REWIND

I logged into my blog this morning to find a whole lot of comments.

Thanks peeps. I know you all got my back but somehow it seems as if my last post generated a lot of furore.
Apparently ‘Submission’ is a very controversial/sensitive issue for many people/couples.
After reading all your opinions, I think its only fair to voice out exactly what I feel about a woman submitting to her husband/boyfriend in a relationship.
I believe it’s not just plain this & that or black and white.
One has to apply a lot of wisdom and caution to matters of the heart. I also agree with princesa that there can’t be two captains in a ship. One person has to defer to the other.


The bible tells us that it’s the woman’s duty to defer to her husband but who says a woman can’t steer the ship for, instance? Some times a man out of LOVE can decide to let his wife/girlfriend’s decision prevail. It doesn’t mean he has let go of his position as the head of the home. It only means that he is mature enough to know that they are in the ship together and have equal stakes as individuals.
I think it all boils down to the big word-LOVE. If a man loves his wife thoroughly, submission won’t be an issue cos it will come naturally to the woman. It’s simple!

That's just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. Check out this blog too. She has something interesting to say on the issue of submission between couples.

FFF, you wanted to write about this issue too. Go ahead dear as long as no names are mentioned.

Moving on, I want to apologise for just hitting you guys with that previous post without giving you some background gist first which was why Laughter was asking if I was the one who initiated the meeting with O’s mum.

Anyway, I have decided to put up this post that I had typed before the last one. I wasn’t able to post it then and somehow, events just overtook each other.

I must warn you tho, it’s in my usual fashion, very looooong! lol…You might want to grab some popcorn and coke first ;) Oh well, just read on.

I look forward to reading ur comments meanwhile I’ll be at ur spots sooner that you know…
Kisses…

THE POST THAT SHOULD HAVE COME BEFORE


Hey guys!
I’m sorry if it seemed as if I had gone AWOL on you all.
First of all, let me say a very big Happy New year to everyone.
HhhhaaaappppyyyyyyNnnneewwwyyyeeeaaarrrr!!!!!
Hmmmmmphhh…*catching back my breath*
May 2009 be a year of fulfillment for all of us, Amen.

A lot’s been happening to me just that I haven’t had time to blog for a while. Been busy rounding up 2008, work and all…

Now I have a lil’ bit time, I guess I’ll just update you all on the happenings.

No I haven’t found a new love yet although there have been prospects just that they weren’t my type.

One of them was a cousin of a friend who is based in the U.S but returned to the country for the Xmas hols. I had gone to visit this friend on Xmas day, okay it was more like I had gone to eat Xmas rice at her place,lol…I hadn’t bothered to cook cos I was home alone(everyone had traveled to the Village for Xmas) and my friend had invited me to have lunch at hers so off I went.
Got there, ate and was busy chatting with her when this cousin of hers walked into the sitting room.
Her younger sister exclaimed:
“Aha! Aphro, have you met my fine cousin?”
I turned to look at the new comer.
He was fine all right but not my type of fine. For one, he was too light and looked like he used bleaching creams. That was number one minus. I didn’t want to be dragging cream in the house with my man,lol…don’t mind me ;)

I passed by him in the hallway as I was leaving their house and said goodbye but dude pulled me back and started asking for my details(name & number). I didn’t like the way he went about it but I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of my friend so I acquiesced and gave him the info he sought. His approach was number 2 minus for him tho.

Now, he is back in the U.S and has called me twice already but I don’t see any potential hook-up with him sha.

Maybe I’m still hung on O.
Scratch that, I am still hung up on him.
Yea, I know some of you might want to give me a slap right now,lol….
But the truth is that I still love him too much for my own good.
The temptation to call him has been really strong since this new year especially after my visit to Uncle E’s place on the 1st.

I had gone to visit Uncle E after I saw him at a family function and he had insisted I come by. He was alone with his wife at home when I went. All his kids were grown up now and were either married or on their own.

We had a nice time, gisting and all…Uncle E had always been fun to hang with. He has this very youthful disposition to life and always refers to himself as a ‘small boy’,lol…
His wife is also very warm so I was enjoying my time with them until talk about ‘O’ came up.
Remember his wife is O’s aunt. Refer to this post here.

So somehow the talk drifted to O. I think it was when uncle started complaining about his youngest son who worked in a bank and how he never had time for himself cos he was always working. He had even worked on Xmas day!
Then he said “It’s the same thing O’s mum is complaining about him. He is always working even on weekends, It’s too bad what these banks are doing to our young ones”

I agreed with him but also remarked that in O’s case, I seriously doubt if it was only the bank job that was keeping him busy.

Uncle laughed and retorted “What else then? Okay and you too!” His wife joined in the laughter. I had to defend myself. “Me? Noooo! He hardly even has time for me. In fact to tell you guys the truth we are no more together”

Of course, they were curious to know the whole story so I had to tell them. His aunt(uncle E’s wife) kept insisting that there was no other girl and it was his work at the bank that was keeping him always busy. Uncle was of the opinion that he wouldn’t vouch for him cos he was a young man and anything was possible.

Uncle E’s wife also mentioned that she had spoken to him a few days back and enquired about me. According to her he didn’t say anything to suggest that we had broken up. I only replied that maybe he didn’t want them to know.

They however said they were going to call him to hear his own side of the matter despite my insisting that it wasn’t necessary and I didn’t want him (O) to feel as if I came to report to them so that they could talk to him.

Later that same evening, when I was at home. Guess who called?
O’s mum.
She had called to wish me a happy new year and then she asked the question again:
“What is happening, why haven’t we been seeing you?”
I tried to dodge the question by saying it was nothing.
Then she said “I want to see you. Can you come by the house sometime?”
I answered “Okay ma”

I have been thinking whether to go see her or not. Maybe Uncle E’s wife had talked to her. I don’t want O to start feeling important or anything like that. His ego is already big enough but I also don’t want to appear disrespectful to O’s mum.

What do u guys think?




More gist...


Ehen…O and I had a long midnight conversation last night.
It all started with a text he sent that read thus:


“I’m listening to your boy Chris Brown singing our song-‘With you’ and am hearing the song in your voice. Why did you change and plunge us into this state of existence? Why Aphro?”

I didn’t quite understand him so I sent a reply:
“Me, plunge us into this state? It was you who decided you had had enough of the relationship and stayed away. I only left you alone to lick my wounds in private. Am not surprised tho, it’s always my fault when things go wrong”

He replied:
“Nne m, its not like that. I have my faults too. U just don’t strike me as making enough effort to meet me halfway on issues. If I didn’t come to you, why didn’t you attempt to come to me?”

My reply:
U talk about meeting you halfway when you didn’t even take a step? Maybe am old fashioned but I still believe a man should make the first move and the woman will follow”

Him:
“Remember when u would come see me on ur way out of the office. I always felt so happy seeing you. Was that old fashioned?

Me:
"That should tell you, I would do much more only if I felt that u cared for me. I stopped coming when I stopped feeling loved. U stopped caring and treated me like trash”

He:
“It would be a Herculean task to stop caring about you, if not impossible”

I was tired of the back and forth texting so I called him. It was midnight and already ‘Free calls time’.
We talked for quite some time. Mostly about how we ended up where we were. For him, it was our regular quarrels over silly stuffs that made him stay away. I still held my opinion that if he loved me he wouldn’t give up on the relationship but try to work things out.
I cant really recall all we talked about that night but I remember getting pissed at some things he said. Like when he said:


“Aphro, if we come back together, I’m going to have to be hard on you. I think I spoilt you and let you get away with some things. You are stubborn and I admit, I am too but we can’t keep struggling for supremacy in this relationship. It’s not possible”

I wanted to take him up on that statement but realized that things were still delicate at that point and I didn’t want to worsen the situation so I pretended I didn’t hear him.

We didn’t come to any conclusion that night cos his phone battery went dead and we couldn’t continue talking.

That was two days before the meeting at his mother’s.

Now, I don’t really know what the situation is…if we are back together or not.
We’ve been communicating but there is still a lot of underlying issues that we need to thrash.
A guy pal said to me yesterday:


“Aphro, you really love this guy so you just need to accept him the way he is and learn how to follow him so you guys won’t be having any more quarrels”

I agree I love him but does this mean I have to sentence myself to a life of unhappiness?



I deserve to be loved the way I want. I deserve it!

To comply or not...

So his mum called us for a meeting last Sunday.

Just me, him and her.

And she pointed out where we had both gone wrong

So we both said “I’m sorry” to each other

And promised to put the past behind us.

Obviously she loves me and wants me for a daughter-in-law

But her son’s got to love me too, innit?

She played all those childish games:

“Oya Aphro, go and sit on his laps…” “O, you go and hug her…”

And even though I found it all funny

The bitter taste of rejection and hurt lingers on in my mouth.

It’s not as easy as she made it seem

We still got a lot of issues to resolve

Like our silly quarrels over nothing

He also gave a condition…

“We can't both be captains in this relationship, Aphro. You’ve got to be the woman and let me be the man”

His mum concurred “My dear, you have to be submissive. I was too to my husband and he loved me until his death”

I agree, a woman should be submissive but do I have to lose my sense of self.

Do I have to agree to all he says even when I don’t feel like?

Can’t I even voice my own views without him thinking am trying to dominate him?

I have always had a strong personality…never been the meek type.

Why do I have to be someone else now?

I always thought, love should accept you the way you are and not try to change you.

It’s up to you, he said.

Comply or Forget me.


HAPPY NEW YEAR MY DARLINGS!

I called...

Okay so I just called him now.

Yea, I know I said I wasn’t going to call again.

But guys, plzzzzzz don’t be too quick to crucify me.

I had to do it.

I don’t even know why.

I just know I had to call.

Maybe I was seeking some sort of explanation or closure…

Not sure which one it was

I know for sure, I wanted answers

I wanted to know where things stood.

I mean, relationships don’t just end like this…

One minute, you guys are good together,

The next everything is in disarray and it's like someone pulled the mat from under your feet and you are hanging in the air.

He left me hanging…

And I didn’t want that.

I needed closure. I needed to know that we were done.

I needed to hear it from his lips.

“Aphrodite, this relationship is over”

So I called.
He picked up at second ring.

"Hello"
“Hi”
I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. There is no way I was going to let show in my voice, how broken I was.

Well, after some small talk,
I went straight to the reason why I called.

“So you chose to dump me and are not man enough to tell me?”

His reply:
“Is that what you want?”

I understood the game he was playing. Sly guy.

“It’s not about what I want, after all your actions these past weeks have shown me that you are no more interested in the relationship. How else do you explaining not picking my calls, replying my text messages. You won’t call even when you see my missed calls. How do you want me to interprete that?

To cut the story short.

His explanation was that we had been having a lot of quarrels recently and he just felt that he wasn’t adding any value to the relationship and he decided to just stay away since he was always making me unhappy.

What an excuse!

What was this guy going on about??
Didn’t all relationships have one problem or the other? Are couples not supposed to work out their issues?
In his own case, he doesn’t want to try to work things out rather he feels the best thing to do is to cut me off??


Gratefully, the line cut off. I didn’t call back. There was no point.

Did I get the answer I sought?

I don’t know.



* Saw his missed calls later on my phone. He probably called when I wasn't with the phone and No, i didnt call back.

On the side.
I just want to mention this to clear those who feel that O’s mum may have something to do with his behaviour.


Some days back. I just felt this urge to call her. O’s Mum , I mean.
The phone rang for a while but she didn’t pick.
I didn’t call back.

Later, I was sleeping when my phone woke me up. I glanced at the clock. It was a minute to midnight.
I picked up the phone and it was his mum calling. I pressed the green button but the line went off before I could answer so I called her back.
Our convo went something like this

Her: Hello…
Me: Hello ma
Her: Hello my dear. How are you? I saw your missed call on my phone.
Me: Yes mummy. I called you earlier but you didn’t pick up.
Her: Yes I left my phone at home then. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in a long while.
Me: I have been around.
Her: You know today is my birthday (It was past 12 midnight by now)
Me: Oh yea? I didn’t know o! Let me be the first to wish you a happy birthday. Happy birthday to you ma and I wish you God’s blessings.
Her: Thank you my dear. May God grant you all your heart desires.
Me: Amen.
Her: O is upstairs o! You want to talk to him? Should I call him?
Me: Noooooo! No ma. There is no need for that. Enjoy your birthday. Good night ma.
Her: Okay my dear. Good night.

A Post in Two parts.

*Very Very long post alert* Read at ur own discretion,lol...

Sorry guys for not putting up this post earlier. Just been caught up with so many other stuffs. I haven’t been very happy too. Yea, O is the cause, who else? Fineboy agbero, oya gloat all you want, lol…

Am sure most of you already know that we were blessed with a long holiday these past days. FIVE WHOLE DAYS to rest and play! It was meant to be a wonderful one. I made so many plans. Plans on how I and O would spend the holiday together, enjoying each others company. Something which we haven’t been able to do in a while cos of his crazy work schedule. He is always working, even most weekends so you see why I was very excited about the holidays especially as it coincided with their bank’s financial year end and he had promised me that we would have enough time to spend with each other.

Things didn’t go as planned. We had one of our worst lovers tiffs during the period and well, yea the hols turned out to be a sad, boring and depressing one for me. I don’t know how it was for him. I dont know If he was as miserable as I was, but then he stayed away so I guess he was comfortable with the situation.

Why am I rambling?

I am supposed to gist you guys how the meeting with Sister Prayer warrior on Friday went. Okay I better start with that gist first, will still get to I and O’s issues later.

This post will be in two parts.

PART 1- MEETING WITH S.P
Friday morning, I didn’t go to work. I dressed up as decently as I could(Not that I don’t dress decently before o, just that I needed to polish up my good girl image,lol…). In my long gown, jacket and scarf, I drove down to Sister Prayer’s place. Incidentally, She lived in my vicinity so it was more like a 5mins drive.
My friend had told me she starts to see people from 9a.m so I wanted to get there on time cos I assumed there were going to lots of people there(you all know how our Naija peeps love prophecy and miracles) and I didn’t want to be the last on the line.

I got to Sister Prayer’s house at about five mins to Nine. It was a nice looking compound with a big white house. It wasn’t the usual prayer house setting. She held her prayers and consultations with people in her living room. It was more like a group of close family friends having a tea party thing, u get? I discovered that it wasn’t a crowd affair. All through the time I was there up till when she finally saw me, there were only about 8 of us. Three I had met there when I came and four others who came later. I shouldn’t have worried about coming late and being last in line cos there was no line. I learnt from one of the ladies I met there that sister prayer didn’t start her office till 10a.m so I had to wait one extra hour after I got there. I soon drifted off to sleep while waiting. Don’t blame me, the cushion was plush,lol…

From the look of her home, It was obvious Sister Prayer and her family were not hungry people. I remembered my friend telling me that she didn’t accept money or gifts from people. She always said that Jesus was providing for her family and she didn’t need anyone’s money. That helped to reduce my skepticism cos I was always wary of those prayer warriors that ask you to bring money for all sorts of things ranging from oil to candles and all what not. Some even tell you to pay for people who will fast for you if you cant do it urself, imagine!

Back to my gist…

At about 10a.m, Sister prayer(let’s call her S.P from now) came into the living room. She wasn’t as old as I had expected. She looked to be in her early forties. She greeted everyone and asked that we knelt down for prayers. Sorry, I didn t menton this earlier. S.P is catholic which was one reason I agreed to go see her. I am also catholic and I can tell you that in the catholic church, stuffs like prophets, visioners, prayer warriors are not that common. The church frowns at them not cos it is wrong or anything but because they believe that a lot of times, it is difficult to discern btw those who are working with the power of God and the fake ones who are working with the devil so before the church recognizes a person to be a prophet/prayer warrior they must have done a lot of investigations spiritually and otherwise to be sure he/she is working under the dictates of the holy spirit. I decided to go see S.P cos my friend also told me that the priests in my parish recognized her and were aware that she held prayers and counseling sessions in her home.

After the prayers, she started to call people one after the other to a corner of the living room(the dining area) where she had set up a mini-office.
Soon enough, it got to my turn. After introducing myself, I explained the reason I was there. I was having a lot of suitors and I needed to know the will of God concerning my marriage. She smiled and spoke very softly(She had the softest voice). She talked about how first of all, I needed to amend my life and get closer to God in prayers. She asked about the last time I received communion which I must confess had been a long time (Una no say aphro na big sinner now. Number 1 sin-FORNICATION,it’s a sin whether we like to admit it or not).
We talked for a while. During the discussion, she made me see reason why I needed to go to confession and renew my relationship with God all over. She also gave me some prayers to say for a month after which I should come back to see her and by then she would have a message from God for me.
It wasn’t what I had expected. I mean, I had expected her to lay hands on me or something and start seeing visions or something but it wasn’t like that. It was more like a conversation with a friend. She made me feel very comfortable and after the session, my heart was made up that she was for real. I must add tho that while she was talking, I was wondering what to do with O cos if I go to confession, I couldn’t continue in the same sin. I couldn’t continue making love with him although am not sure if kissing and touchery is also out of the question.
Guys, I need your opinion on this. Am thinking, if he is really sincere, it shouldn’t be a problem, right?

I haven’t started the prayers yet. I plan to go for confession this weekend then start the prayers afterwards.

Okay, so that was how my meeting with S.P went.

PART 2- HOLIDAY QUARREL
O had told me some time past that his mum was eager to meet me and he wanted me to meet her on Sunday(last Sunday). I agreed.

So Sunday morning, after church, He called to say he was coming to get me in the afternoon. I was apprehensive. What if she didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like her? He waved off my fears saying she loved me already and It was just a formality.

So I got dressed up, looking like a cute, good girl in my white shirt and red top,lol…

To cut long story short. The meeting with his mum went well. we hit it off rightaway. She regaled me with gists about O from when he was a kid. It was obvious she thought the world of her son. I laughed hard when she said “My son is a hot cake o!” I responded “Mama, I am a hot cake too o…ask my mama” All in all, it was a fun meeting. She brought out a bottle of wine and asked O to say a prayer over it. It was funny cos I didn’t know he could pray like dat. After the prayer, we shared the drink while listening to his mum's non-stop gists.

O stylishly whispered in my ears that we had to leave cos his mum would go on and on if we let her. Hugs and bye-byes done, we left for the mall to see a movie.

We didn’t do the movie again cos it was too late when we got there and I didn’t want to stay out too late. So we decided to do some window shopping in some of the stores there. While walking around the stores, I noticed O wasn’t looking bright and he wasn’t responding to me like before. I kept asking what was wrong with him and he kept saying “nothing, I’m okay”. It was soon obvious that he wasn’t okay and I kept badgering him to tell me what was wrong. After much pressure he told me he wasn’t feeling too well, he was feeling dizzy. I insisted we sit down somewhere so he could rest. After some time, I asked if he was feeling better and he said yes. It was getting late so we had to leave. I offered to drive us home even tho I don’t drive a manual car but he refused saying he could manage. As we walked to the car park, I noticed he kept wincing so I asked again how he was feeling. He didn’t reply. I kept asking but he wasn’t talking.

On the drive back home, I asked again. He still didn’t talk, just kept wincing like he was in pain. Then I asked If there was anything I could do to make him feel better. He said No, and that just being there was enough. Seeing as he didn’t want to talk anymore I decided to keep quiet but in my heart I was feeling sad and miserable cos I didn’t like to see him like dat.

At a point, during the drive he spoke:
“Aphro, why are you sulking? Be yourself, sing, dance for me like you used to”
But I wasn’t in the mood for singing and dancing so I replied “I don’t feel like…”
We didn’t talk to each other after that although I kept sneaking glances at him. He had stopped wincing and was beginning to look okay. I soon drifted off to sleep only to wake up when he drove into my close. I turned to look at him and he asked “So have you finished sulking?” I was like “I wasn’t sulking, just felt that you didn’t want to talk so I kept quiet”
Next he started talking about how uncaring I was and how I was supposed to know what to do to make him feel okay. I was like "What did you expect me to do? You weren’t even talking to me. When I asked how you were feeling, you wouldn’t respond. I just assumed you wanted to be left alone"

I don’t even know how it happened but next thing, he was screaming at me“Stop it aphro, just stop it! I am fed up of this attitude of yours. It doesn’t always have to be about you everytime"….I was shocked at his outburst. This wasn’t the first time he was making that statement about it being all about me always.
“All about me? You keep saying this everytime when it is really you who makes it all about you everytime…” I tried to stop the tears but they were already flowing. When he saw I was crying, he reached for my hands and stroked them while I cried on in silence. I finally pulled myself together and said quietly “I should be going”. He nodded and I got down from the car. No goodbyes, no kisses, nothing.
Maybe I shouldn’t have left that way but I felt hurt at what he had said. There I was trying to reach out to him, if possible bear some of his pain and he wasn’t responding to me. Maybe I shouldn’t have given up easily, maybe I should have tried another approach to make him feel better but one thing I know is I never make it all about me like he said.

Later when I had calmed down, I sent him a text.
“Hope you got home safe. Sorry for this evening. I really wished I could do some thing to lessen ur pain but sadly I couldn’t be for you what you wanted. I want ur happiness always but I may not be the girl for you. Loved meeting ur mum anyway, she is cool. Good night”

His reply didn’t come until after I had slept. I saw his missed calls and text the next morning.
“Nice touch about you not being the girl for me. It’s very amusing especially after just meeting my mum. Trying to tell me something?”

Later that Monday he called on the phone. Our conversation went something like this:
O: How are you? Haven’t you been seeing my missed calls?
Me: I have…
O: So? You couldn’t call back or what?
Me: I didn’t have credit(Lie)
O: Okay. So what did you mean by you not been the girl for me?
Me: Just what I meant. That maybe we are not meant for each other. I have never been a quarrelling person but with you, its almost as if we are always quarrelling over the littlest things
O: Oh yea? You know what Aphro? If that’s the way you see it, then do what you want.
The line went dead. He dropped the phone.
I couldn’t believe it. Did he just drop the phone on me? I wanted him to apologise for making me cry yesterday and here he was dropping the phone on me. I made up my mind, I wasn’t going to call him. If that’s the way the relationship would end, then so be it.

Meeeen, this has got to be my longest post ever!

To wrap up this gist, he didn’t call back. I didn’t call him too so the rest of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday was spent with me wallowing in depression, resisting the temptation to call him and wishing he would call. I had to drag myself out on Wednesday to go see a movie although it wasn’t fun without him. I even sent him a text to wish him a happy independence day which he didn’t reply.

Thursday morning, I finally called him. I was upset he hadn’t bothered to check on me or even reply my text. He couldn’t give any excuse and apologized for not replying or calling. Later he sent me a text:
“Happy Independence day my love. This text is dated 01/10/08”

Can you believe this guy?!!!

Maybe I should just forget about this whole love business and settle with B.G, K or Bobo Nice.

The stress is too much!

Ur opinion guys?