Depressed...

(Heavy sigh)Hmmph…

What do you do when the man you love so deeply doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings?

I know…

Forget him.

But why is it so hard to do?


What do you do when your every waking thought is just about this guy and he obviously isn’t sparing you any thought?

I know…

Let go and let him be.

But it just seems impossible.


What do you do when he doesn’t call, doesn’t pick up when you do, doesn’t call back and doesn’t even reply ur text messages?

I know…

Have some pride and don’t call too, he obviously doesn’t want to hear your voice which is why he hasn’t called.

But it’s taking all my will power restraining myself from calling him.


He says he cares…

But is this how to show it?

By giving me the cold shoulder?

Oh love! LOVE!!

I searched for you…

Found you…

But you don’t want to stay with me…

Don’t I deserve you?

Don’t I deserve to be happy and bask in the love of someone I desire?

If you leave me, Love…

I just might let you be and search no more.


PS: Sorry for the long silence. Just been too depressed to write anything that won’t be gloomy and I didn’t want to spread the sadness too.
I hope I can come back here soon to give you guys the real gist as usual.
Love you all.

Unexpected morning visit

Oh my God!
Guys guess who just left my office now.
O!
I was standing at the reception talking with a colleague when he walked in. My heart did a backflip, I swear. You know, it was just so unexpected like he is the last person I expected to see this morning.
I led the way to my office and thankfully, my colleague who I shared office with wasn’t around so we had all the privacy we needed.
Long and short of the tory is that. Bobo has been miserable for the past one week and doesn’t want me to give up on us easily. I told him, I had already given up and was trying to heal. He said he was going to pretend he didn’t hear that. “Trying to heal over what now?” he asked.

Anyway, he is ready to meet my folks and wants me to meet his mum but then again he still wants us to take things a bit slow. In his own words “Let’s us grow together Aphrodite”.
I asked him “O tell me the truth, do you think you are psychologically ready for marriage” and his reply was “Yes I am very ready”.
"I hope I am not pressuring you or anthing. I want my husband to be crazy about marrying me and not feel that that I pressured him into doing so"
"Babes, stop saying that now. I am crazy about you, serious!"

Me I don’t know what to do again o. I’m kinda confused. I am still very much in love with him. In fact lemme confess. He was sitting far from me o, but do you know when he left, I realized my panties were soaking wet. Kai dis my treacherous body!

He has left now. He had an official assignment outside the office and used the opportunity to drop by although he promised to come back as soon as he is through with the assignment.

The last thing he said to me before he left was “Aphrodite, I love you. I really do”.

Jesu!

O or X?

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
The truant is back!
Yes o, no be for only school na im person dey be truant o. I have given myself the title-“Ogbonge truant of Blogville”,lol…
First of all, let me apologize to those that haven’t seen me at their blogs. Really am truly sorry but you know the reason now…work! I dey try small sha to pop in once in a while but it’s not been easy I must confess. I hail those who are able to update everyday and check all the blogs cos e no easy ra ra…

Secondly, I’ll like to thank everyone who drops by to read and comment. I appreciate all of you and y’all make me look forward to coming here everytime.

Okay that done. Now to give u the latest gist.

O finally broke the silence by Monday evening. He sent a text asking how I was and all. I replied his text telling him I was doing fine and asking after his affairs too. A few minutes after I sent the text, he called. I guess he was probably waiting for the green light(my reply) lol…

We spoke at length. He apologized for blanking me out and I accepted his apologies. However, I told him I didn’t like his way of cutting me out each time we had an argument and he promised he was going to stop doing that.

So we made up.

I haven’t spoken about X for some time now and it’s not becos we haven’t been in touch. We have been seeing each other; you all know his office is just opposite mine so he comes in regularly to say hi. Then again we live in the same vicinity so he comes around to the house sometimes. I must admit that I haven’t been discouraging him. Truthfully, he has been exceptionally good to me. Really caring and all…it’s almost like we are back to the way we used to be.

Am sure peeps like Charizard and LG go don dey frown by now,lol…

Okay I confess, I have started liking X all over again o. Maybe its becos O has been acting sme-sme of late and X has been like the perfect boyfriend model. I don’t know if that’s the reason but I sha know I am liking the guy even though my likeness never reach the point wey I go dey accept im sexual advances,lol…

Sometime last week, X was in my house and my folks had all gone out. We were watching TV together when small time bobo come begin to dey rub my body and come dey try to kiss me. I put on this fierce face and told him to “Stop... I don’t want!” Then I moved over to another couch. The bobo didn’t like it but wetin im go do? True am feeling him but not to that level yet. Man must tread cautiously abeg and O still dey there sef.

Anyway some times when we are together and O calls. I see the look X gives me but I sha ignore him. Once, I got a text from O and as I was reading it, I forgot X was there and I was smiling this goofy smile. When I finish reading and looked up, X was looking at me with a funny look on his face. I asked him “What?” and he said “That was a guy’s text that is making you smile abi?” I didn’t reply.

Then I asked him a question.

“Are we back together, what are we really doing?”
He says. “Yes we are back together babe”
Am like, “How did that happen…you do remember I told you there was someone in my life?”
He goes. “Yes I do and now you mention it, we need to talk about it. I noticed you have been receiving phone calls from some guy and text messages too. I know you’ve said it before but I didn’t believe you. Now I want to hear it from you again. Do you have another guy?”
I look at his face and see the seriousness. “Yes I do, am seeing another guy”
He looks like he had just been slapped and I noticed he tries to pull himself together and give me that macho attitude that guys give.
“Okay so now we need to get this settled finally. You have been with me and now you are with this guy. I want you back, in fact I want to marry you but I don’t want to be the second guy in your life. It’s either me or that guy. I want you to choose now so we can sort this once and for all”

The last time this came up between X and I , I somehow got out of it, now this is looking really tight!

Most of you probbably think i should tell X off and stick with O but It's not that easy. I couldn't! At that point when X asked me to choose, I realized that I still feel something for him a lot of things flashed through my mind. I remembered when we used to date and how good and caring he always was. X always went out of his way to ensure i was happy. He never gave me attitude like O does sometimes. Even when I misbehave he is always quick to forgive and forget. Do I really want to give up X for O?

And then I remembered the last time I was with O. That was a day after we had made up over the phone. We hung out after work and he had apologized all over again, saying he was going to put in more effort to make our relationship work.
I had asked him the ultimate question most unserious guys hate to hear. “What do you want out of this relationship”. I didn’t mean to pressure him to say he wanted to marry me o, I just wanted to psych him up a little.
His response was: “I really care about you babe and want you in my life but I want us to take this one day at a time”

O wants to take things a day at a time.
X wants to marry me today today

What do I want?
I want to marry a man that I love and respect and who will love and respect me forever.

The question now is who will that man be? O or X.

O hasn’t proposed o and X seems to be getting impatient for an answer.

Una fit help me for this one?

Happy weekend everyone!

Tumbo, Tumbo

I am still here. I haven’t relocated to Mars yet or is it Venus since am the girl in search of love, that should be the planet for me…don’t you think? lol.

Anyway, it’s been a while. I have been caught up in los of stuffs but I just had to find the time to update my blog. This blogging thing is not as easy as I thought initially but don’t worry guys, I aint giving up yet.

So O and I are still cool just that recently am discovering each day that if I have to pitch my tent with him for life, I have to be ready to accept the fact that I won’t be getting pampered the way I like. With O, I am the one that has to do the pampering. He always needs some sort of reassurance that I truly care for him. I have told him to stop being insecure but I don’t blame him too much, dude knows that there are lots of other guys hanging around and ready to take over his position if he f…ks up.

I care about him. I am sure of that but I also know I want a man who will dote on me and worry himself to death if I even as much as have the slightest of headaches. That’s K for you but unfortunately I don’t love K like he does me. Too bad.

Talking about Mr. X. He has really been outdoing himself these days. Calling regularly to check up on me, bringing me lunch at work (remember I told you his office is opposite mine) and some other loving stuffs. He says he is not giving up till I forget what happened and give him another chance.

Now to what happened that led to our breakup…I have shared this with my mum and a few close friends and most of them believe that what happened wasn’t enough for me to break up with X.
Actually, what happened is this-I had found out he had something with this other girl. He denied it but I found out that he was lying to me. I called the girl under the guise of being X’s sister and she opened up to me. When I confronted X with my discovery, he insisted that she wasn’t anything serious but then I didn’t trust him anymore so I ended the relationship. I must say this, I am a very jealous lover. I cant stand to share my man with anybody. If I am being faithful to you, I demand that same loyalty from you, finito.

A few days ago, I was discussing X’s comeback with an older male friend of mine and he said to me that sometimes people lie to those they love because they are either scared of hurting them or losing them. He went on to tell me that X may have lied about what happened then cos he was scared of how I would react.
Anyway, the long and short of the matter here is that most peole I have talked to believe that X is a perfect match for me-he is catholic, Ibo and loves me- three necessary criteria for my parent’s approval. Unfortunately O is not catholic, he is from Edo (although he can be said to be part-ibo cos his mum is Ibo) and I feel he loves me but I still see my folks giving me a hard time over him.

More gists o…

I spoke to O’s mum over the phone. We were talking; O and I when he suddenly told me that someone wanted to speak to me. I didn’t expect that it would be his mother. She sounded very nice and warm, said she had heard a lot about me, asked about my family and told me that her younger sister’s husband was from my place. Before she dropped the line she said I should take care of O very well. I replied that it was his duty to take care of me to which her response was that she was sure he was already doing that.
I don’t know but her saying that to me seems like she really approves of the relationship between me and her son or what do you think guys?

And O told me that she wants to meet me.

I don’t know if I should meet her. Isn’t it too early especially with this new developments with X?

Something very funny happened recently.
My mum called me and expressed her concerns over the fact that I haven’t ‘brought the man home finally’. She felt that I was getting confused so she had come up with this brilliant idea (according to her). I was supposed to give her the names of all the guys proposing to me which I did. She wrote out their names on little pieces of paper and folded them then she asked me to pick one of the tiny folded pieces of paper.
It was ridiculous, you know picking my husband out like that, but I went ahead with it just to humour her.
Guess what…I picked Mr. X’s name!
My mum happily announced prophetically to me that X was my destined husband and the sooner I realized it the better.
I don’t agree with the way she went about it-the inny minny maany mo style(tumbo, tumbo) and I’ll like to know what you all think.
That’s it for now guys.

Will do my blog rounds now.

Complicated

I just deleted O’s number from my phone!
I deleted his text messages too.

Maybe it’s stupid or crazy but I just felt it’s the right thing to do.
I think I am getting too attached to this guy.
He didn’t call me all day and I have been feeling miserable.
I don’t even feel like myself again…I am so out of control with this guy!

I am also mightily pissed off at him like why didn’t he call me all day?! I really longed to hear his voice all day but he didn’t call me. Not even to ask how my day went. God! I sound really pathetic!

Don’t ask me why I didn’t call guys. I don’t want him to begin to feel like am becoming too needy. You know how guys begin to take one for granted when they find out you are into them and am not even sure what I feel for him now.
Maybe I’m just trying to prove to myself that I can do without him.

It’s 12.30am (free calls time) now and usually, I would call him about now but tonight I aint calling him. Lets see if he calls and if he doesn’t I don’t care(lol! Who am I kidding??)

Even if I wanted to call, I can’t be tempted to anymore.
I already deleted his number.

This love business seems complicated sha….I don’t want a heart break o!