I logged into my blog this morning to find a whole lot of comments.
Thanks peeps. I know you all got my back but somehow it seems as if my last post generated a lot of furore.
Apparently ‘Submission’ is a very controversial/sensitive issue for many people/couples.
After reading all your opinions, I think its only fair to voice out exactly what I feel about a woman submitting to her husband/boyfriend in a relationship.
I believe it’s not just plain this & that or black and white.
One has to apply a lot of wisdom and caution to matters of the heart. I also agree with princesa that there can’t be two captains in a ship. One person has to defer to the other.
The bible tells us that it’s the woman’s duty to defer to her husband but who says a woman can’t steer the ship for, instance? Some times a man out of LOVE can decide to let his wife/girlfriend’s decision prevail. It doesn’t mean he has let go of his position as the head of the home. It only means that he is mature enough to know that they are in the ship together and have equal stakes as individuals.
I think it all boils down to the big word-LOVE. If a man loves his wife thoroughly, submission won’t be an issue cos it will come naturally to the woman. It’s simple!
That's just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. Check out this blog too. She has something interesting to say on the issue of submission between couples.
FFF, you wanted to write about this issue too. Go ahead dear as long as no names are mentioned.
Moving on, I want to apologise for just hitting you guys with that previous post without giving you some background gist first which was why Laughter was asking if I was the one who initiated the meeting with O’s mum.
Anyway, I have decided to put up this post that I had typed before the last one. I wasn’t able to post it then and somehow, events just overtook each other.
I must warn you tho, it’s in my usual fashion, very looooong! lol…You might want to grab some popcorn and coke first ;) Oh well, just read on.
I look forward to reading ur comments meanwhile I’ll be at ur spots sooner that you know…
THE POST THAT SHOULD HAVE COME BEFORE
I’m sorry if it seemed as if I had gone AWOL on you all.
First of all, let me say a very big Happy New year to everyone.
Hmmmmmphhh…*catching back my breath*
May 2009 be a year of fulfillment for all of us, Amen.
A lot’s been happening to me just that I haven’t had time to blog for a while. Been busy rounding up 2008, work and all…
Now I have a lil’ bit time, I guess I’ll just update you all on the happenings.
No I haven’t found a new love yet although there have been prospects just that they weren’t my type.
One of them was a cousin of a friend who is based in the U.S but returned to the country for the Xmas hols. I had gone to visit this friend on Xmas day, okay it was more like I had gone to eat Xmas rice at her place,lol…I hadn’t bothered to cook cos I was home alone(everyone had traveled to the Village for Xmas) and my friend had invited me to have lunch at hers so off I went.
Got there, ate and was busy chatting with her when this cousin of hers walked into the sitting room.
Her younger sister exclaimed:
“Aha! Aphro, have you met my fine cousin?”
I turned to look at the new comer.
He was fine all right but not my type of fine. For one, he was too light and looked like he used bleaching creams. That was number one minus. I didn’t want to be dragging cream in the house with my man,lol…don’t mind me ;)
I passed by him in the hallway as I was leaving their house and said goodbye but dude pulled me back and started asking for my details(name & number). I didn’t like the way he went about it but I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of my friend so I acquiesced and gave him the info he sought. His approach was number 2 minus for him tho.
Now, he is back in the U.S and has called me twice already but I don’t see any potential hook-up with him sha.
Maybe I’m still hung on O.
Scratch that, I am still hung up on him.
Yea, I know some of you might want to give me a slap right now,lol….
But the truth is that I still love him too much for my own good.
The temptation to call him has been really strong since this new year especially after my visit to Uncle E’s place on the 1st.
I had gone to visit Uncle E after I saw him at a family function and he had insisted I come by. He was alone with his wife at home when I went. All his kids were grown up now and were either married or on their own.
We had a nice time, gisting and all…Uncle E had always been fun to hang with. He has this very youthful disposition to life and always refers to himself as a ‘small boy’,lol…
His wife is also very warm so I was enjoying my time with them until talk about ‘O’ came up.
Remember his wife is O’s aunt. Refer to this post here.
So somehow the talk drifted to O. I think it was when uncle started complaining about his youngest son who worked in a bank and how he never had time for himself cos he was always working. He had even worked on Xmas day!
Then he said “It’s the same thing O’s mum is complaining about him. He is always working even on weekends, It’s too bad what these banks are doing to our young ones”
I agreed with him but also remarked that in O’s case, I seriously doubt if it was only the bank job that was keeping him busy.
Uncle laughed and retorted “What else then? Okay and you too!” His wife joined in the laughter. I had to defend myself. “Me? Noooo! He hardly even has time for me. In fact to tell you guys the truth we are no more together”
Of course, they were curious to know the whole story so I had to tell them. His aunt(uncle E’s wife) kept insisting that there was no other girl and it was his work at the bank that was keeping him always busy. Uncle was of the opinion that he wouldn’t vouch for him cos he was a young man and anything was possible.
Uncle E’s wife also mentioned that she had spoken to him a few days back and enquired about me. According to her he didn’t say anything to suggest that we had broken up. I only replied that maybe he didn’t want them to know.
They however said they were going to call him to hear his own side of the matter despite my insisting that it wasn’t necessary and I didn’t want him (O) to feel as if I came to report to them so that they could talk to him.
Later that same evening, when I was at home. Guess who called?
She had called to wish me a happy new year and then she asked the question again:
“What is happening, why haven’t we been seeing you?”
I tried to dodge the question by saying it was nothing.
Then she said “I want to see you. Can you come by the house sometime?”
I answered “Okay ma”
I have been thinking whether to go see her or not. Maybe Uncle E’s wife had talked to her. I don’t want O to start feeling important or anything like that. His ego is already big enough but I also don’t want to appear disrespectful to O’s mum.
What do u guys think?
Ehen…O and I had a long midnight conversation last night.
It all started with a text he sent that read thus:
“I’m listening to your boy Chris Brown singing our song-‘With you’ and am hearing the song in your voice. Why did you change and plunge us into this state of existence? Why Aphro?”
I didn’t quite understand him so I sent a reply:
“Me, plunge us into this state? It was you who decided you had had enough of the relationship and stayed away. I only left you alone to lick my wounds in private. Am not surprised tho, it’s always my fault when things go wrong”
“Nne m, its not like that. I have my faults too. U just don’t strike me as making enough effort to meet me halfway on issues. If I didn’t come to you, why didn’t you attempt to come to me?”
U talk about meeting you halfway when you didn’t even take a step? Maybe am old fashioned but I still believe a man should make the first move and the woman will follow”
“Remember when u would come see me on ur way out of the office. I always felt so happy seeing you. Was that old fashioned?
"That should tell you, I would do much more only if I felt that u cared for me. I stopped coming when I stopped feeling loved. U stopped caring and treated me like trash”
“It would be a Herculean task to stop caring about you, if not impossible”
I was tired of the back and forth texting so I called him. It was midnight and already ‘Free calls time’.
We talked for quite some time. Mostly about how we ended up where we were. For him, it was our regular quarrels over silly stuffs that made him stay away. I still held my opinion that if he loved me he wouldn’t give up on the relationship but try to work things out.
I cant really recall all we talked about that night but I remember getting pissed at some things he said. Like when he said:
“Aphro, if we come back together, I’m going to have to be hard on you. I think I spoilt you and let you get away with some things. You are stubborn and I admit, I am too but we can’t keep struggling for supremacy in this relationship. It’s not possible”
I wanted to take him up on that statement but realized that things were still delicate at that point and I didn’t want to worsen the situation so I pretended I didn’t hear him.
We didn’t come to any conclusion that night cos his phone battery went dead and we couldn’t continue talking.
That was two days before the meeting at his mother’s.
Now, I don’t really know what the situation is…if we are back together or not.
We’ve been communicating but there is still a lot of underlying issues that we need to thrash.
A guy pal said to me yesterday:
“Aphro, you really love this guy so you just need to accept him the way he is and learn how to follow him so you guys won’t be having any more quarrels”
I agree I love him but does this mean I have to sentence myself to a life of unhappiness?
I deserve to be loved the way I want. I deserve it!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I logged into my blog this morning to find a whole lot of comments.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
So his mum called us for a meeting last Sunday.
Just me, him and her.
And she pointed out where we had both gone wrong
So we both said “I’m sorry” to each other
And promised to put the past behind us.
Obviously she loves me and wants me for a daughter-in-law
But her son’s got to love me too, innit?
She played all those childish games:
“Oya Aphro, go and sit on his laps…” “O, you go and hug her…”
And even though I found it all funny
The bitter taste of rejection and hurt lingers on in my mouth.
It’s not as easy as she made it seem
We still got a lot of issues to resolve
Like our silly quarrels over nothing
He also gave a condition…
“We can't both be captains in this relationship, Aphro. You’ve got to be the woman and let me be the man”
His mum concurred “My dear, you have to be submissive. I was too to my husband and he loved me until his death”
I agree, a woman should be submissive but do I have to lose my sense of self.
Do I have to agree to all he says even when I don’t feel like?
Can’t I even voice my own views without him thinking am trying to dominate him?
I have always had a strong personality…never been the meek type.
Why do I have to be someone else now?
I always thought, love should accept you the way you are and not try to change you.
It’s up to you, he said.
Comply or Forget me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR MY DARLINGS!