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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Out in the Open finally...

Before I start today’s post, I’ll like to say this.
I do not write these stuff about my love life because I don’t have a mind of my own and I need people to tell me what to do.
No!
The reason I come here to post happenings in my love life is for the sole reason that nobody knows it all. It is always good to have a neutral opinion about issues. One could be thinking one thing based on one’s understanding and another person comes up with an entirely different perspective of the same issue and you realize that things are not exactly how you initially thought them to be.
Most times, it is the person who stands at the side watching a fight that can actually give a correct account of what led to the fight and which party was at fault not the one who was involved in the fight himself.
I find that a lot of times from the comments you leave I have been enlightened further or my eyes have been opened wider to see certain things in a different light than I initially did. You my friends, have been really awesome so far and I do not regret starting this blog or sharing my experiences with you. Not at all. I will continue to write them down and I hope you continue to bless me with your intelligent comments.
Thank you my dears.
Aphro.

Phew!
Finally got that little speech over with.
Now to today’s post.

It turns out that X didn’t put me on suspension afterall.
Okay lemme start with O.
The whole of that day (Monday), I didn’t pick his calls or reply his messages till late evening when I got back from work. By then I was beginning to feel sorry for him so when he called again for the umpteenth time that night, I answered. He sounded really worried and asked if there was any problem and why I hadn’t been picking his calls. I said there was no problem and that I had been busy all day. Then he asked why I didn’t return his calls when I saw them and I said I didn’t want to. From my reply, he knew something was up and kept asking me what it was. I finally caved in and said I was mad at him for not calling me all through Sunday. His reply was that he thought I would call if I was free but I didn’t so he felt I had other plans. I said
“hmm…hmmm, na so!” He sha apologized and I said he shouldn’t bother cos there was nothing to apologize for. Then he asked if we could talk during happy hour (free midnight call time). I said he could call if he was awake. Conversation ended. He didn’t call that night. I guess he over slept. I didn’t call too although I was awake.

Oh! Before I forget. I called X that Monday night too. Had some spare credit on my phone and felt wharrahel, lemme just lhim and feel his pulse. It was a very brief one.
Me: Hello…
X: Hello…
Me: What’s up? Are you okay?
X: Yea I am…
Me: Okay, I just called to make sure you were okay cos I haven’t heard from you all these while. Good nigh…
X: Am fine. How is Mum, Dad and everybody…
(I didn't let him finish. If he was that concerned about my folks he should have called to enquire about how they were doing and not wait till I call to start asking me long questions)
Me: Everybody is fine. Good night.
X: Okay Good night. Will see you tomorrow…
Click.(line dropped.)

Next morning (Tuesday). I was still trying to settle in for the day’s work when X dropped in. I looked up and said “So the reason you dropped in today was cos I called you last night abi? If I didn’t call you, you probably won’t be here this morning”.
He tried to refute what I said and explained that he had been very busy as they had been having training since the previous week in his office and he was in charge of co-ordinating things.
I wasn’t accepting that excuse though. “So your training extended even to your house after work? What happened to all those times you dropped in after work? Anyway whether you admit or not, I know that the only reason you came here this morning is cos I called you last night”
He would not agree with that. “It’s not true baby. I have been very busy. Okay am very sorry please forgive me. You know I don’t like it when you are angry”.
I looked at his face. “Me, angry?! Nooo, for what now. No need to apologise ke”.
After some awkward minutes of silence. He goes “Okay, I have to get back to the office now. I’ll see you later”.
I nod my head and he turns to leave but stops suddenly.
“Ehen! how are we celebrating your birthday?”My birthday is coming up soon-September 2nd. I was impressed he remembered but I reply nonchalantly.
“My birthday? I’m not celebrating”
“I’ll like to take you on a trip to Ghana”
“Ghana? I don’t think I want to go anywhere…”
He stares at my hand on the table and says “And I have something I want to give you but it has to wait till then”
Next he lifts my hand off the table, holds my ring finger and asks “Hmm…what size of ring do you wear?”
In my head. Am already doing the logic & reasoning.
“Why are you asking?"
“Nothing just wanted to know…”
“Anyway, I don’t know the size…”
I give him this odd look. He has a funny smile on his face. “It’s okay. Don’t worry” he says and turns and leaves finally.
I look at the closed door in alarm.
OH MY GOD…HE WANTS TO GIVE ME AN ENGAGEMENT RING ON MY BIRTHDAY!
I feel the panic rise in my throat and my mind goes into a riot.
Yeee…Things are getting serious. It’s high time I make a decision what road to take and stick to it o! What if he gives me an engagement ring? What do I do? Accept it…or reject it? I don’t even have the answer to that. I want to get married and X is not a bad guy but O…ha O!..I love O! But does he love me as well? Does he think am worth sharing the rest of his life with? Maybe he doesn’t love me like that. Aphrodite stop jumping to conclusions. Talk to him first. Gauge his reaction. That should give you a clue as to what to do next.

All these were the thoughts going on in my mind.

Finally, I arrive at a conclusion.
I need to have that talk with O again.
This time I was not going to take “let’s take it a day at a time” for an answer. It is either he wants or he doesn’t want. Six months is enough time for him to know if he wanted this relationship to be a permanent one or not.
My mind made up to talk with O, I calmed down and faced the day’s work

I was in the middle of work when he called me. O i mean.
He apologized for not staying awake to call as promised the previous night. I said it was okay. He noticed I wasn’t sounding too bright and he asked “Aphro what is the matter? Are you still angry with me?” “Nothing is the matter. Just that we need to talk” I replied.
“Talk? About what? Tell me what it is” I could feel the rising curiosity in his voice.
“It’s not a telephone conversation. We’ll talk when we see”
“Okay, I’ll try to leave the office early and come by to see you at home this evening. Is that okay?”
“Yea, it is. See you then”
“Bye”

Throughout the rest of the day. I kept thinking about the impending discussion with O and how I was going to present the issue.I didnt want it to look like i was a desperado for marriage or anything like that. I even chatted with a close girlfriend about it. She had never being a fan of O and kept telling me “Aphro fashi dat guy, he is not going to marry you”. However when I gisted her about how O spent the night at the hospital recently with me when I was admitted for one day (Sorry I didn’t blog about that). She had a change of heart and said she didn’t know he was that caring. She also agreed with me that it was necessary to talk with him and determine exactly where the relationship was heading.

Buoyed by my chat with my friend. I was ready for 'The Talk'

I got home that evening to find my mum in the mood for a chat. She asked how my day went and I found myself telling her everything. She already knew X was staging a comeback in my life but she didn’t know how serious things were. I have never been more open on love issues with my mum as I was that evening. I told her about how I wasn’t feeling the love for X as I used to. How I think he is planning to propose to me on my birthday. The Ghana trip. Then I told her my biggest secret these past six months. I told her about O.
How he was the one I loved now. How nice he was and that he works in a bank. She seemed cool with my gist until I mentioned he was Edo but his mother was Ibo. She sat up straight, looked me in the eye and said “Why do you always like to go the negative way?”
I'm like “How mum?” She goes on. “Edo? God forbid! Let them use their witchcraft and kill my daughter for me, no way!”
I know better than to argue so I let her finish talking before I start explaining the connection O has with uncle 1004. Remember I had said in an earlier post- The pleasant surprise that O’s aunt(his mother’s younger sister) is married to my uncle(Mum’s relation). After my explanation. Mum calms down a bit. She didn’t look like she was ready to kill anyone anymore,lol…but she goes on to advise me to forget about O and stick with X because the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know(her words exactly).
I say “Mum, but you haven’t met him yet now…” She says “Why do I have to meet him? There is no point. Nne you can’t go to Edo please”. She goes on to lecture me about Edo people and how they are known for diabolical stuffs. I listen in silence. After a while she says. “Talk to your father about it, let us hear what he has to say”
I go “Haa…I can’t o! You want him to kill me?!! Mum you tell him for me”
She laughs. “Nooo! Tell him yourself”
Shaking my head vigorously and saying “Noooooo” I get up and head to my room. I needed to change and wait for O.

Sorry guys. I have to continue this post later. Damn! it is too long as it is already and my fingers are numb from typing. Promise to be back sooner than you think. Gist plenty ooooo...so stay tuned,lol...

Expecting to read your sincere intelligent comments as usual.

xxkissesxx

40 comments:

bumight said...

i like that you finally told your mom about it, but now that u have told her about X as well, knowing that there's another option that isn't Edo, she's more likely to lean towards X even if she knows nothing else about him.

people always say, " it is more important to marry a man that loves you than the one you love", even though u might be lucky to get both.

goodluck!

Flourishing Florida said...

sweetie, 2 tell u d truth, as much as i like wot i hear abt X i can't advise someone 2 marry someone simply because he loves her. cos i feel it's not fair on d giver of d love, 2 not receive any in return. seriously, if u r not feeling X anymore, release him 2 another woman who is able to love him back. both of u will be the happier 4 it.

i have 2 tell u dis, i really like d sound of X. O i feel is still a kid (i don't know his age o). & u need a matured man. every woman needs a matured man. but, based on dat alone, i cannot tell u 2 marry d man who doesn't turn ur world around (even 4 a sec). u'd b miserable. he'd b miserable. so, wot have u den achieved. i truly wish X has sisters who'd advise him. honestly, if i was his sister i'd tell him 2 leave u alone. simple! he shld leave u alone, so u can focus. maybe he's confusing himself dat u r still d woman u used 2 b & doesn't realize dat things have changed.

pls, remember something, d choice isn't btw O & X. oh no. u r still single & therefore any other single man can 'make application'. if X doesn't cut it anymore wit u, cut him out! even if ur mom & dad r so head over heels in love with him. u r d one dat will live with him, not dem.

however, i wouldn't advise u 2 hope on O either. he sounds too much like d man who hasn't made up his mind yet abt marriage. remember i don't know him o, so my judgment may b flawed. still, a man who is sure he's ready 4 a particular woman doesn't wait 4 her to do d marriage talk! he does it himself! it's as simple as dat!

Flourishing Florida said...

hey,

sorry if my outburst was a bit harsh there. it's a very brave thing u r doing putting ur dating life there 4 pple 2 read & judge. it's really braver even deciding who is making sense & who isn't. remember d saying 'too many hands spoils d broth'. still, week after week, u do this! who knows, maybe some of our comments have even contributed 2 ur confusion!

seriously, dear. i think u need to arrest this merry-go-round ur dating life has become. but daz strictly my own opinion. cos only u can decide wot is best 4 u. u know these men intimately. u know d peculiar circumstances surrounding ur life. u know ur parents best. everyone is diff in wot they hold as truth. so, as much as we all may enjoy d entertaining aspect of ur posts, i worry abt dir effects on u eventually.

Aphrodite said...

@bumight, i wish i could get both. A man i love and who loves me more,lol...

@flo, babes can i say this first. You are a woman after my heart seriously. I havn't completed the gist yet and you have summarized it for me already,lol...

Not to let the cat out of the bag yet. I'll just say...Once again you are right on point.

Aphrodite said...

@flo, i understand what you are saying babes but it's okay. I don't mind your comments. I decided to start this blog for the sole reason that I needed to talk to some other person about what was going on with me. I am a very private person and don't like sharing personal issues with my real-life friends as some of their opinions may be largely subjective. This blog affords me the opportunity to tell it as I feel it and also hear the unbiased opinions of people who don't know me personally even though i also realise that we all act/react based on our experiences in life.

Also, I am one person that has a mind of her own and even though at times some of the comments i read here help me see things differently. I still know what i want and that hasn't changed. Thanks, Mwuah!

Unknown said...

The only reason I said I'd stick with O is because you no longer seem to have any feelings for X.

Marriage is not easy oh. If you've fallen out of love with X, I wouldn't marry him. Cos marriage is hard enough without being in it with someone you don't love. Again correct me if I am wrong oh.

If you still have feelings for X, I would definitely choose him over O.

There is a difference between

1. Marrying a guy who loves you more than u love him (this definitely works and is a great recipe for a happy marriage, I think) and

2. Marrying a guy who loves you but who you no longer love.

For a marriage with X to have the best chances for success, I think you def need to love him a little at least:)

You know blogville loves and supports you whatever you decide. All the best, sha.

PS: I speak for myself when I say I don't think anyone can accuse you of not knowing your own mind. It's just nice to share...like you said.

If my comments on your last post seemed a bit harsh, I do apologise. I was just trying to be honest with you but that can come across as a bit harsh sometimes. I guess I'm just too outspoken sometimes. No offence meant. Peace.

Aphrodite said...

@naijalines, babes you are one person whose opinions i have always respected. I didnt take offense at ur comment on my previous post at all.

I also agree with this- "marriage is hard enough without being in it with someone you don't love"

Thanks for being there.

badderchic said...

My point of view?

Search your heart,follow your heart, whatever you decide? we support you!

thats my 2 cents.

archiwiz said...

Aww...that was a nice speech you put up there. And very true.

Wow!!! See courageous you...You told her and she calmed down...That's good...

I agree with FFF sha...And I also agree that at the bottom of your heart and mind...you will do what you need to.

zara (my alter ego) said...

thank God u finally told ur mum.. her reaction wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, i guess in the long run, as long as ure happy, she's happy... but.. o??... x?? i can understand y x.. x'd u for a while.. he probably felt u had been forming too much for him and he wanted u to chill small and see if u wud come to him,by calling him showed him u welcomed his attentions.. am sure he feels more confident now.. i mite be rong...o??/ dont even know wat to say about him.. but u have a tough decision to make here girl, and i pray whatever u decide is what is best for u.

Anonymous said...

I believe as a girl we all know the man we love as against the one that the love is all activity no substance.Being that when issues arise we look at that love in making our decisions.

I tend to like 'O' because he is a man you can work 'with' and 'on',I may be wrong.....to 'X' who I feel is set in his ways meaning he can get what he wants just because he wants it.

Do not get me wrong you need a man who is stable and yo are secured in his love.

Meaning,you can trust his decision on any matter and be at peace but more importantly you need a man that before taking any decision even if you are not consulted you are factored in that decision making process consciously.

Its a priceless gift you cant negotiate in a marriage.

I believe that as you have committed your relationship openly and shared your heart with God regarding your concerns he will guide you and you would listen to his lead.

All the best dear.............You would be just fine.......

MG

Afrobabe said...

Chineke,...i was scrolling down and singing first first first..

ok....first to say first jare!!!

O'Dee said...

oooooooooooooooooo.
U should have finished d gist jor.

I have never really being a fan of O, cos I feel he doesn't come out straight. A man always knows what he wants, n if he wants 2 marry u, he 4 don tuk am since.

That said, do not think about feelings alone. Look @ d big picture; 10 years 4rm now. Is X or O the kind of man u want by ur side?

Some blogger said; emotions will come n go. When all d initial electric feeling isn't there anymore, who will u want beside you?

Aphrodite said...

@badderchic, thanks for standing by me. I appreciate that dear.

@archiwiz, thanks babes. At the end of the day, its my decision to make.

@zara, she mellowed when i mentioned the connection to uncle 1004. Anyway i must also admit that I also was a bit shocked at her reaction. It wasn't as bad as i expected.

@anon MG, thanks babes. i get ur point. Am praying for God's guidance.

@afro,lol...i hope you don stop to cry o,lol...

Femi Adeyemi said...

FFF's comments seem blog worthy, with its length..LOL
Anyways X seems too smooth for moi, and i think O isn't ready to commit as u guys are still 6 months into a relationship.
Your mum's overreacting about Edo people, my mum was Edo, and they aren't half bad really.

We do appreciate you sharing your love stories. At least when some of us find love and experience something similar to your experiences, we will remember and try to deal with them the way you have been admirably doing so far.

Take good care dear and pray you make the right choices..

Flourishing Florida said...

come, aphro, y i nefa see u 4 my blog since since na? i dey vex o

Aphrodite said...

@oluwadee, thanks babes. I picked one very useful thing from ur comment. 10 years from now, who would i prefer to be with...

Dont worry , will conclude the gist soon.

@genius, thanks for the encouragement bro. I'm glad my stories will be of help sometime.

Aphrodite said...

@flo, am coming oooo...no vex,lol...

Mz. Dee said...

damn.. everybody has said most of wat i want to say...

not all edo ppl are winches oo!! i'm nt a winch.. my mama no be winch..lol!

jst wanted to make u smile small..

did it work?

Mz. Dee said...

and hun? i'm prayin 4 ya.

update soon.

Afrobabe said...

lmao @ Edo people doing jazz...I know Edo people have big things sha..

ok the koko of the matter..hmmm things are going real fast now...

No release anyone oh...wettin FFF dey talk for there...say yes to all of them then sit down and decide...


oya have u had the talk with O? finish the story joh...

doll (retired blogger) said...

i reserve my comment till i read the concluding part. but if O says he is gona merry u doesnt mean he will sha o! i prefer action to words. but i'l stay tuned

doll (retired blogger) said...

now that i have read the comments am inclining towards Florida. now i know why i luv her blog. LOL. update fast cuz i will soon shut down for the day

Aphrodite said...

@mz.dee yea it worked dear. Of cos, all Edo peeps are not witches. You know how we generalise in this Naija...
Thanks for the prayers.

@afro, u and big things...lol...make e no kill u o,lol...yes to all of them ke? You go come save me when wahala burst?lol...
I had the talk with him o, no be small thing...

@doll, of cos i knwo babes. No be today we start to hear IGM(I go marry) format,lol...Oya begin go house. Come back tomoro for the update.

Ms.O said...

Ahhh am not liking that overreaction of Edo people oo..seen as am EDO..and am a JESUS GIRL OO!!! anywayz onto the matters..
Hmm this X boy is too smooth, so after not calling you for days he now says he might propose. I dunno but it seems the boy might just have game and know how to work it. I dunno about O either sounds too immature. Hmm girl as long as your heart is not 100% Into either of them, free them!!! There are plenty fishes in the sea. Am sure if any of them where truly yours, this decision wont be hard to make. kEEP UR HEAD UP SWEETIE..XOXO

princesa said...

Madam aphro...
this is getting serious o.
I agree that you need to prune down fast or do away with the ones you dont want instead of causing urself unnecessary heartache.

and shouldn't u have had that talk with O first before ur mum?

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for the conclusion to this post.

The title made me think of lesbian action...dunno why cos it's clear u don't go that route.

I'm glad ur mom knows knows abt O but I can't help but laugh at her reaction.

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

at the end of the day x and o are not even up to 1% of men even in ur area.

u really dont av to be pressurized into marriage. if u feel u dont love x enuf to marry him then dont.

irrespective of wot u decide, remember that there is that reason why x is ur x today. and also that reason why o is giving u even the slightest reason to think of life with x. darling if both of them dont cut it. no amount of wot u do can make them cut it 4 u.

it doesnt even av to be x or o in the end. it really is about u, wot suits u, wot u can live with and wot keeps u make. and i use the word keep on purpose, not make but keep u happy.

doll (retired blogger) said...

oya. iv checked back. update

Jay said...

Honey focus on your feelings to get clarity. O n X it seems both haven't reach the 100 % mark for you to easily choose btw them.

And like some people have said, it doesn't necessarily have to be either of them.

Perhaps you need to put them both in the "naughty corner" (lol) and try and figure out your feelings

Whatever u decide we are right behind you, choose carefully xxxx

Jay said...

Honey focus on your feelings to get clarity. O n X it seems both haven't reach the 100 % mark for you to easily choose btw them.

And like some people have said, it doesn't necessarily have to be either of them.

Perhaps you need to put them both in the "naughty corner" (lol) and try and figure out your feelings

Whatever u decide we are right behind you, choose carefully xxxx

NikkiSab said...

Babe. U should be with some1 dat loves u back. No one wants to b cheated in luv, i say dis cos u wld b cheating him out of some1 who may reciprocate d luv he gives. U will cheat urself by spending d rest ur life with some1 u may truly neva fully luv and it will loo like a chore being with him. I say search ur heart for who u tink is d person u want to wake up next to for d rest of ur life, even wen he makes u so mad u still luv him.
U get ba,!!

Aphrodite said...

@ms.O, lol...X has been proposing since o and he didnt say he might propose. He just said he wants to give me something which i suspect is the ring.I guess u are right though. If am feeling X, the decision shouldnt be too hard to make.

@princesa,how u take know?!! I should have o...just wait for the concluding part of the gist.

@iwalewa, lesbian action ke? Not for me abeg,lol...u wont have to wait too long babes.

@lighty, you are so right babes. It doesnt have to be either of them.

@doll, lol...have some patience babes...

@jarrai,i think that 'naughty corner' is ready to receive them.

Aphrodite said...

@nikkisab, i get my dear sister.Thanks.

Aphrodite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Buttercup said...

wow, i can imagine the thrill u felt when X mentioned takin u to ghana for ur birthday n askin bout ur ring size...

lol @ ur mum!

i wonder what u said to O...

off to read!

Lady said...

GODNESS ME..I CANT BELIEVE IT..SO U MEAN ALL THIS WHILE....THERE WAS A BLOG WIV SOOOO MUCH BOBO GIST AND NO ONE EVEN THOT TO NOTIFY ME EHN?? and they knu hw much i lurrrrrrrrve me sum gist..lol..
okay ni gat to read the whole blog now..CATCH UP..SO THAT ME TOO I CAN BE LEAVING INTELLIGENT COMMENTS..LOLOLO
P.S:XOXO

Lady said...

GODNESS ME..I CANT BELIEVE IT..SO U MEAN ALL THIS WHILE....THERE WAS A BLOG WIV SOOOO MUCH BOBO GIST AND NO ONE EVEN THOT TO NOTIFY ME EHN?? and they knu hw much i lurrrrrrrrve me sum gist..lol..
okay ni gat to read the whole blog now..CATCH UP..SO THAT ME TOO I CAN BE LEAVING INTELLIGENT COMMENTS..LOLOLO
P.S:XOXO

Lady said...

OH BTW...I'VE BEEN IN THAT SITUation b4.....the man that LOVES U MORE....U KNOW HE IS A GOOD MAN AND WILL TREAT U RIGHT..SO U TRY TO MAKE IT WORK....trust me beybey.....as the days go by he only becomes more and more annoyingly irritating to you....WELL I DNT KNU HW LONG U GUYS BEEN DATING FOR BUT......from my own experience ooo..if it is getting to the marriage stage..AND U HEART STILL AINT FEELING IT..THEN....damnnnnnn..........
however..
U KU HW SUM PEOPLE SAY THEY DINT OVE THEIR HUSBANDS......THEY FELL IN LOVE AS THE MARRIAGE PROGRESED...
WELL....
i PERSONALLY want to have it all.....I WANT THAT EXCITEMNT OF RECIPROCATED LOVE......and i wish that on u too my dear...
p.s:xoxoxo

anonymous gal(retired blogger) said...

i copy and paste floridas statement.she has said it all