Settling...

Mummy said to me recently…
“Aphrodite, my dear, I would love for you to get married soon and to someone from our place. It is a thing of pride for a mother who’s daughter marries from home and not from faraway. However, I don’t mind if the man is not from our town but he has to be of the same tribe as us. A first daughter doesn’t go too far from home, you hear?”

I heard her loud and clear.

These past few days, its becoming more and more imminent that I may have to say ‘yes’ to X. O hasn’t asked anything yet so there is no question to say yes to. I know where my heart lies but it is unfortunate that I have to make a decision that may not be in line with my heart’s desire.

X is not a bad guy. He is actually good to me and I think he will make me a good husband. I may never get to know what kind of husband O will make. I used to love X, am sure I can still rekindle that love and make the best of married life with him after all it is said that if life hands you lemons, you make lemonade out of them!
I might as well try to make lemonade out of my lemons.

Love, everyone says is a decision.
I did not choose to fall in love with O. It just happened!
But I chose to fall out of love with X then. Maybe I can try to fall back into love with him again.

I know some of you my friends may feel that am ‘settling’. Maybe I am. The truth is that I really want to settle down and have those beautiful babies and if X is the man, so be it! For many girls, X could be the man of their dreams. Is it becos there is O and I am opportuned to have choices that I do not know that I should appreciate what God has presented before me?

I don’t need a soothsayer to tell me that my parents will not accept O simply because he is not Ibo. X is not from my town but at least he is Ibo and my family already know him and do not have anything against him.

I must admit also that I am a bit scared of waddling into unknown rivers. Marrying a man from a different tribe scares me really. They may have some strange culture and traditions that doesn’t tally with my own beliefs and values as a person. What happens then? Call it cowardice but the truth is I am more comfortable amongst my own.

I haven’t said anything to O yet. I don’t even know how to bring the issue up. X has been waiting patiently for an answer to his proposal. I don’t know how long his patience will last.

I wanted so much to find the kind of mind-consuming, heart skipping love I desired which was why I named this blog-‘Girl in search of love’ . Just when it seems I had found what I wanted. I have to let it go.

It’s so sad…
:(