The talk.

I didn’t wait too long before O calls to say he was outside my house. I quickly freshen up and rush outside to meet him. We walk to our usual spot at the end of my close. No one is around cos it’s late and everyone is in the comfort of their homes so we have all the privacy we need.
I have this serious look on my face which he notices and tries to get me to loosen up. “Ha, aphro why the strong face now? Looosen up now…oya give me a smile, smileee now…”
I try to smile but I know it isn’t convincing cos the smile feels fake even to me. He shrugs and goes “Okay so what is this thing we need to talk about”.

I can’t recount what I said to him word for word but I can summarize it.
So I tell him how I feel he hasn’t been showing enough commitment in our relationship cos If I don’t call, he won’t call. How I feel I am the one trying to make the relationship work. How I need to know what exactly he has in mind for the relationship cos it’s been since months now and I believe a six months old baby has started crawling at least and taking solid foods so we need to establish a course for our relationship. How I felt by now he should know if I was the kind of woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and vice versa. I also tell him about my discussion with my mum and her reaction but that I needed to know what he was thinking before starting an unnecessary war with my folks.

After talking for a while, I stop and look at him to see if he is getting the message. He looks at me amused then says “Go on now, am listening…”
I reply “But I just said a lot now and I want you to respond to all I said”
Then he chuckles quietly, adjusts himself properly on the pavement floor where we are seated and speaks.
“Aphro, you know how I feel about you. You know my people love you already. My mum and brothers havn’t met you but they are always asking about you. My sister likes you…”
I cut in “That is not what am asking you. This is not about ur family but about you and me. What do you really want? I need to know”
“Aphro, I love you and I will love to marry you. How can I not want that? You are a great person and I can wake up to your face everyday for the rest of my life but I am scared. I'm scared your parents will not accept me. Look at what you just said about your mum’s reaction. I have always wanted to marry into a family that accepts and loves me and I don’t want to be a problem for you and your family. I don’t want you to hate me later on in life for putting you against your parents”
My head is bent down and I am quietly listening to him but my mind is working seriously.
He goes on.
“What happens if I come to ask for your hand and they reject me? What happens then aphro?”
I look up at him. The sadness in my heart threatening to break out as tears from my eyes but I steel myself before I begin to talk.
“I have heard all you said. Whether they accept you or not doesn’t arise now. The main issue should be is this what you and I want? If we are both sure that we want to be together then facing my parents is the next step. I am not thinking of the problems I may encounter in your family. Am not worrying If they will accept me or not or if they will change their attitude towards me later. You are not ibo but am not thinking whether I will be able to adjust to your culture or not. All that are secondary issues. The main issue is Do I want to be with this man for the rest of my life? Anyway my interpretation of all you just said to me is that you are not ready for marriage and you are just trying to use my parents as an excuse. It is okay. The last thing I will do is to marry a man who doesn’t want it as much as I do. I should have talked to you first before bringing it up with my mum. Maybe it wouldn’t have been necessary to tell her about you in the first place”

At this point, he tries to pull me into his arms as he speaks
“Aphro, is that your own interpretation of what I said? It is not true at all. Am not trying to use your parents as an excuse. All am saying is the truth. I know how you feel about me. Infact if I was in doubt before, your actions today and what you just said now has just dispelled that. You say you shouldn’t have discussed me with your mum today but I think it is a good thing. I am happy that you did. I just know that there will be problems. Your parents will see me as an intruder which I don’t want…”

I cut in.
“You know what? I am not convinced you love me enough. I will tell you something. The guy I broke up with when I met you, B.G. He wanted to marry me but I wasn’t sure I wanted that and anytime he brought up the issue, I always told him that my parents won't accept him cos he wasn’t catholic and he is not from my place. Do you know what he would say? He would say to me “Aphro, forget about ur parents. If you love and accept me, your parents will have no choice but to accept me. That is a man in love. O, that is a man in love!”

I stop at this point. There is a palpable silence. I glance sideways at him and he looks really quiet and deep in thought. I know that what I just said has touched a raw nerve. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned B.G. I know how men hate to be compared with other men and O really hates it. Anyway, I needed to stress my point and that was the best way I could do it. It may have been a wrong way but I have done it. All there was to do now was to wait for him to speak. It was a long wait but he finally did when I started sobbing silently.

“*Clearing his throat* I have heard all you said Aphro. You know I hate been compared with anybody but it’s okay. I have heard you. Maybe I was seeing things differently from the way you are seeing it. You are upset now so i don’t want us to continue this. I need to digest everything that has gone down here and you need to calm down too so maybe we should just stop talking about this now okay?”

By now, am sobbing even harder but I respond still.
“I have always dreamt that when i would get married, it would be a romantic marriage proposal where my man would go down on his knees and ask me to marry him and I would jump on him and say yes. This is not how I wanted it. I shouldn’t be the one asking you if you want to spend your life with me or not..."

He stands up and pulls me up into his arms. I hug him tightly and look up at him with tear filled eyes still speaking.
“I understand if you want to think about it... It’s okay…”
“No, It’s not that. I don’t need to think about it…I just think that emotions are high now. I love you baby, I do even if you do not believe it…”
Wiping my eyes, I glance at the clock on my mobile phone.
“You need to start going now. It’s getting really late”

We walk back towards the house in silence. At the front of my house, we stare at each other. I don’t know if he expects a good night kiss. I want to kiss him but I know the mood is not right so I turn away and walk into my gate. He also gets into his car and drives off.

That was Tuesday night.

Wednesday all day, I expected his call but he never called. Got a text from him as I was preparing to leave for home in the evening. It read-

“I have not been myself since our talk last night. I don’t wanna lose you, the mere thot of it renders me clueless as to how life would be without you-unbearable”

I didn’t reply it though...didn’t know what to say.

I am typing this post on Friday morning and till this moment he hasn’t called or sent another text. I have decided to let him be. It is hard but I won’t call or text either. Let him take all the time he needs. Marriage is an important step; I do not expect him to take it if he isn’t ready.

Just that he may not find me willing when he finally decides to.

There is still plenty gist o. I haven't told you guys I talked with Bobo Nice. Then there is B.G too who of late has been sending sweet text messages to me asking that I have a rethink about us. Aha! There is Doctor too. I have never blogged about him before. He is currently in the UK doing a course but will be back in the country sooon.

So guys, keep a date next week for more tory(Una like gist well well o,lol...)

Great weekend everyone.