Okay so I said I was going to give you all the gist of how it went with B.G and me.
We went out on that Easter Monday. Had lunch at some nice place and talked a little over lunch about matters generally…nothing about us as in our relationship and all. It was as if we were both scared of bringing it up and one was waiting for the other to do so. I didn’t want to spoil the lunch so I didn’t broach the topic.
Later on, on our homeward drive. I thought it was time so I blurted:
“You know we have been drifting apart these past few weeks?”
It sounded more like a statement than a question.
He turned to look at me and nodded, “Yea…and I don’t like it”
He went on to tell me how he wanted things to get better with us and how he felt it was time to take our relationship to the next level-marriage.
Whoops! I felt really awful. Here I was preparing to break it off with him while he was making plans to propose…it just didn’t feel right!
I didn’t know what to say and after thinking about the situation for a while, I had to ask him this question:
“If you are in a relationship with one person and having deep feelings for another, do you really love the person you are dating?”
He didn’t need a soothsayer to spell out the direction I was headed. He had this very sad look in his eyes as he asked “So what you are saying is that you have deep feelings for some other guy?”
I didn’t answer but my silence confirmed the question.
Anyway, not to bore you with the details, I had to tell him about O and how I felt about him. He was broken. I couldn’t help but feel terrible and guilty. I never want to feel that way ever again. I think I learnt a lesson with B.G- never again will I start a relationship with a guy who am not sure of my feelings for.
I must give it to him though, he acted very gentlemanly about every thing even saying that since he claimed to love me, he should be more concerned about my happiness and if I found this with someone else, who was he to come between me and my happiness. I could tell he was trying terribly hard to sound casual about it but it was killing him inside and it didn’t help the way I felt.
I almost toldl him I was sorry about what I said earlier and didn’t mean any of it but I knew that would be like the biggest lie and I would just be saying it just to take back the pain I was causing him and would it really help matters at the long run? It wouldn’t...so I held back.
The truth is that even if O had not arrived on the scene. The breakup was something that was bound to happen. I had long realized that I wasn’t in love and was just hanging in the relationship because first I didn’t want to hurt B.G and secondly I thought maybe I wasn’t destined to feel that rush(you know the one you feel when you are really into someone) again and maybe i was just being childish thinking I had to feel it before I take the plunge into marriage. Well, all that doubts subsided when I met O. He made me realize (not intentionally) that I could marry B.G or K or any of the guys asking for my hand and later on in the marriage meet some guy that I feel something more for and then realize that I had made the biggest mistake of my life going into the marriage. or even worse, I may begin to resent the husband I married because I’ll feel trapped in the marriage or something. Understand me guys?
So that was how our date ended. He feeling disappointed and hurt and me feeling horrible and guilty.
It’s been a week now since then and I have called him a couple of times just to see how he is doing. He is taking it really badly…he feels I betrayed him. I also feel horrible and I wonder if this thing with O is really worth all the heart ache and stress I’m causing B.G.
What do you think peeps?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Okay so I said I was going to give you all the gist of how it went with B.G and me.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Hope you had a fabulous Easter celebration?
For me it was a great one well not counting the fact that I actually hurt two people this period. It wasn’t deliberate though just stuff that had to happen with the way things have been going in my love life lately.
Okay am going to start with K first.
K’s mum returned to Nigeria last Friday (Good Friday). She had been in the U.S these past few years. K had informed me like weeks back that his mum was coming back to the country and asked that I accompany him to the airport to receive her when she arrived. Knowing K as well as I do and the fact that he tells everyone he knows about me and how he wants to marry me and all that , I knew he probably had said as much or even more to his mum. I didn’t want to go with him to the airport to receive his mum cos that would be like affirming or giving the poor woman the impression that I was indeed her daughter-in-law to be so I declined going with him. He felt very bad and sad that I refused but there was nothing he could do about it, no amount of cajoling was going to make me change my mind.
Later on in the day, after Good Friday mass(we attend the same church), we went to have dinner someplace and he was almost crying as he told me how he just realized how much I hated him and all. He said the fact that refused to accompany him to the airport earlier in the day to receive his mum was indication that I didn’t have serious plans(as in marriage plans) for him which is true by the way. He practically begged me to give him a chance to love me seeing as he has been patient for more than 2 years now waiting for the day I’d agree to an intimate relationship with him. I must confess I felt really bad seeing a grown ass man like K almost groveling at my feet just for a chance to expend the contents of his heart and pocket(lol) on me. Anyway I still maintain my stand that PITY can never be the same as LOVE, right?
Really I must give it to K though. The guy has shown his love in many ways than one. I mean, there is no doubt that dude is madly in love with me but it’s so sad that its not a mutual feeling. I remember when I first met him. I was always very sick then. It was either malaria and/or typhoid fever(at least that’s what the doctors said). It got so bad that even close friends of mine were even scared I had something, probably AIDS,lol! Anyway the point is that K was with me through that period, taking me to the hospital, buying drugs and sometimes even offering to help offset my bills. I really appreciate all that he has done for me and I told him so but do I now have to marry him cos of all these?
Come Saturday, K came over to my house in the morning. He wanted us to spend the day together. He asked me to just mention anywhere I wanted and he would take me there but I wasn’t interested, I had a date with O and nothing was going to come between me and that date so I politely told him I was going to the market to do some shopping. I couldn’t tell him I had another date with someone else…that would just kill him! He then asked that I returned early form the market so we could at least spend the rest of the day together and I accepted. I just didn’t want to prolong issues, I knew there was no way I was getting home earlier than 8pm that day. O and I had made a lot of plans for the day already.
So I hung out with O. We first went to one of the private beaches. We didn’t want to do the Lekki/Alpha?Kuramo beaches. Those were always very crowded and we wanted a quiet and relaxing environment so we settled for the private beach plan. It was really fun sitting there on the beach with the cool sea breeze fanning our faces. It felt so good, I almost didn’t want it to end. We talked, played, cuddled, kissed, lol! (I’ll spare u guys the details,lol!)
Anyway, after some hours on the beach we decided to catch an evening movie on the island. It was another lovely experience. The movie was really nice but that wasn’t the high point of the experience for me. Just being there in his arms, sneaking kisses every now and then during the movie was wonderful. I ‘m sure the guys seated behind us at the cinema must have been irritated by us. It was just too obvious that we were so much into ourselves
Then there was Sunday. I had to attend a friend’s birthday party and I wanted O to come with me but K wasn’t giving me breathing space. He pleaded that he wanted to spend the day with me since he didn’t get to do so the previous day.
I finally agreed to let him take me to the party also seeing as the celebrant was also a mutual friend. The party was nice, lots to eat and drink and I had fun that is if you don’t include the part where K would tell anyone(as soon as he found they were my friend) how much in love he was with me and how I didn’t want to reciprocate his love. The guy almost began to annoy me; I couldn’t understand why he found joy in broadcasting his feelings to anyone who cared to listen at the party.
Monday I had a date with Big Guy.
I haven’t mentioned Big Guy before now.
You see, Big Guy or B.G for short is kinda like my boyfriend that is until I met O.
Now don’t get all confused. Let me explain.
I am not dating K, he is more like a family friend.
I had a boyfriend but we broke up last year due to irreconcilable differences.
B.G was my friend but he had never hidden his interest to take our friendship further so when I broke up with Ex, we decided to try a shot at something more intimate but I realized soon after we started dating that I wasn’t ‘in love’ with him and most likely will never be. I think he knew how I felt. I never hid the fact that I wasn’t feeling that excitement with him but he felt that it would grow with time. However, I realized that one day I may discover I had stronger feelings for someone else(like I do with O now) and the relationship with B.G would have to end but i prayed that my feelings for B.G would grow deeper and I wouldn’t have to break his heart. He is a good guy and really cared about me and I would hate to hurt him.
Now with O on the scene, my fears are coming to pass. I haven’t been calling B.G as I used to(I used to call him during happy hours before), For the past one month we hadn’t seen each other and I haven’t even being bothered about it. He had noticed that my interest in the relationship was on the decline and was really worried about it.
I think I had been avoiding him cos I felt guilty for feeling the way I do about O.
Anyway, I agreed to the Easter Monday date, I was tired of running and I felt it was high time we talked and put our feelings in perspective,
Need I tell you how it went?
Not too good at all.
Will hit you up with the gist later. For now, I have to attend to some more pressing issues.
Take care peeps.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I am happy.
Yes, it’s because of O!
I think he really cares for me.
Okay let me start from where I stopped the last time.
That night I planned to call him by midnight(during happy hours) but slept off and didn’t wake until about 3am.
Then I decided to call but his phone kept ringing and he wasn’t picking it. After 4 tries, I gave up and went back to sleep. When I got up to prepare for work in the morning I had a text message on my phone. It was from him. He was sorry he had missed my calls and blab la bla.
I didn’t reply the text. I just went ahead to prepare and leave for the office. Unfortunately for me I forgot my phone at home. I only discovered after I had gotten to work and there was no way I was going back because of the phone. I simply resigned myself to being phoneless for the day.
On getting home later that evening, I had like twenty three missed calls on the phone. O’s was like 5 out of them. He had also sent me a text message that read:
“Too busy to take my calls? Even during the day?
Okay if you don’t wanna talk to me, at least send me a text. Am concerned
about you ”
When I read the text my heart melted and I replied, telling him I forgot my phone at home. A few minutes later he called and we talked for a while. He was so sorry he hadn’t called me for a while and he explained that he had been having some issues in the office and he was even angry at me that if he didn’t call, I wouldn’t.
We finally apologized to each other and I promised to call him at midnight so we could talk more.
Later, in the middle of the night , we talked a whole lot more. 1am till 4am(three whole hours!) and it was only when I insisted that we had to sleep cos both of us had jobs to go to in the morning that we finally ended the call. It’s always so good to talk to him cos he really makes me happy and he says it’s the same for him too.
He also came to pay me a visit at the office later in the day. I was so delighted when he called me to say he was in front of my office. I was impressed. He spent about 45mins with me in my office before he left.
On another note.
I think I might have a problem in my hands soon if this thing with O keeps getting deeper. You see I am an Ibo babe and my folks are VERY tribalistic…you know insisting I marry from my own tribe and all that. Thing is up till now, I never had issues with that because I had never met a non-ibo guy I really liked well enough to get serious with until I met O that is.
With O, things are different. I really like this dude and there are indicators that he feels the same way but I forsee a bleak future(if any) for us because of my folks. It would really be a WAR getting them to accept O as a son-in-law. There is something though. O is partly Ibo. His dad is Edo while his mum is Ibo. He’s got an Ibo name and he speaks a little funny ibo too,lol! Anyway, I don’t know if that is gonna give him an advantage with my parents.
Another thing is this, we are Catholics and my parents would love so much for me to get hooked to a catholic man too. Parents whose children don’t marry from the church lose certain priviledges like they can’t join the knighthood or for the mother, she loses the chance to ever receive the prestigious “Ezinne”(Good mother) award. Only mothers whose daughters do not get pregnant out of wedlock or marry outside the catholic church are eligible for the award.
Yesterday evening I was chatting with my mum and somehow our conversation drifted to INTER-RACIAL/DENOMINATIONAL MARRIAGES. The daughter of a family friend(they are Ibo) recently gotten married to a Yoruba guy from Osun state and a cousin of mine(they are Catholics) had just come to inform my folks that she was getting married to a guy who is Anglican.
Mum: You know her mum said they had to consent to the marriage when they
realized she was already in the family way. (She was talking about my cousin).
Me: I suspected! The last time she was here, she looked pregnant.
Mum: Yes. Initially her dad insisted he wasn’t going to be a party to the wedding but
her mum finally convinced him to. For her, its better that her daughter got married to an Anglican than for the story to be that she got pregnant in her father’s house.
Me: I guess so. It’s a better deal for all of them.
Mum: Ehen…you know Mr. Obi(pauses as I nod in affirmation). His daughter just
got married to a guy from Osun state! (She said it like that was a abomination,lol!)
Me: Really!! Osun state??(I was genuinely surprised. This is a very rare occurrence where I come from. I thought about the battle the girl must have fought with her parents before they gave in and silently gave the girl kudos in my mind)
Mum: Yes o! I hear he was her childhood friend in Benin where they grew up.
(Slight pause in our discussion as I was still deep in thought. I looked up at my mum, she was engrossed in the programme showing on TV )
Mum: Yes…??(She turned to look at me with raised eyebrows)
Me: Which would you prefer? For me to marry a non-catholic or a non-Ibo guy??
She looked at me intently, probably searching for clues to know if I was dating any of the above. After a while, she looked away and seemed to ponder about my question
Mum: Hmmm…that’s a hard one o! Non- catholic I don’t like…and Non- Ibo…that
one too is out of it.
Me: But mum…I can’t keep limiting myself like that! If the Ibo guys are not coming, will I kill myself or wait forever??
She didn't say a word, she just kept mum.
I knew it was time to stop before she began interrogating me to find out which of the forbidden two I was dating. The Non-ibo or the Non-catholic,lol! I already had the answer I sought. She obviously didn’t like any of the two options.
Pity O is both of them. Non-ibo and Non-catholic. This thing go hard o!
Anyway make we dey look, its not as if O has proposed or anything of that sort yet but is it better not to start what looks like I wont be able to finish or should I just keep going with my heart and pray we’ll cross the bridge successfully when we get to that river?
I have talked to him about this and he says he doesn’t want to lose me because of the fact that we don’t come from the same tribe or we don’t attend the same church. He feels we should not let them(my folks) come between us. We have agreed to just take it slowly and see where it all leads.
Hopefully someplace good. *Fingers crossed*
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Yesterday night I deleted his number and text messages from my phone because the temptation to call him was beginning to overwhelm me. It was like a drug I desperately needed a fix of. I tried to sleep but couldn’t. My mind kept going back to him even when I tried to dwell on other stuffs.
Finally, I decided to call Efe. Efe is another guy who has been on my case for a while now. Always going on about how in love he was with me and why I should give him a chance. I had told him that he was Urhobo and my parents would never allow me marry an Urhobo man which is actually just a lame excuse. The truth is that I don’t love him afterall O is from Edo state yet here I am tripping for the guy.
So back to yester night, I called Efe and he was ecstatic to put it mildly. Dude was surprised I called him. He had been calling me repeatedly these past few days and I hadn’t been picking his calls and he wondered what could have made me call him at so late an hour. I felt bad cos I knew in my heart that I was just using him to escape the loneliness I was feeling because of O but the fact that I had also made him(Efe) happy made it seem a bit fair to both of us.
So we chatted. I wasn’t really feeling the chat cos really the voice I wanted to hear then was O’s and not Efe’s. I spent some time with Efe on the phone, he also sang one of his songs for me(he is a budding musician). At a point I grew bored and wanted to end the call but I didn’t know how to without hurting him so I stylishly ended the call and quickly diverted all calls on my phone to voice mail. He had served his purpose and I needed to sleep. I later cancelled the call divert before I drifted off to sleep when I remembered that O may still try to reach me during the night.
The first thing I did when I awoke this morning was to check my phone but there was no messages/missed calls from O. Miserably I dragged myself from the bed to get ready for work.
All through the day, I kept hoping he would call or text me but he didn’t. Scrolling through my phone I saw some messages I had sent to him a while back. I had forgotten to delete them yesterday. I quickly retrieved his number and started dialing. Fortunately for me, I stopped myself just in time. “Aphrodite, you need to take it easy” I said to myself.
Finally I gave in when I got back from work in the evening and still he hadn’t called. I sent him a text message. It was a forwarded message I got from a friend. Nice and funny and no mention of how I was feeling bad cos I hadn’t heard from him.
He replied with a text asking how I was and telling me how he tried my number the previous night and it didn’t go through.
I didn’t know what to feel. Anger or sadness?? Like so he couldn’t call me during the day or something? Why does it have to be during free calls period that we can only talk?? If he couldn’t spend his credit on calling me during the day, wasn’t he a cheapskate afterall?? These were the thoughts that went through my head. Don’t misunderstand me guys, he has called me during the day in the past but I think we speak more during the happy hours(free call period). Does that say something?
Anyway, I think I’ll call him tonight and see what he has to say for himself. But now, when I think of it again, I really do not have any right over him after all he hasn’t even asked me formally to be his girlfriend. Hell…I don’t even know what it is we are right now and I am not going to ask before he begins to feel I am too forward.
Peeps what’s ur take?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I deleted his text messages too.
Maybe it’s stupid or crazy but I just felt it’s the right thing to do.
I think I am getting too attached to this guy.
He didn’t call me all day and I have been feeling miserable.
I don’t even feel like myself again…I am so out of control with this guy!
I am also mightily pissed off at him like why didn’t he call me all day?! I really longed to hear his voice all day but he didn’t call me. Not even to ask how my day went. God! I sound really pathetic!
Don’t ask me why I didn’t call guys. I don’t want him to begin to feel like am becoming too needy. You know how guys begin to take one for granted when they find out you are into them and am not even sure what I feel for him now.
Maybe I’m just trying to prove to myself that I can do without him.
It’s 12.30am (free calls time) now and usually, I would call him about now but tonight I aint calling him. Lets see if he calls and if he doesn’t I don’t care(lol! Who am I kidding??)
Even if I wanted to call, I can’t be tempted to anymore.
I already deleted his number.
This love business seems complicated sha….I don’t want a heart break o!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
I met this dude like two weeks back and it seems like it’s going to happen(falling in love) with this one. Let’s call him O.
I met O at the bank where I had gone to transact some business. He actually works there. We made small talk and he asked for my number with I gladly gave.
Since then, we have talked constantly on the phone especially during the happy hours(Midnight 12-30 to 4.30) when calls are free,lol! We are not cheapskates o just taking advantage of the free call period to get to know ourselves more.
I seem to be getting a soft spot for him which is very unusual. I haven’t felt like this with anyone in a long time.
Some nights we talk for more almost four hours at a stretch. It’s crazy! Like once we start we can’t stop. He is quite interesting and makes me laugh a lot. I like that. It’s rare to find a guy that can keep me on the phone for hours and still I don’t get bored.
O is 6 2” tall, intelligent and loves my kind of music…so many pluses!
I don’t know where this is all leading to but let’s just wait and see.
Maybe the end of the search is in sight. Maybe not…
Time will tell!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Like I said in my first post, I intend this blog to be like a chronicle of my experiences with men in my search for love.
Okay today, I am going to talk about K.
K is one of the guys currently begging me to accept his marriage proposal.
K is a young man in his early 30s. He is financially comfortable. He is not bad looking physically. Very generous, like seriously he could sell his pant to give me anything I desire. He is also very caring, practically fusses over me so much it gets irritating at times.
Unfortunately despite his good credentials, I do not love K. My Mum likes him and so do my siblings cos he is very giving... always buying them gifts and all that. Me thinks he is trying to buy my love or influence them to convince me he is the best man for me and that kinda puts me off am really he is wasting his time cos no man can buy my love. It is going to be given freely to that person when I find him so K is obviously wasting his time of he thinks he’ll be able to buy me over. I think he is beginning to realize this cos lately he hasn’t been flaunting the gifts and money like before. I think he has wisened up.
K is a business man who hasn’t done badly for himself at all. With the houses and flashy cars he owns, he would be any girl’s dream catch right? For me, he isn’t. He didn’t get a university education and is not very fluent with spoken English and this scores him low points in my rate card.
I have told K that I do not love him but he insists that the love will grow with time after I am married to him. I do not agree with him, for me it should be Love first before marriage not the other way round.
What is your opinion peeps?
Saturday, March 1, 2008
I finally do this! I mean start a blog. For the past one year I have been an invincible member of this very interesting world called blogville. By invincible I mean like I am an ardent reader of naija bloggers but havnt been able to summon the courage to start mine up till now.
Blogging is great really but I see that drama that builds up at times and I wonder if I am ready to be a part of it. If I have the courage to put up with haters(who I know will definitely be there). Nonetheless, I have began this blog and I sure hope I don’t attract too much drama with it. I am not blogging to make friends or to become popular or anything of that sort. This blog for me is to help me put down some of my experiences as a young lady in search of love. I thought that I needed to do this so that when eventually I find that which I seek(LOVE), I should be able to appreciate it berter. By ‘LOVE’, I hope you all understand that I mean the kind of love that exists between a man and a woman, you know the ‘EROS’ kind, right? Yea!
Before I go on, let me do a brief intro about myself. I am a beautiful(if I say so myself), young lady in my late twenties. The first daughter in a family of six. I work in a Public Relations firm in Nigeria. I am a very independent and amiable soul. What else? I guess this would do for now.
Why am I searching for love? Because I have been in love before and I know what a great feeling it is when two people are in love. I want to feel that way again in my life especially with someone who truly feels the same way as I do. I have been in love before like I said but always with the wrong people. Now I want to fall in love again but with the right person. A person who I will spend the rest of my life with.
I have never been short of male admires/toasters. In fact I believe I have more than is healthy for a normal girl. Like I said earlier too, I am very beautiful and I have got a body to die for too(which is really what most men want, isn’t it?). I hope I don’t sound vain cos really that is not the point. Its just that very few men can pass me without taking a second look or wanting to be friends and I find that most times I can’t really tell who wants to be with me because of LOVE or LUST!
Right now in my life. There are quite a number of guys begging me to let them into my life. Some claim that they would die if I don’t marry them but I find that I don’t really feel anything deep for anyone of them. I mean, they could like vanish from the earth’s surface and I wouldn’t care a hoot so obviously I am not in love with any of them. I am at a point where I am beginning to feel the pressure from family and friends to settle down with a man and start a family but I don’t think I should just marry any guy because he is there or because he is professing mad love for me. I believe that before I say the words “ I do”, it has to be for one reason-BECAUSE I LOVE AND I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH THE MAN INVOLVED!
So I search on….