Tuesday, May 27, 2008

No more pushing things abeg!

One whole week since I last posted, phew! Am sure you guys can’t wait to hear the latest happenings in my love life. I can’t wait to spill the gist too but before I start, I’ll like to thank everyone who dropped a comment on my last post. Am so grateful to you all. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing there are people out there- people you have never met before who care as much as to give advice, a listening ear or a warm hug(even if its virtual). You guys are super cool.

Okay to my today’s gist.

You all know how I was confused last week cos it was like I was stuck in the middle of O and X and I had to make a decision on who to be with. Two bloggers comments on my last post gave me an insight as to how to progress with my situation. One was soupasexys’ where she advised me to just let things flow, play the two guys and see who makes it in the end. The other was naijachickito who felt that it wasn’t a do/die affair and I needed to take things easy and focus on being myself and have fun cos i may not end up with either guy at the end of the day.

I decided that I was going to just let things be. No pushing things. No worrying if O really loves me or not. No answers for X yet but I won't push him away like I was doing initially. I’ll just wait things out at least until am sure it was time to make a move.

So I chilled. I didn’t call any of them, neither O nor X. I just chilled and found other stuffs to amuse myself with. Even when the weekend came, I didn’t call O to find out if we were hooking up. I felt like if he wanted to see me, he would initiate the move, ask me for a date and all.
He called me on Saturday morning to say his bank was having some training that day and though he would have loved to spend the day with me, he couldn’t. Surprisingly, I took it calmly. I told myself not to feel bad and I called a couple of friends and we arranged to hang out on the island.

Thankfully, X didn’t call. I had promised to give him the answer to his question on Saturday and since I didn’t have any answer for him, my plan was to avoid him all weekend.

Sunday came, still no word from O as to whether we were seeing or something. I didn’t call either. Later on, in the afternoon he sent me a text saying how special I was to him and all that lovey dovey ish. Me I was getting fed up with his talk talk and no action so I just read the text and didn’t bother to reply it.

The rest of Sunday looked boring for me until I remembered Bobo Nice. He had called me during the last week to ask that we hang out during the weekend and I had promised to call him if I was free.

A brief background on Bobo Nice.

I met Bobo Nice in camp four years ago during my NYSC and since then we’ve been good friends. We hang out once in a while and he has never hidden the fact that he wants more than friendship with me. When we first met I was in a relationship so dating him was out of the question. A year later, I broke up with the guy I was dating then and Bobo Nice cashed into the opportunity to ask me for a more intimate relationship. I said No because I couldn’t imagine having a love relationship with him. He was my friend and that was it. I told him how I felt then and I thought he understood where I was coming from but last year, after one of our dates, he had told me how he loved me so much and how he wanted to settle down and had prayed about it and how he believed I was the woman for him and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and have me bear his kids.

Meeen, I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. He asked that I think about it and he didn’t want me to give him an answer immediately so I promised that I would but sincerely my peeps, I have thought about it a lot and though Bobo Nice is a great guy, very reserved and God fearing, not into women(he had confessed to me that for three years now, he hadn’t been with a woman not because he didn’t have urges but because he had promised God that the next woman he would be with would be his wife), he has a great job and a promising career. The truth remains that I am not sexually attracted to him. Don’t get me wrong, am not a sex freak but I believe that I need to sexually desire a man I intend to marry, correct me if am wrong abeg my friends but that’s how I feel.

Bobo Nice is not bad looking, infact some people may even call him handsome but when I look at him, I can’t picture myself in his arms or kissing him or making love to him. I just see him as my friend and nothing more. My heart doesn’t do a flip when he looks at me like it does for O. Anyway, I think that’s enough background on Bobo Nice already.

So that Sunday afternoon, I called Bobo Nice. I needed to get my mind off O and try to have fun. Fortunately, Bobo Nice was in my area so we met up at a bar for some drinks. The music at the bar was nice and I had fun. It was a welcome distraction for me and I enjoyed myself.

Later as I was saying goodnight to Bobo Nice. He brought up the marriage issue again and told me that he had been praying about it seriously and it was revealed to him in a dream that there were three men who were strong contenders in my mind and I was confused as to who to choose among them. I told him that his dream was wrong cos they were more than 3 guys asking for my hand in marriage. He insisted that they may be more than 3 but the dream revealed that three of them were at the forefront. If I tell you guys, I wasn’t shocked, I’d be lying but I tried to cover up my shock and laughed at his dream. When he left, I thought more about what he had told me. Who were these 3 guys? There was O, X, K, B.G and Bobo Nice. Now that was 5 abi? Anyway dreams can be funny at times

Later, Sunday night O called to apologise for not seeing me all weekend. He said he had to go to the office too on Sunday. I told him I was getting used to his excuses now and it didn’t bother me too much anymore. He kept apologizing and said he had a surprise for me-something I would love very much. I wasn’t excited at all and i just told him, I’ll wait and see what it was.

Monday afternoon, X showed up in my office. He had been out of Lagos on an official assignment and just returned which was why i didnt hear from him all weekend.
He asked me out to lunch and I accepted. I was dreading the moment when he would ask me for an answer to his last week question but thank God, he didn’t even bring up the subject. We had a pleasant lunch and later in the evening after close of work, he dropped me off at home. As I was getting out of his car, he made to kiss me on the lips but I turned my cheek. Men! They don’t waste any time. For now, a peck is as far as I’ll let him go.

There, that’s a recap of all that’s been happening. I’ll be back with some more gists soon. Feel free to leave your comments without bias. I love reading them.



Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Stuck in the middle of O and X

So I have been gone for a while. Am sorry guys but duty called and blogging does not put food on my table:), a girl's gat to work for her pay, right?

Anyway, lots have been happening o, I don’t even know where to start from. I must warn you all at this point that this post promises to be a long one o! So grab a snack, sit back and relax as I nack una tory,lol…

Those that have been following my gist know who O and Mr. X are. For those who don’t know, O is my current bobo while Mr. X as his name sounds is my ex-boyfriend.

Some weeks back, I blogged about how Mr. X was staging a serious comeback into my life and proposing marriage.
Well I ‘ll take my gist back to weeks back too. Mr. X had called me that evening to say he was at my house gate and I should come and open the gate for him. I had told him to stop visiting my home so I don’t send the wrong signals to my folks. Knowing my mum, it wont be long before she started asking if we were back together and i was yet to bring O home cos I didn’t know what their reaction would be since he wasn’t Ibo.

So that evening when X came calling, I was in a sour mood. I had been expecting O’s call all day to no avail so I was kinda pissed before X called to say he was at my gate. He wasn’t the one I wanted to see so I snappily told him that he had come at the wrong time and I was sleeping. He wasn’t going to go back so easily without seeing me so he kept pleading that I come down even for 5 mins so he could see my face. I was getting really annoyed at his insistence and when he said “Please honey, just come down so I can give you a kiss before before I leave”, I couldn’t help retorting Kiss? I have told you to stop deceiving urself, I am not ur girlfriend so stop acting like I am, if you insist on carrying in this way, I’ll have to stop answering ur calls. I am sleeping so just go!”.
I said some more rude stuff to him so I wasn’t surprised when his tone grew angry and he told me that he didn’t like the way I talked to him. He was being nice and caring to me while I always treated him like shit. He was saying “Aphrodite, what do you mean by you will stop taking my calls, you have to mind the things you say to me…” I didn’t wait to listen to the rest of his tirade, I ended the call. Rude… I know…I wanted to be rude.

A while later when i thought about what had happened, I felt remorse at the attitude I had given him and all because of O who didn’t even call me much less visiting. I felt like calling him-X to apologize but I decided to leave things till the following day.

I didn’t call the next day. Two days later, I called him. I thought he was probably still mad at our exchange the last time so I was surprised when I called and he sounded really calm and sweet like nothing happened. He even told me he had wanted to visit me at work that day but couldn’t because of work pressure at his office. When I said I was sorry about how I dropped the phone on him during our last conversation, he quickly accepted my apologies and said that it was okay. He obviously didn’t expect that I would call to apologise so it had come as a surprise to him. Before we ended the conversation, he told me he wasn’t feeling very well and wanted to go to the hospital the next day.

Fast forward to days later, X hadn’t called me unlike him so I called to find out if he was okay.(Guys, I remembered ur advice on how I should not close the door totally on X till I was sure of things with O). It turned out that since the last time we spoke, his sickness had gotten worse and he hadn’t even been going to work. Well, I kept calling each day to check up on him but I realised that he was getting the impression that my calls meant that I had accepted him back into my life cos he kept saying things like- “Come down to the house and prepare Ukwa(an ibo delicacy) for me” or “I was expecting that you would visit after work today”.
He was ill and I didn’t want us to get into any argument so I always replied that I was very busy in the office and couldn’t come.

Meanwhile things with O were going on well although I was feeling that he wasn’t paying me enough attention. He wasn’t calling as often as I would have liked and when I complained that I was feeling neglected, he always apologised and explained that he was caught up with stuff at the office. It was during that period, I wrote my previous post on how I needed some reassurance that he really cared about me the way I did for him.

This gist is getting too long sha. I better get to summarizing sharpish.

Last weekend, I didn’t see O. He had to work Saturday(told you guys some time ago that he is a banker). He had promised to see me after his work that day only to call back and tell me that his car had developed a problem and he wouldn’t be able to make it down as agreed. I told him it was okay although I really wanted to see him. I had even made a new hairdo that day and wanted him to see it. Too bad.

Sunday came and O called to say his car was still bad. Something about overheating and a leaking radiator. He couldn’t drive it until his mechanic had a look at it which wouldn’t be until Monday. I resigned myself to not seeing him again and went out to visit my cousin who had just given birth to a baby girl.

When I returned, X called to say he was around my neighbourhood and wanted to see me. I told him to wait outside my house and went down to meet him. We took a walk down to this cool spot where we used to go in the old days when we were still an item. Then we would go there, sit on the huge stones and gist for long periods.
So that Sunday evening, we went there. It was the first time we would be going there since our break-up more than a year ago. I felt we needed to talk. He needed to understand that my show of concern during his illness was just that-a show of concern from a friend- and didn’t signify that we were back together or that I had broken off my relationship with O although he had never accepted the fact that I was in a relationship anyway.

So I brought up the issue. I told him not to misinterpret my actions during his illness. He laughed as if I had said the funniest thing in the world. He said I was his and that no man could take me away from him. He insisted I wasn’t dating anyone and was only telling him that to make him jealous. Even after showing him some of O’s text messages on my phone, he still refused to acknowledge him. We talked for hours, him pleading that we should start afresh and me insisting I couldn’t just end my relationship with my boyfriend cos he asked it.
I asked him “Why didn’t you just stay out of my life? Why did you have to come back and make things complicated for me?”
I wasn’t prepared for his reply. “Seriously now, do you really want me to leave you? Should I stop coming around you and just forget you?”
Meeen…this was the point where I needed to stamp my foot on the ground and say a very solid YES! But guess what people, I was tongue tied. I didn’t know what to say. His question was very serious and he sounded very final about it like if I just say yes, he would leave and never bother me again. I wasn’t too sure if that was what I really wanted anymore. These past weeks, he had been really loving, bringing back memories of how good we were together. Unlike O, he really showers me with attention the way I like not to forget that he is Ibo and catholic like me. My folks like him and am not sure if they would accept O.
All these were thoughts racing through my mind as I sat there. He was looking at me, waiting for an answer to his question then he asked again. “Do you want me to leave you alone? If that’s what you want, then I will cos I don’t want you mentioning another guy again after today”
I looked into his face and I knew he meant every word he was saying.
“Can I give you an answer when next we see?”
“No, i need an answer now”
“I said I’ll give you an answer when next we see”
“And when will that be? Tomorrow?”
“No not tomorrow…next Saturday, I’ll definitely have an answer for you by then”

That’s it friends. I still haven’t decided what to do next. I have two options before me.
One, accept X back and leave O or Two, tell X to go to hell and stick with O.

I should also add that yesterday-Monday, O surprised me by showing up very early in my office. He said he had some official errand to run in the area and wanted to use that opportunity to see me since he had missed me so much. I was very happy. It’s the little things like that bring the smile to my face. Later on in the day, I was chatting with O online and brought up the issue of my ex. I told him X wanted us to get back together and I needed to know exactly how he felt about me cos sometimes I am not so sure if his feelings for me are really strong and not just some fickle infatuation cos i've got a pretty face and a nice body.
I wanted to hear him say how much he loved me and how it would break his heart if I left him for some other guy and how he would give me more attention from now on.
He didn’t say any of that. Instead he asked me what I wanted to do. His question was: “So do you want to go back with ur ex?” I replied “No but I need to know that you will be there for me always”.
His reply was that he was the one who wasnt sure of me and my feelings for him.
Later that night, he sent me a text message that read- “I feel like I have already lost you”.

Guys I have to stop here now cos if una leave me I go just dey yarn dey go.
I need your sincere advice everyone.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

When you are in love…
You want to be with that person,
Talk to him all the time
Hear him say all the sweet nothings to you
Give all you got to make him happy
Cup his chin, plant your lips on his and kiss him till God’s kingdom comes (lol)
You want to wrap your arms around him in public and let the world know that he is yours.

I want to do all the above and more with O
So can I say am in love ?

Thing is, I get confused at times.

Like, am I really sure what I feel is Love?
Am I crazy about him cos of his height?
Or his huge biceps and the fact that he can lift me up effortlessly?
Or cos of his sweet shy smile?
Or the way he calls my name that makes my heart beat faster?

How do I know am not just infatuated?
And that this feeling I feel for him will not fade away soon?

How can I be sure he truly loves me?
And will never let me down…
leave me or break my heart?

Sometimes I wonder if he really cares.
If he sincerely means what his mouth professes.

I am scared cos I don’t want to end up heart broken.
So I hold on…
I hold on to a part of my heart
Not fully letting go
Vulnerability is not my style
I hate the feeling of helplessness I feel sometimes
The feeling that someone’s got a hold over your emotions
And can make you very happy
And extremely sad at the same time.

I think about him every idle moment
And can’t help but wonder if he thinks about me too
Or only does so when am around him
And when am not, does he conveniently leaves me out of his mind?

A girl needs some reassurance…
I need to be assured.



I was tagged to do this post by uzezi, jarrai and simplegal.

I love to sleep especially when am depressed. Somehow things seem better when I wake up.

Unlike other people who probably take their bath before retiring for the night, I prefer to sleep than wake up in the middle of the night like 1am to take my bath before going back to bed for the second round of sleep

I collect odd things like nylon bags, empty tins, used bottles and other funny stuff. My mum thinks it’s crazy, maybe it is.

I am most comfortable in my underwear. When I come back home, the first thing I do is to undress. Nothing makes me happier than lounging in my panties and bra.

I love to think in the bathroom. When I have something very serious to figure out, I find it easier to do while bathing. Maybe the water pouring down my head helps me think more clearly

I love eating at odd times, like waking up in the middle of the night for some cereal or biscuits. I know its really bad and am trying to stop.’

That’s it…Six finally!

I tag anyone who wants to be tagged.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Tumbo, Tumbo

I am still here. I haven’t relocated to Mars yet or is it Venus since am the girl in search of love, that should be the planet for me…don’t you think? lol.

Anyway, it’s been a while. I have been caught up in los of stuffs but I just had to find the time to update my blog. This blogging thing is not as easy as I thought initially but don’t worry guys, I aint giving up yet.

So O and I are still cool just that recently am discovering each day that if I have to pitch my tent with him for life, I have to be ready to accept the fact that I won’t be getting pampered the way I like. With O, I am the one that has to do the pampering. He always needs some sort of reassurance that I truly care for him. I have told him to stop being insecure but I don’t blame him too much, dude knows that there are lots of other guys hanging around and ready to take over his position if he f…ks up.

I care about him. I am sure of that but I also know I want a man who will dote on me and worry himself to death if I even as much as have the slightest of headaches. That’s K for you but unfortunately I don’t love K like he does me. Too bad.

Talking about Mr. X. He has really been outdoing himself these days. Calling regularly to check up on me, bringing me lunch at work (remember I told you his office is opposite mine) and some other loving stuffs. He says he is not giving up till I forget what happened and give him another chance.

Now to what happened that led to our breakup…I have shared this with my mum and a few close friends and most of them believe that what happened wasn’t enough for me to break up with X.
Actually, what happened is this-I had found out he had something with this other girl. He denied it but I found out that he was lying to me. I called the girl under the guise of being X’s sister and she opened up to me. When I confronted X with my discovery, he insisted that she wasn’t anything serious but then I didn’t trust him anymore so I ended the relationship. I must say this, I am a very jealous lover. I cant stand to share my man with anybody. If I am being faithful to you, I demand that same loyalty from you, finito.

A few days ago, I was discussing X’s comeback with an older male friend of mine and he said to me that sometimes people lie to those they love because they are either scared of hurting them or losing them. He went on to tell me that X may have lied about what happened then cos he was scared of how I would react.
Anyway, the long and short of the matter here is that most peole I have talked to believe that X is a perfect match for me-he is catholic, Ibo and loves me- three necessary criteria for my parent’s approval. Unfortunately O is not catholic, he is from Edo (although he can be said to be part-ibo cos his mum is Ibo) and I feel he loves me but I still see my folks giving me a hard time over him.

More gists o…

I spoke to O’s mum over the phone. We were talking; O and I when he suddenly told me that someone wanted to speak to me. I didn’t expect that it would be his mother. She sounded very nice and warm, said she had heard a lot about me, asked about my family and told me that her younger sister’s husband was from my place. Before she dropped the line she said I should take care of O very well. I replied that it was his duty to take care of me to which her response was that she was sure he was already doing that.
I don’t know but her saying that to me seems like she really approves of the relationship between me and her son or what do you think guys?

And O told me that she wants to meet me.

I don’t know if I should meet her. Isn’t it too early especially with this new developments with X?

Something very funny happened recently.
My mum called me and expressed her concerns over the fact that I haven’t ‘brought the man home finally’. She felt that I was getting confused so she had come up with this brilliant idea (according to her). I was supposed to give her the names of all the guys proposing to me which I did. She wrote out their names on little pieces of paper and folded them then she asked me to pick one of the tiny folded pieces of paper.
It was ridiculous, you know picking my husband out like that, but I went ahead with it just to humour her.
Guess what…I picked Mr. X’s name!
My mum happily announced prophetically to me that X was my destined husband and the sooner I realized it the better.
I don’t agree with the way she went about it-the inny minny maany mo style(tumbo, tumbo) and I’ll like to know what you all think.
That’s it for now guys.

Will do my blog rounds now.