can’t complain! Am alive and well this beautiful Monday and there is every reason to be grateful for that, abi?
Thanks for your kind and as usual, sincere comments on this blog. I appreciate you all.
Today what gist do I have for you? Plenty as usual…you know how it is now, lol…lots of you have already dubbed me ‘The girl with a drama-filled love life’. Anyway, I no argue at all. I know you guys are right. My love life reach to act Nollywood home movie sef,lol…
This morning on my way to work. I was just thinking about everything that has been happening of late and before I knew what was happening, the tears were welling up in my eyes. Why are things not working out the way I want them to? Since my adolescent years up until now, I have never lacked male attention. In fact I get more than my necessary due. Unfortunately, most times, the attraction is not mutual. I get guys that are fallin over themselves to get my attention but who I don’t feel an iota of attraction for. It is a really rare thing for me to find a man who I love. In all my years of relationships with the opposite sex, I have only being in love with a few but the thing about me is that when I actually fall in love with a person, I fall really hard but then again, I don’t believe in stupid love o…as in mumu blind love wey no dey see road. You go know say man no send you yet you go dey die put for there. God forbid bad thing abeg!
I have been very lucky that the few men I have loved have reciprocated equally or even more sef. Well that is until now…until O.
God knows I love this man(O) with all my heart. My mum called it infatuation(I’ll come to that in a minute) but it is really sad and painful that he doesn’t feel the same way. He may have feelings for me like he claims but the truth which I have come to realize is that the feelings he claims to have are not as strong or deep as the ones I have for him.
Abeg, lemme stop lamenting and take you guys through what has been happening in the past few days.
So it was last Thursday that O dropped in to see me at work. He said he was coming back later on but I didn’t see him after that day up until this moment. I tried to resist the urge to call him up to find out if all was well but then I couldn’t stop myself from sending him a text yesterday.
“Was thinking you would have called or tried to see me this weekend. Its times like this that makes me really wonder if you truly care. Happy Sunday anyway”
He sent a reply:
“Traveled out of town for a training. I am actually in transit now. Miss you much…”
Hmmm…na wa o…I didn’t buy that excuse cos even if he had to travel, he should had mentioned it that day he came around, or even called to tell me. Everywhere in Naija has GSM network now even my remote little village so he can't say he doesn't have network wherever he is. I mean, he replied my text so what stops him from calling?
My prayer this morning was “Dear God please help me forget this guy. He is causing me too much heartache abeg…”
Saturday morning, I woke up very depressed. It was almost like I didn’t want to wake up if it wasn’t to O’s phone call so I just laid in bed feeling sorry for myself(yea, even I feel ashamed of myself,lol…). Finally I decided to send a text to Bobo Nice. I had recently told him about my feelings for O so I was sure he wouldn’t hassle or stress me with pleas to consider him like either B.G or K would. So I texted him: “Am bored and depressed. Don’t wanna stay home all day feeling sorry for myself. Would love to hang out. Are you free?”
In a few minutes, his call came. He was very worried about me and wanted to know why I was depressed but I told him it wasn’t stuff we could talk about over the phone and that I’d tell him when we see. He informed me that he had just gotten a new apartment and was heading over there to set things up so I offered to come help him set up and after we were through, we could hang out somewhere and talk over drinks. He liked the idea so as soon as we ended the call, I got out of bed and went to get ready to head over to his new place.
Later on, dressed up and on my way out of the house, my mum asked me where I was going to and I told her. She knew Bobo nice cos he had come to the house a couple of times and even called her on her birthday. So she asked “Hmmm…so it’s Bobo Nice now?” I knew exactly what she meant and I replied “Noooo! Mummy, Bobo Nice is just a friend now…you know that. although he wants something more but I don’t love him like that. He is almost like a brother to me”.
She said “But he is a good boy and he is very God fearing” I rolled my eyes “Mummy! I don’t love him like that!!” She laughed and joked in Ibo “My child, whoever did this to you it will not work for him/her o!” lol…I burst out laughing and said “It will not work o!” My mum like many other mothers is concerned and wants her first daughter to get married and since it isn’t as if there is a drought of suitors, she doesn’t understand why it is taking me so long to make a decision. I don’t blame her at all, even me, I don’t even understand myself,lol…
Anyway, she went on “So who is the person you love? The Edo boy?” I nodded.
She said, “You have known Bobo Nice for four years now, yet you don’t love him and this one you just met six months ago, you love him. My dear, what you are feeling is infatuation”
I laughed. “Infatuation? I don’t think so mum”.
How could this thing I feel be infatuation? This feeling is much deeper than any fleeting thing. I really, really care for O, imperfections and all. I don’t even care that one of his front teeth is broken (he had a bad fall when he was kid). Trust me, I used care about such things,lol…
Anyway after a few arranging and rearranging in Bobo Nice’s place, we went to a nearby eatery for lunch and there he asked.
“ So Aphro, what is depressing you?” I didn’t wish to discuss it again cos I didn’t want to make him feel bad. You know, you love a girl and she is telling you how she is feeling heartbroken over another guy and all that. That should make anybody feel bad so I declined from discussing it. I just shrugged off his question with “Oh that! I was just in a funny mood then. Don’t worry, am over it now. Am not feeling depressed anymore”
He didn’t buy my explanation and kept insisting that I tell him what the problem was.
So I asked “What if it is about another guy? Would you still want to hear about it?” He said “Sure…of cos! I want to hear every little detail”.
So I told him every thing. I emptied my heart and poured out all my troubles and frustrations of the past days. At the end of it all. He said to me. “Aphro, I’ll tell you the truth. When a guy says to a girl that he wants to take things a day at a time, he isn’t sure he wants to commit yet and probably has other options he is considering. I am not saying this cos I want you but because it is the truth”
Bobo Nice’s response only served to re-enforce what I already knew. O isn’t ready for serious commitment and even though on his last visit he had said otherwise, I am still not convinced. Even his attitude these past days don’t depict a man in love.
Is it just me who thinks that he is sending mixed signals?
I just want to be over him, serious!
I know he’s got a lot of fans but you guys, just look at things objectively abeg…is he treating me right?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Oh my God!
Guys guess who just left my office now.
I was standing at the reception talking with a colleague when he walked in. My heart did a backflip, I swear. You know, it was just so unexpected like he is the last person I expected to see this morning.
I led the way to my office and thankfully, my colleague who I shared office with wasn’t around so we had all the privacy we needed.
Long and short of the tory is that. Bobo has been miserable for the past one week and doesn’t want me to give up on us easily. I told him, I had already given up and was trying to heal. He said he was going to pretend he didn’t hear that. “Trying to heal over what now?” he asked.
Anyway, he is ready to meet my folks and wants me to meet his mum but then again he still wants us to take things a bit slow. In his own words “Let’s us grow together Aphrodite”.
I asked him “O tell me the truth, do you think you are psychologically ready for marriage” and his reply was “Yes I am very ready”.
"I hope I am not pressuring you or anthing. I want my husband to be crazy about marrying me and not feel that that I pressured him into doing so"
"Babes, stop saying that now. I am crazy about you, serious!"
Me I don’t know what to do again o. I’m kinda confused. I am still very much in love with him. In fact lemme confess. He was sitting far from me o, but do you know when he left, I realized my panties were soaking wet. Kai dis my treacherous body!
He has left now. He had an official assignment outside the office and used the opportunity to drop by although he promised to come back as soon as he is through with the assignment.
The last thing he said to me before he left was “Aphrodite, I love you. I really do”.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Woah! It’s been a while o. How una dey? I deliberately avoided blogville these past few days cos a lot has been on my desk and y’all know how distracting this place can be. Once you click, you can’t stop,lol…
I have been well o. Never knew I had so much emotional strength in me. Been holding on, even tho I must admit it’s been very tough for me. I havn’t called O since our last encounter. He called once tho, I think on Saturday morning. He didn’t say anything new anyway. Talked about how he loved me but needs to put certain things in place first(things like getting his place o) before talking about marriage. I told him that I understood very well that he wasn’t psychologically ready for marriage. He said No, that it was more like physically ready not psychologically ready. Anyway after that brief conversation over the phone, he hasn’t called again till now and today is what? Wednesday! He sent a text yesterday evening tho :“To say I miss you is a huge understatement. This has been one of the most difficult periods for me, being away from you. I believe things will still work out for us”
Na wa for this guy o. His actions does not convey what he is saying. Na im sabi joo! I don’t intend to reply him anyway but if I say that my feelings for him are dead then I would be lying. I don’t know if I’ll be able to be all mean and cold if I see him face to face,lol…
So on to other tory…
I may just have chased X away for good o…
Okay, thing is that I have been a bit blue of late cos of O’s issues and all and somehow too, I have also been venting my frustrations on X. Not that I have said anything o but my actions have said it all.
X’s mum has been in his place for close to two months now. She came visiting from the East. X actually informed me the day she arrived that his mum was round and that he would love for me to visit and meet her cos she has been asking of me and all(yea, he’s told her about me. His popsie is late). I agreed that I was going to come see her but truth is I never had plans to. I just didn’t want to argue with him but two months down the line and she preparing to leave back to the east. The pressure from X to see her mounted.
Last week, X had told me that she was leaving on Sunday(last Sunday) and I promised to come by on Saturday. Friday evening he called to confirm if I was still coming the next day. I was in a foul mood(mourning my relationship with O) and wasn’t in the mood to see X so I lied that I was going to the market to shop for the house and I wouldn’t be able to make it. Maybe at a corner of my mind, was the hope that O would call and ask that we see that Saturday and talk things over so I wanted to leave the day free for him. Maybe, I said o!lol…
Anyway, I didn’t go to see X’s mum and she left. Monday evening, when he closed for the day, X dropped into my office. I must confess again, I was a bit cold towards him. He sat for a while and when he saw I wasn’t talking to him. He got up and said he was leaving. I just nodded my head, like I didn’t care. Since that Monday, he hasn’t called or dropped by again. Not sure I miss him tho but I definitely miss the attention ;)
Ehen, I told you guys, I talked to Bobo Nice abi?
That was like two weeks ago.
So I had called Bobo Nice like a week before that day, after I received that call from SL(Strange lady). I was really upset with him for giving her my number to call and plead with me to marry him. He was shocked when he learnt that she had called me cos according to him he didn’t give her my number or ask her to call. What happened was that, she had visited him and was going through his phone when she saw my name and asked him who I was. He had told her about me. How he loved me but I wasn’t reciprocating and all. She told him that she could call and talk to me for him but he said he didn’t want that cos he knew I wouldn’t like it. He didn’t know she copied my number all the same and called.
I believed him sha. Bobo nice wasn’t the type to lie about something like that but when he said he was going to call S.L and berate her for what she did. I told him not to and that he should just it go cos I felt she did what she did in good spirit and felt she was being a good friend. He finally agreed to forget about it after which I told him that we needed to sit down and talk about the issue. He said okay and we agreed to meet the following weekend.
That Saturday, we met up at a pizza place and in between munching pizza and coke. I told him about O and how I felt about him. He already knew about X and he knew also when we broke up but I told him that X was staging a comeback and that I was considering him since things may not work out with O cos of his tribe and my folks. He felt really bad cos I wasn’t even considering him but I told him that I loved him as a friend and I didn’t have any romantic feelings towards him. I encouraged him to give other girls a chance and see where it leads to. We talked for very long o! At the end of it all sha, when we hugged and said our goodbyes, I felt kinda relieved and even though I knew he had been hurt, I was sure he realized It was all for the best. We promised to keep in touch with each other and agreed that nothing stopped us from hanging out once in a while.
So that’s the latest with Bobo nice.
Kai! I have never met a more unrelenting guy in my whole entire life, I swear.
Even though I broke up with him when I started seeing O. He has never stopped hoping that we would still come back together.
These days, he sends me text messages at least four times a day. One in the morning asking how my night was. One in the afternoon, asking how my day is going, another one late evening asking if I got home okay. Then one last one at night, wishing me a good night’s rest. Besides, he still calls at least once in the day just to hear my voice, he says,lol…Na wa for this thing called love o! Why can’t one love a person that loves him/her equally? Things would be lots easier that way or don’t you guys think so?
Then again recently, B.G seems to have gotten it into his head that somehow he was responsible for our break-up. I have tried to reassure him several times that he wasn’t the cause. I met somebody else, fell in love and that was it! Although when I think about it more deeply, it was probably something that I found lacking in B.G and which O had that attracted me to him in the first place.
For instance, I like my man to dress sharp and smell nice. B.G is kinda like a sloppy dresser. When I met him, he was much worse but I tried to get him to pay more attention to his looks. I must give it to him that he tried to change a bit but then he still didn’t get to the level I wanted. I so hate a man wearing torn, ‘It was white’ singlets and jeans with dirty hems that looked like they hadn’t been washed in ages. B.G was like that. O on the other hand sure knows how to pull it off. Even when he is dressed in a Tee and jeans, he still looks & smells edible,lol…same goes for X too. He is also a good dresser.
Then again, just before i broke up with B.G, I had reason to travel to his place(as in his villa) cos of his mum's burial. Meen, what i saw enhhh! I didn't like at all. The way they lived in their place. One compound with a lot of extended families. To me, that is the perfect recipe for plenty wahala cos one doesn't even have his/her own privacy. My mother's father's compound was like that and i know all the troubles and diabolical activities that went down before my grandpa had to ask his brother's and their families to find their squareroot,lol...
I talked to B.G about it and his response sealed my mind for me. He didn't see anything bad with it. In fact he even preferred the whole 'Communal living' style. Na so i pack my kaya, pick race,lol...
So on that note, maybe somehow he (B.G) was partly responsible for me breaking up with him. Now he is begging me to give him another chance, I am very reluctant cos you all know what they say about adults. “It is hard to learn how to use the left hand when you are grown up”. That's an Ibo adage which means that it is hard to change an adult cost they are already set in their ways so it’s either I accept B.G the way he is or forget about him totally cos trying to change him may not be possible.
I know I promised to yarn about doctor but pls guys, lets leave that for the next post. I am trying to make my posts short these days, lol…as if this one never long pass river Nile sef.
Am out abeg, we go dey see for yonder…
Friday, August 15, 2008
I didn’t wait too long before O calls to say he was outside my house. I quickly freshen up and rush outside to meet him. We walk to our usual spot at the end of my close. No one is around cos it’s late and everyone is in the comfort of their homes so we have all the privacy we need.
I have this serious look on my face which he notices and tries to get me to loosen up. “Ha, aphro why the strong face now? Looosen up now…oya give me a smile, smileee now…”
I try to smile but I know it isn’t convincing cos the smile feels fake even to me. He shrugs and goes “Okay so what is this thing we need to talk about”.
I can’t recount what I said to him word for word but I can summarize it.
So I tell him how I feel he hasn’t been showing enough commitment in our relationship cos If I don’t call, he won’t call. How I feel I am the one trying to make the relationship work. How I need to know what exactly he has in mind for the relationship cos it’s been since months now and I believe a six months old baby has started crawling at least and taking solid foods so we need to establish a course for our relationship. How I felt by now he should know if I was the kind of woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and vice versa. I also tell him about my discussion with my mum and her reaction but that I needed to know what he was thinking before starting an unnecessary war with my folks.
After talking for a while, I stop and look at him to see if he is getting the message. He looks at me amused then says “Go on now, am listening…”
I reply “But I just said a lot now and I want you to respond to all I said”
Then he chuckles quietly, adjusts himself properly on the pavement floor where we are seated and speaks.
“Aphro, you know how I feel about you. You know my people love you already. My mum and brothers havn’t met you but they are always asking about you. My sister likes you…”
I cut in “That is not what am asking you. This is not about ur family but about you and me. What do you really want? I need to know”
“Aphro, I love you and I will love to marry you. How can I not want that? You are a great person and I can wake up to your face everyday for the rest of my life but I am scared. I'm scared your parents will not accept me. Look at what you just said about your mum’s reaction. I have always wanted to marry into a family that accepts and loves me and I don’t want to be a problem for you and your family. I don’t want you to hate me later on in life for putting you against your parents”
My head is bent down and I am quietly listening to him but my mind is working seriously.
He goes on.
“What happens if I come to ask for your hand and they reject me? What happens then aphro?”
I look up at him. The sadness in my heart threatening to break out as tears from my eyes but I steel myself before I begin to talk.
“I have heard all you said. Whether they accept you or not doesn’t arise now. The main issue should be is this what you and I want? If we are both sure that we want to be together then facing my parents is the next step. I am not thinking of the problems I may encounter in your family. Am not worrying If they will accept me or not or if they will change their attitude towards me later. You are not ibo but am not thinking whether I will be able to adjust to your culture or not. All that are secondary issues. The main issue is Do I want to be with this man for the rest of my life? Anyway my interpretation of all you just said to me is that you are not ready for marriage and you are just trying to use my parents as an excuse. It is okay. The last thing I will do is to marry a man who doesn’t want it as much as I do. I should have talked to you first before bringing it up with my mum. Maybe it wouldn’t have been necessary to tell her about you in the first place”
At this point, he tries to pull me into his arms as he speaks
“Aphro, is that your own interpretation of what I said? It is not true at all. Am not trying to use your parents as an excuse. All am saying is the truth. I know how you feel about me. Infact if I was in doubt before, your actions today and what you just said now has just dispelled that. You say you shouldn’t have discussed me with your mum today but I think it is a good thing. I am happy that you did. I just know that there will be problems. Your parents will see me as an intruder which I don’t want…”
I cut in.
“You know what? I am not convinced you love me enough. I will tell you something. The guy I broke up with when I met you, B.G. He wanted to marry me but I wasn’t sure I wanted that and anytime he brought up the issue, I always told him that my parents won't accept him cos he wasn’t catholic and he is not from my place. Do you know what he would say? He would say to me “Aphro, forget about ur parents. If you love and accept me, your parents will have no choice but to accept me. That is a man in love. O, that is a man in love!”
I stop at this point. There is a palpable silence. I glance sideways at him and he looks really quiet and deep in thought. I know that what I just said has touched a raw nerve. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned B.G. I know how men hate to be compared with other men and O really hates it. Anyway, I needed to stress my point and that was the best way I could do it. It may have been a wrong way but I have done it. All there was to do now was to wait for him to speak. It was a long wait but he finally did when I started sobbing silently.
“*Clearing his throat* I have heard all you said Aphro. You know I hate been compared with anybody but it’s okay. I have heard you. Maybe I was seeing things differently from the way you are seeing it. You are upset now so i don’t want us to continue this. I need to digest everything that has gone down here and you need to calm down too so maybe we should just stop talking about this now okay?”
By now, am sobbing even harder but I respond still.
“I have always dreamt that when i would get married, it would be a romantic marriage proposal where my man would go down on his knees and ask me to marry him and I would jump on him and say yes. This is not how I wanted it. I shouldn’t be the one asking you if you want to spend your life with me or not..."
He stands up and pulls me up into his arms. I hug him tightly and look up at him with tear filled eyes still speaking.
“I understand if you want to think about it... It’s okay…”
“No, It’s not that. I don’t need to think about it…I just think that emotions are high now. I love you baby, I do even if you do not believe it…”
Wiping my eyes, I glance at the clock on my mobile phone.
“You need to start going now. It’s getting really late”
We walk back towards the house in silence. At the front of my house, we stare at each other. I don’t know if he expects a good night kiss. I want to kiss him but I know the mood is not right so I turn away and walk into my gate. He also gets into his car and drives off.
That was Tuesday night.
Wednesday all day, I expected his call but he never called. Got a text from him as I was preparing to leave for home in the evening. It read-
“I have not been myself since our talk last night. I don’t wanna lose you, the mere thot of it renders me clueless as to how life would be without you-unbearable”
I didn’t reply it though...didn’t know what to say.
I am typing this post on Friday morning and till this moment he hasn’t called or sent another text. I have decided to let him be. It is hard but I won’t call or text either. Let him take all the time he needs. Marriage is an important step; I do not expect him to take it if he isn’t ready.
Just that he may not find me willing when he finally decides to.
There is still plenty gist o. I haven't told you guys I talked with Bobo Nice. Then there is B.G too who of late has been sending sweet text messages to me asking that I have a rethink about us. Aha! There is Doctor too. I have never blogged about him before. He is currently in the UK doing a course but will be back in the country sooon.
So guys, keep a date next week for more tory(Una like gist well well o,lol...)
Great weekend everyone.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Before I start today’s post, I’ll like to say this.
I do not write these stuff about my love life because I don’t have a mind of my own and I need people to tell me what to do.
The reason I come here to post happenings in my love life is for the sole reason that nobody knows it all. It is always good to have a neutral opinion about issues. One could be thinking one thing based on one’s understanding and another person comes up with an entirely different perspective of the same issue and you realize that things are not exactly how you initially thought them to be.
Most times, it is the person who stands at the side watching a fight that can actually give a correct account of what led to the fight and which party was at fault not the one who was involved in the fight himself.
I find that a lot of times from the comments you leave I have been enlightened further or my eyes have been opened wider to see certain things in a different light than I initially did. You my friends, have been really awesome so far and I do not regret starting this blog or sharing my experiences with you. Not at all. I will continue to write them down and I hope you continue to bless me with your intelligent comments.
Thank you my dears.
Finally got that little speech over with.
Now to today’s post.
It turns out that X didn’t put me on suspension afterall.
Okay lemme start with O.
The whole of that day (Monday), I didn’t pick his calls or reply his messages till late evening when I got back from work. By then I was beginning to feel sorry for him so when he called again for the umpteenth time that night, I answered. He sounded really worried and asked if there was any problem and why I hadn’t been picking his calls. I said there was no problem and that I had been busy all day. Then he asked why I didn’t return his calls when I saw them and I said I didn’t want to. From my reply, he knew something was up and kept asking me what it was. I finally caved in and said I was mad at him for not calling me all through Sunday. His reply was that he thought I would call if I was free but I didn’t so he felt I had other plans. I said
“hmm…hmmm, na so!” He sha apologized and I said he shouldn’t bother cos there was nothing to apologize for. Then he asked if we could talk during happy hour (free midnight call time). I said he could call if he was awake. Conversation ended. He didn’t call that night. I guess he over slept. I didn’t call too although I was awake.
Oh! Before I forget. I called X that Monday night too. Had some spare credit on my phone and felt wharrahel, lemme just lhim and feel his pulse. It was a very brief one.
Me: What’s up? Are you okay?
X: Yea I am…
Me: Okay, I just called to make sure you were okay cos I haven’t heard from you all these while. Good nigh…
X: Am fine. How is Mum, Dad and everybody…
(I didn't let him finish. If he was that concerned about my folks he should have called to enquire about how they were doing and not wait till I call to start asking me long questions)
Me: Everybody is fine. Good night.
X: Okay Good night. Will see you tomorrow…
Next morning (Tuesday). I was still trying to settle in for the day’s work when X dropped in. I looked up and said “So the reason you dropped in today was cos I called you last night abi? If I didn’t call you, you probably won’t be here this morning”.
He tried to refute what I said and explained that he had been very busy as they had been having training since the previous week in his office and he was in charge of co-ordinating things.
I wasn’t accepting that excuse though. “So your training extended even to your house after work? What happened to all those times you dropped in after work? Anyway whether you admit or not, I know that the only reason you came here this morning is cos I called you last night”
He would not agree with that. “It’s not true baby. I have been very busy. Okay am very sorry please forgive me. You know I don’t like it when you are angry”.
I looked at his face. “Me, angry?! Nooo, for what now. No need to apologise ke”.
After some awkward minutes of silence. He goes “Okay, I have to get back to the office now. I’ll see you later”.
I nod my head and he turns to leave but stops suddenly.
“Ehen! how are we celebrating your birthday?”My birthday is coming up soon-September 2nd. I was impressed he remembered but I reply nonchalantly.
“My birthday? I’m not celebrating”
“I’ll like to take you on a trip to Ghana”
“Ghana? I don’t think I want to go anywhere…”
He stares at my hand on the table and says “And I have something I want to give you but it has to wait till then”
Next he lifts my hand off the table, holds my ring finger and asks “Hmm…what size of ring do you wear?”
In my head. Am already doing the logic & reasoning.
“Why are you asking?"
“Nothing just wanted to know…”
“Anyway, I don’t know the size…”
I give him this odd look. He has a funny smile on his face. “It’s okay. Don’t worry” he says and turns and leaves finally.
I look at the closed door in alarm.
OH MY GOD…HE WANTS TO GIVE ME AN ENGAGEMENT RING ON MY BIRTHDAY!
I feel the panic rise in my throat and my mind goes into a riot.
Yeee…Things are getting serious. It’s high time I make a decision what road to take and stick to it o! What if he gives me an engagement ring? What do I do? Accept it…or reject it? I don’t even have the answer to that. I want to get married and X is not a bad guy but O…ha O!..I love O! But does he love me as well? Does he think am worth sharing the rest of his life with? Maybe he doesn’t love me like that. Aphrodite stop jumping to conclusions. Talk to him first. Gauge his reaction. That should give you a clue as to what to do next.
All these were the thoughts going on in my mind.
Finally, I arrive at a conclusion.
I need to have that talk with O again.
This time I was not going to take “let’s take it a day at a time” for an answer. It is either he wants or he doesn’t want. Six months is enough time for him to know if he wanted this relationship to be a permanent one or not.
My mind made up to talk with O, I calmed down and faced the day’s work
I was in the middle of work when he called me. O i mean.
He apologized for not staying awake to call as promised the previous night. I said it was okay. He noticed I wasn’t sounding too bright and he asked “Aphro what is the matter? Are you still angry with me?” “Nothing is the matter. Just that we need to talk” I replied.
“Talk? About what? Tell me what it is” I could feel the rising curiosity in his voice.
“It’s not a telephone conversation. We’ll talk when we see”
“Okay, I’ll try to leave the office early and come by to see you at home this evening. Is that okay?”
“Yea, it is. See you then”
Throughout the rest of the day. I kept thinking about the impending discussion with O and how I was going to present the issue.I didnt want it to look like i was a desperado for marriage or anything like that. I even chatted with a close girlfriend about it. She had never being a fan of O and kept telling me “Aphro fashi dat guy, he is not going to marry you”. However when I gisted her about how O spent the night at the hospital recently with me when I was admitted for one day (Sorry I didn’t blog about that). She had a change of heart and said she didn’t know he was that caring. She also agreed with me that it was necessary to talk with him and determine exactly where the relationship was heading.
Buoyed by my chat with my friend. I was ready for 'The Talk'
I got home that evening to find my mum in the mood for a chat. She asked how my day went and I found myself telling her everything. She already knew X was staging a comeback in my life but she didn’t know how serious things were. I have never been more open on love issues with my mum as I was that evening. I told her about how I wasn’t feeling the love for X as I used to. How I think he is planning to propose to me on my birthday. The Ghana trip. Then I told her my biggest secret these past six months. I told her about O.
How he was the one I loved now. How nice he was and that he works in a bank. She seemed cool with my gist until I mentioned he was Edo but his mother was Ibo. She sat up straight, looked me in the eye and said “Why do you always like to go the negative way?”
I'm like “How mum?” She goes on. “Edo? God forbid! Let them use their witchcraft and kill my daughter for me, no way!”
I know better than to argue so I let her finish talking before I start explaining the connection O has with uncle 1004. Remember I had said in an earlier post- The pleasant surprise that O’s aunt(his mother’s younger sister) is married to my uncle(Mum’s relation). After my explanation. Mum calms down a bit. She didn’t look like she was ready to kill anyone anymore,lol…but she goes on to advise me to forget about O and stick with X because the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know(her words exactly).
I say “Mum, but you haven’t met him yet now…” She says “Why do I have to meet him? There is no point. Nne you can’t go to Edo please”. She goes on to lecture me about Edo people and how they are known for diabolical stuffs. I listen in silence. After a while she says. “Talk to your father about it, let us hear what he has to say”
I go “Haa…I can’t o! You want him to kill me?!! Mum you tell him for me”
She laughs. “Nooo! Tell him yourself”
Shaking my head vigorously and saying “Noooooo” I get up and head to my room. I needed to change and wait for O.
Sorry guys. I have to continue this post later. Damn! it is too long as it is already and my fingers are numb from typing. Promise to be back sooner than you think. Gist plenty ooooo...so stay tuned,lol...
Expecting to read your sincere intelligent comments as usual.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Am back and better! Thanks for all the beautiful, insightful comments you left on my previous post. You can’t possibly know how much I appreciate all of them. May God continue to bless every one of you and grant your heart’s desires, AMEN!!!
The latest gist now is this- X and O are on suspension,lol…
Okay more like, X put me on suspension and I put O on suspension.
Let me add more flesh to the gist…before I start, I must warn you all that this is going to be one of my usual long assed post so get urself some salt&sugar popcorn, than sit back and read,lol...
Starting with X…
The Friday(before my last post). I was back at home from work and just lying in bed when X’s call came in. He was like “Babes, are you home? I want to see you”. I said okay fine. Then he asked if I wanted him to get me Suya (he knows I have a soft spot for suya,lol…), I said it was okay.
I was still waiting for X to come when O called me. While on the phone with O. X’s call came in but I didn’t answer it since I was still talking with O. Just as I ended the conversation with O, X call came in again. This time I answered and he said he was outside my house so I went out to meet him.
When I got outside, he handed over the Suya and drink to me. I took it and thanked him. Then he said “I called you before, didn’t you see my call?” . I was like “yeah, I did…I was on the phone then”. “So why didn’t you call me back when you were through with your call” he continued. I said “Cos you called almost immediately”. Then he went on about how long he had been waiting outside my gate and all. I was getting pissed and asking myself if the Suya and Coke was worth listening to his lamentations,lol… Anyway sha, after a while he now chilled and we talked about some other stuffs. He didn’t seem like he was in a hurry to leave and I wanted him to cos O had said he may come see me that evening if he was able to round up his work on time. So I told him I was busy with some stuffs inside the house and I had to get back inside. He said okay and moved closer to give me a kiss but I turned my head away. He was like “What is it? Cant I give you a kiss?” I retorted “Must you give me a kiss every time we see?" Then he said “We need to have a serious talk, You know what i want(marriage) but I don’t understand your attitude to me at times. Can we see tomorrow?” I wasn’t sure what O’s plans were for the weekend and I didn’t want to couldn’t commit myself to seeing X the next day so I said, “Maybe, if am around, we will see” He didn’t like my answer and kept pressuring me to be more definite but I kept saying maybe, maybe as I headed back inside my compound. He drove off resignedly.
That weekend, O had to go to work but he came around in the evenings for an hour or so. I didn’t pick X’ calls all through that weekend. I knew he wanted an answer to his marriage proposal and I didn’t have an answer for him yet. I know it’s not fair to keep a man hanging like that and it was quite selfish of me but I avoided him all weekend.
I must say it here that since that weekend. X hasn’t called me or dropped by even though his office is just opposite mine and I know he’s been coming to work cos I see his car outside everyday. Once, I called him at night but he didn’t answer his call. He may have been asleep but then he must have seen my missed call when he woke up but he never called back so I have decided to let him be. Maybe that is the way God wants to resolve the matter.
Now to O and his own suspension…
After reading some of your comments on my last post especially doll who said, it was obvious that I am into O more than he is into me. I had to ask myself certain pertinent questions and then decided to lay low for a while and not call him or contact him and see how it all plays out.
I did that post last Tuesday right?
So Tuesday, I didn’t call. He didn’t call.
Wednesday, I didn’t call, he didn’t call as well.
By this time, I was like so I have been the one keeping this relationship alive all this while? So if I don’t call, he won’t call enh? Okay oo…
Thursday morning, he called.
“Baby I havn't heard from you for a while. What’s happening now? Anyway I got you ur gizzard”(There is this woman that brings smoked gizzard to their office and he had bought some for me once which I liked)
I said “Oh how sweet of you dear. Will pass by your office and pick it on my way home” His office is on my way home.
As promised, on my way home, I stopped by his office. I deliberately put up a cold attitude when he came out and didn't give him a hug or kiss like I used to. I was all formalish, asked him about work and other stuff. He noticed and was like he didn’t like my attitude after all he left his work and came down to see me and all am giving him is this cold attitude. In my head, I was like see this guy o, Me that came all the way to see you nko? Is that not a bigger deal than you that just came out of ur office? Anyway I didn’t say anything. I just said I was not feeling too well. We didn’t spend much time together cos he had to go back to his work and I had to go home.
Friday, I didn’t call. He didn’t call too. Friday night, I called him cos I needed to know if we would be hooking up during the weekend as planned. He had promised me when I complained about his having to work every weekend that we would hang out together this weekend.
So I called, but he didn’t answer. He was probably sleeping cos it was quite late at night then.
Saturday morning he called me. He explained that he was fast asleep and didn’t hear his phone ring. Then he asked me what the plan was? I was like how do you mean? He said “Do you want to see me today”. I don’t know why I felt pissed at that moment. Maybe it was all the long days of silence or maybe I felt like he took it for granted that I didn’t have any other thing to do except wait for him to decide to see me.
So I told him , I had other plans and it wouldn’t be possible to see him. It felt good to burst his bubble. He was like okay, I guess I have to find something else to do. That was not quite the reaction I wanted. I wanted him to feel sad and even try to talk me out of my supposed plans but no, the bobo didn’t even raise issues. So I said “Why are you calling me on Saturday morning to ask what the plans are? I could have other plans too…” He cut in “But I told you last week that we would spend this weekend together, anyway it’s okay, go ahead with ur plans”
I was at the market later that evening when he called and he was like he had been expecting my call. I said I had been busy and planned to call him later. I asked what he was up to and he said he was at his brother’s place cos he couldn’t go have fun by himself without me. I was touched small sha,lol…
I didn’t call him later that night. He didn’t call either.
Sunday was pretty boring but I resisted the urge to call him. I thought he would call but he didn’t. At the last minute, I packed my stuff and headed over to the salon to do my nails. At least the day wouldn't be wasted.
At night, when I hadn’t still heard from him, I sent a text:
“Hey, how are you babes, How did your day go?”
He didnt reply immediately and i fell asleep.
This morning i saw his reply “My day was okay. How was urs?”
So I have deleted his number from my phone(Okay I admit I left it on my second phone,lol…). It has become very obvious that we are not operating on the same frequency so until he gives me reason to believe otherwise. He is on suspension starting today.
Catch you all larer…
PS: Am still doing the thinking and praying o...
O just sent me a text now.
"How are you pooky?(whatever does pooky mean?) I asked how your day was yesterday but you didn't reply. Been a busy bee lately, havn't you? It's okay, I understand. I'm often guilty of that . Miss you lots. O"
He has obviously noticed there is some changes but wants to put it down to me being busy. Okay ooo, he is still on suspension so i won't reply or do I?