STATUS REPORT

Woah! It’s been a while o. How una dey? I deliberately avoided blogville these past few days cos a lot has been on my desk and y’all know how distracting this place can be. Once you click, you can’t stop,lol…

I have been well o. Never knew I had so much emotional strength in me. Been holding on, even tho I must admit it’s been very tough for me. I havn’t called O since our last encounter. He called once tho, I think on Saturday morning. He didn’t say anything new anyway. Talked about how he loved me but needs to put certain things in place first(things like getting his place o) before talking about marriage. I told him that I understood very well that he wasn’t psychologically ready for marriage. He said No, that it was more like physically ready not psychologically ready. Anyway after that brief conversation over the phone, he hasn’t called again till now and today is what? Wednesday! He sent a text yesterday evening tho :“To say I miss you is a huge understatement. This has been one of the most difficult periods for me, being away from you. I believe things will still work out for us”
Na wa for this guy o. His actions does not convey what he is saying. Na im sabi joo! I don’t intend to reply him anyway but if I say that my feelings for him are dead then I would be lying. I don’t know if I’ll be able to be all mean and cold if I see him face to face,lol…



So on to other tory…

I may just have chased X away for good o…

Okay, thing is that I have been a bit blue of late cos of O’s issues and all and somehow too, I have also been venting my frustrations on X. Not that I have said anything o but my actions have said it all.


X’s mum has been in his place for close to two months now. She came visiting from the East. X actually informed me the day she arrived that his mum was round and that he would love for me to visit and meet her cos she has been asking of me and all(yea, he’s told her about me. His popsie is late). I agreed that I was going to come see her but truth is I never had plans to. I just didn’t want to argue with him but two months down the line and she preparing to leave back to the east. The pressure from X to see her mounted.

Last week, X had told me that she was leaving on Sunday(last Sunday) and I promised to come by on Saturday. Friday evening he called to confirm if I was still coming the next day. I was in a foul mood(mourning my relationship with O) and wasn’t in the mood to see X so I lied that I was going to the market to shop for the house and I wouldn’t be able to make it. Maybe at a corner of my mind, was the hope that O would call and ask that we see that Saturday and talk things over so I wanted to leave the day free for him. Maybe, I said o!lol…

Anyway, I didn’t go to see X’s mum and she left. Monday evening, when he closed for the day, X dropped into my office. I must confess again, I was a bit cold towards him. He sat for a while and when he saw I wasn’t talking to him. He got up and said he was leaving. I just nodded my head, like I didn’t care. Since that Monday, he hasn’t called or dropped by again. Not sure I miss him tho but I definitely miss the attention ;)



Ehen, I told you guys, I talked to Bobo Nice abi?
That was like two weeks ago.

So I had called Bobo Nice like a week before that day, after I received that call from SL(Strange lady). I was really upset with him for giving her my number to call and plead with me to marry him. He was shocked when he learnt that she had called me cos according to him he didn’t give her my number or ask her to call. What happened was that, she had visited him and was going through his phone when she saw my name and asked him who I was. He had told her about me. How he loved me but I wasn’t reciprocating and all. She told him that she could call and talk to me for him but he said he didn’t want that cos he knew I wouldn’t like it. He didn’t know she copied my number all the same and called.
I believed him sha. Bobo nice wasn’t the type to lie about something like that but when he said he was going to call S.L and berate her for what she did. I told him not to and that he should just it go cos I felt she did what she did in good spirit and felt she was being a good friend. He finally agreed to forget about it after which I told him that we needed to sit down and talk about the issue. He said okay and we agreed to meet the following weekend.

That Saturday, we met up at a pizza place and in between munching pizza and coke. I told him about O and how I felt about him. He already knew about X and he knew also when we broke up but I told him that X was staging a comeback and that I was considering him since things may not work out with O cos of his tribe and my folks. He felt really bad cos I wasn’t even considering him but I told him that I loved him as a friend and I didn’t have any romantic feelings towards him. I encouraged him to give other girls a chance and see where it leads to. We talked for very long o! At the end of it all sha, when we hugged and said our goodbyes, I felt kinda relieved and even though I knew he had been hurt, I was sure he realized It was all for the best. We promised to keep in touch with each other and agreed that nothing stopped us from hanging out once in a while.

So that’s the latest with Bobo nice.



Then B.G…

Kai! I have never met a more unrelenting guy in my whole entire life, I swear.
Even though I broke up with him when I started seeing O. He has never stopped hoping that we would still come back together.
These days, he sends me text messages at least four times a day. One in the morning asking how my night was. One in the afternoon, asking how my day is going, another one late evening asking if I got home okay. Then one last one at night, wishing me a good night’s rest. Besides, he still calls at least once in the day just to hear my voice, he says,lol…Na wa for this thing called love o! Why can’t one love a person that loves him/her equally? Things would be lots easier that way or don’t you guys think so?

Then again recently, B.G seems to have gotten it into his head that somehow he was responsible for our break-up. I have tried to reassure him several times that he wasn’t the cause. I met somebody else, fell in love and that was it! Although when I think about it more deeply, it was probably something that I found lacking in B.G and which O had that attracted me to him in the first place.

For instance, I like my man to dress sharp and smell nice. B.G is kinda like a sloppy dresser. When I met him, he was much worse but I tried to get him to pay more attention to his looks. I must give it to him that he tried to change a bit but then he still didn’t get to the level I wanted. I so hate a man wearing torn, ‘It was white’ singlets and jeans with dirty hems that looked like they hadn’t been washed in ages. B.G was like that. O on the other hand sure knows how to pull it off. Even when he is dressed in a Tee and jeans, he still looks & smells edible,lol…same goes for X too. He is also a good dresser.


Then again, just before i broke up with B.G, I had reason to travel to his place(as in his villa) cos of his mum's burial. Meen, what i saw enhhh! I didn't like at all. The way they lived in their place. One compound with a lot of extended families. To me, that is the perfect recipe for plenty wahala cos one doesn't even have his/her own privacy. My mother's father's compound was like that and i know all the troubles and diabolical activities that went down before my grandpa had to ask his brother's and their families to find their squareroot,lol...

I talked to B.G about it and his response sealed my mind for me. He didn't see anything bad with it. In fact he even preferred the whole 'Communal living' style. Na so i pack my kaya, pick race,lol...


So on that note, maybe somehow he (B.G) was partly responsible for me breaking up with him. Now he is begging me to give him another chance, I am very reluctant cos you all know what they say about adults. “It is hard to learn how to use the left hand when you are grown up”. That's an Ibo adage which means that it is hard to change an adult cost they are already set in their ways so it’s either I accept B.G the way he is or forget about him totally cos trying to change him may not be possible.

I know I promised to yarn about doctor but pls guys, lets leave that for the next post. I am trying to make my posts short these days, lol…as if this one never long pass river Nile sef.

Am out abeg, we go dey see for yonder…

The talk.

I didn’t wait too long before O calls to say he was outside my house. I quickly freshen up and rush outside to meet him. We walk to our usual spot at the end of my close. No one is around cos it’s late and everyone is in the comfort of their homes so we have all the privacy we need.
I have this serious look on my face which he notices and tries to get me to loosen up. “Ha, aphro why the strong face now? Looosen up now…oya give me a smile, smileee now…”
I try to smile but I know it isn’t convincing cos the smile feels fake even to me. He shrugs and goes “Okay so what is this thing we need to talk about”.

I can’t recount what I said to him word for word but I can summarize it.
So I tell him how I feel he hasn’t been showing enough commitment in our relationship cos If I don’t call, he won’t call. How I feel I am the one trying to make the relationship work. How I need to know what exactly he has in mind for the relationship cos it’s been since months now and I believe a six months old baby has started crawling at least and taking solid foods so we need to establish a course for our relationship. How I felt by now he should know if I was the kind of woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and vice versa. I also tell him about my discussion with my mum and her reaction but that I needed to know what he was thinking before starting an unnecessary war with my folks.

After talking for a while, I stop and look at him to see if he is getting the message. He looks at me amused then says “Go on now, am listening…”
I reply “But I just said a lot now and I want you to respond to all I said”
Then he chuckles quietly, adjusts himself properly on the pavement floor where we are seated and speaks.
“Aphro, you know how I feel about you. You know my people love you already. My mum and brothers havn’t met you but they are always asking about you. My sister likes you…”
I cut in “That is not what am asking you. This is not about ur family but about you and me. What do you really want? I need to know”
“Aphro, I love you and I will love to marry you. How can I not want that? You are a great person and I can wake up to your face everyday for the rest of my life but I am scared. I'm scared your parents will not accept me. Look at what you just said about your mum’s reaction. I have always wanted to marry into a family that accepts and loves me and I don’t want to be a problem for you and your family. I don’t want you to hate me later on in life for putting you against your parents”
My head is bent down and I am quietly listening to him but my mind is working seriously.
He goes on.
“What happens if I come to ask for your hand and they reject me? What happens then aphro?”
I look up at him. The sadness in my heart threatening to break out as tears from my eyes but I steel myself before I begin to talk.
“I have heard all you said. Whether they accept you or not doesn’t arise now. The main issue should be is this what you and I want? If we are both sure that we want to be together then facing my parents is the next step. I am not thinking of the problems I may encounter in your family. Am not worrying If they will accept me or not or if they will change their attitude towards me later. You are not ibo but am not thinking whether I will be able to adjust to your culture or not. All that are secondary issues. The main issue is Do I want to be with this man for the rest of my life? Anyway my interpretation of all you just said to me is that you are not ready for marriage and you are just trying to use my parents as an excuse. It is okay. The last thing I will do is to marry a man who doesn’t want it as much as I do. I should have talked to you first before bringing it up with my mum. Maybe it wouldn’t have been necessary to tell her about you in the first place”

At this point, he tries to pull me into his arms as he speaks
“Aphro, is that your own interpretation of what I said? It is not true at all. Am not trying to use your parents as an excuse. All am saying is the truth. I know how you feel about me. Infact if I was in doubt before, your actions today and what you just said now has just dispelled that. You say you shouldn’t have discussed me with your mum today but I think it is a good thing. I am happy that you did. I just know that there will be problems. Your parents will see me as an intruder which I don’t want…”

I cut in.
“You know what? I am not convinced you love me enough. I will tell you something. The guy I broke up with when I met you, B.G. He wanted to marry me but I wasn’t sure I wanted that and anytime he brought up the issue, I always told him that my parents won't accept him cos he wasn’t catholic and he is not from my place. Do you know what he would say? He would say to me “Aphro, forget about ur parents. If you love and accept me, your parents will have no choice but to accept me. That is a man in love. O, that is a man in love!”

I stop at this point. There is a palpable silence. I glance sideways at him and he looks really quiet and deep in thought. I know that what I just said has touched a raw nerve. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned B.G. I know how men hate to be compared with other men and O really hates it. Anyway, I needed to stress my point and that was the best way I could do it. It may have been a wrong way but I have done it. All there was to do now was to wait for him to speak. It was a long wait but he finally did when I started sobbing silently.

“*Clearing his throat* I have heard all you said Aphro. You know I hate been compared with anybody but it’s okay. I have heard you. Maybe I was seeing things differently from the way you are seeing it. You are upset now so i don’t want us to continue this. I need to digest everything that has gone down here and you need to calm down too so maybe we should just stop talking about this now okay?”

By now, am sobbing even harder but I respond still.
“I have always dreamt that when i would get married, it would be a romantic marriage proposal where my man would go down on his knees and ask me to marry him and I would jump on him and say yes. This is not how I wanted it. I shouldn’t be the one asking you if you want to spend your life with me or not..."

He stands up and pulls me up into his arms. I hug him tightly and look up at him with tear filled eyes still speaking.
“I understand if you want to think about it... It’s okay…”
“No, It’s not that. I don’t need to think about it…I just think that emotions are high now. I love you baby, I do even if you do not believe it…”
Wiping my eyes, I glance at the clock on my mobile phone.
“You need to start going now. It’s getting really late”

We walk back towards the house in silence. At the front of my house, we stare at each other. I don’t know if he expects a good night kiss. I want to kiss him but I know the mood is not right so I turn away and walk into my gate. He also gets into his car and drives off.

That was Tuesday night.

Wednesday all day, I expected his call but he never called. Got a text from him as I was preparing to leave for home in the evening. It read-

“I have not been myself since our talk last night. I don’t wanna lose you, the mere thot of it renders me clueless as to how life would be without you-unbearable”

I didn’t reply it though...didn’t know what to say.

I am typing this post on Friday morning and till this moment he hasn’t called or sent another text. I have decided to let him be. It is hard but I won’t call or text either. Let him take all the time he needs. Marriage is an important step; I do not expect him to take it if he isn’t ready.

Just that he may not find me willing when he finally decides to.

There is still plenty gist o. I haven't told you guys I talked with Bobo Nice. Then there is B.G too who of late has been sending sweet text messages to me asking that I have a rethink about us. Aha! There is Doctor too. I have never blogged about him before. He is currently in the UK doing a course but will be back in the country sooon.

So guys, keep a date next week for more tory(Una like gist well well o,lol...)

Great weekend everyone.

The talk with B.G

Okay so I said I was going to give you all the gist of how it went with B.G and me.
Here goes…

We went out on that Easter Monday. Had lunch at some nice place and talked a little over lunch about matters generally…nothing about us as in our relationship and all. It was as if we were both scared of bringing it up and one was waiting for the other to do so. I didn’t want to spoil the lunch so I didn’t broach the topic.

Later on, on our homeward drive. I thought it was time so I blurted:
“You know we have been drifting apart these past few weeks?”
It sounded more like a statement than a question.
He turned to look at me and nodded, “Yea…and I don’t like it”
He went on to tell me how he wanted things to get better with us and how he felt it was time to take our relationship to the next level-marriage.
Whoops! I felt really awful. Here I was preparing to break it off with him while he was making plans to propose…it just didn’t feel right!
I didn’t know what to say and after thinking about the situation for a while, I had to ask him this question:
“If you are in a relationship with one person and having deep feelings for another, do you really love the person you are dating?”
He didn’t need a soothsayer to spell out the direction I was headed. He had this very sad look in his eyes as he asked “So what you are saying is that you have deep feelings for some other guy?”
I didn’t answer but my silence confirmed the question.

Anyway, not to bore you with the details, I had to tell him about O and how I felt about him. He was broken. I couldn’t help but feel terrible and guilty. I never want to feel that way ever again. I think I learnt a lesson with B.G- never again will I start a relationship with a guy who am not sure of my feelings for.
I must give it to him though, he acted very gentlemanly about every thing even saying that since he claimed to love me, he should be more concerned about my happiness and if I found this with someone else, who was he to come between me and my happiness. I could tell he was trying terribly hard to sound casual about it but it was killing him inside and it didn’t help the way I felt.

I almost toldl him I was sorry about what I said earlier and didn’t mean any of it but I knew that would be like the biggest lie and I would just be saying it just to take back the pain I was causing him and would it really help matters at the long run? It wouldn’t...so I held back.

The truth is that even if O had not arrived on the scene. The breakup was something that was bound to happen. I had long realized that I wasn’t in love and was just hanging in the relationship because first I didn’t want to hurt B.G and secondly I thought maybe I wasn’t destined to feel that rush(you know the one you feel when you are really into someone) again and maybe i was just being childish thinking I had to feel it before I take the plunge into marriage. Well, all that doubts subsided when I met O. He made me realize (not intentionally) that I could marry B.G or K or any of the guys asking for my hand and later on in the marriage meet some guy that I feel something more for and then realize that I had made the biggest mistake of my life going into the marriage. or even worse, I may begin to resent the husband I married because I’ll feel trapped in the marriage or something. Understand me guys?

So that was how our date ended. He feeling disappointed and hurt and me feeling horrible and guilty.

It’s been a week now since then and I have called him a couple of times just to see how he is doing. He is taking it really badly…he feels I betrayed him. I also feel horrible and I wonder if this thing with O is really worth all the heart ache and stress I’m causing B.G.

What do you think peeps?

Easter Runs

Hello peeps!
Hope you had a fabulous Easter celebration?
For me it was a great one well not counting the fact that I actually hurt two people this period. It wasn’t deliberate though just stuff that had to happen with the way things have been going in my love life lately.

Okay am going to start with K first.
K’s mum returned to Nigeria last Friday (Good Friday). She had been in the U.S these past few years. K had informed me like weeks back that his mum was coming back to the country and asked that I accompany him to the airport to receive her when she arrived. Knowing K as well as I do and the fact that he tells everyone he knows about me and how he wants to marry me and all that , I knew he probably had said as much or even more to his mum. I didn’t want to go with him to the airport to receive his mum cos that would be like affirming or giving the poor woman the impression that I was indeed her daughter-in-law to be so I declined going with him. He felt very bad and sad that I refused but there was nothing he could do about it, no amount of cajoling was going to make me change my mind.

Later on in the day, after Good Friday mass(we attend the same church), we went to have dinner someplace and he was almost crying as he told me how he just realized how much I hated him and all. He said the fact that refused to accompany him to the airport earlier in the day to receive his mum was indication that I didn’t have serious plans(as in marriage plans) for him which is true by the way. He practically begged me to give him a chance to love me seeing as he has been patient for more than 2 years now waiting for the day I’d agree to an intimate relationship with him. I must confess I felt really bad seeing a grown ass man like K almost groveling at my feet just for a chance to expend the contents of his heart and pocket(lol) on me. Anyway I still maintain my stand that PITY can never be the same as LOVE, right?

Really I must give it to K though. The guy has shown his love in many ways than one. I mean, there is no doubt that dude is madly in love with me but it’s so sad that its not a mutual feeling. I remember when I first met him. I was always very sick then. It was either malaria and/or typhoid fever(at least that’s what the doctors said). It got so bad that even close friends of mine were even scared I had something, probably AIDS,lol! Anyway the point is that K was with me through that period, taking me to the hospital, buying drugs and sometimes even offering to help offset my bills. I really appreciate all that he has done for me and I told him so but do I now have to marry him cos of all these?

Come Saturday, K came over to my house in the morning. He wanted us to spend the day together. He asked me to just mention anywhere I wanted and he would take me there but I wasn’t interested, I had a date with O and nothing was going to come between me and that date so I politely told him I was going to the market to do some shopping. I couldn’t tell him I had another date with someone else…that would just kill him! He then asked that I returned early form the market so we could at least spend the rest of the day together and I accepted. I just didn’t want to prolong issues, I knew there was no way I was getting home earlier than 8pm that day. O and I had made a lot of plans for the day already.

So I hung out with O. We first went to one of the private beaches. We didn’t want to do the Lekki/Alpha?Kuramo beaches. Those were always very crowded and we wanted a quiet and relaxing environment so we settled for the private beach plan. It was really fun sitting there on the beach with the cool sea breeze fanning our faces. It felt so good, I almost didn’t want it to end. We talked, played, cuddled, kissed, lol! (I’ll spare u guys the details,lol!)

Anyway, after some hours on the beach we decided to catch an evening movie on the island. It was another lovely experience. The movie was really nice but that wasn’t the high point of the experience for me. Just being there in his arms, sneaking kisses every now and then during the movie was wonderful. I ‘m sure the guys seated behind us at the cinema must have been irritated by us. It was just too obvious that we were so much into ourselves

Then there was Sunday. I had to attend a friend’s birthday party and I wanted O to come with me but K wasn’t giving me breathing space. He pleaded that he wanted to spend the day with me since he didn’t get to do so the previous day.
I finally agreed to let him take me to the party also seeing as the celebrant was also a mutual friend. The party was nice, lots to eat and drink and I had fun that is if you don’t include the part where K would tell anyone(as soon as he found they were my friend) how much in love he was with me and how I didn’t want to reciprocate his love. The guy almost began to annoy me; I couldn’t understand why he found joy in broadcasting his feelings to anyone who cared to listen at the party.

Monday I had a date with Big Guy.
I haven’t mentioned Big Guy before now.
You see, Big Guy or B.G for short is kinda like my boyfriend that is until I met O.
Now don’t get all confused. Let me explain.
I am not dating K, he is more like a family friend.
I had a boyfriend but we broke up last year due to irreconcilable differences.
B.G was my friend but he had never hidden his interest to take our friendship further so when I broke up with Ex, we decided to try a shot at something more intimate but I realized soon after we started dating that I wasn’t ‘in love’ with him and most likely will never be. I think he knew how I felt. I never hid the fact that I wasn’t feeling that excitement with him but he felt that it would grow with time. However, I realized that one day I may discover I had stronger feelings for someone else(like I do with O now) and the relationship with B.G would have to end but i prayed that my feelings for B.G would grow deeper and I wouldn’t have to break his heart. He is a good guy and really cared about me and I would hate to hurt him.

Now with O on the scene, my fears are coming to pass. I haven’t been calling B.G as I used to(I used to call him during happy hours before), For the past one month we hadn’t seen each other and I haven’t even being bothered about it. He had noticed that my interest in the relationship was on the decline and was really worried about it.

I think I had been avoiding him cos I felt guilty for feeling the way I do about O.

Anyway, I agreed to the Easter Monday date, I was tired of running and I felt it was high time we talked and put our feelings in perspective,

Need I tell you how it went?
Not too good at all.
Will hit you up with the gist later. For now, I have to attend to some more pressing issues.
Take care peeps.