Mixed Signals...

Hello People.
How was ur weekend. Hope it was blast. Mine was just there but hey, I can’t complain! Am alive and well this beautiful Monday and there is every reason to be grateful for that, abi?

Thanks for your kind and as usual, sincere comments on this blog. I appreciate you all.

Today what gist do I have for you? Plenty as usual…you know how it is now, lol…lots of you have already dubbed me ‘The girl with a drama-filled love life’. Anyway, I no argue at all. I know you guys are right. My love life reach to act Nollywood home movie sef,lol…

This morning on my way to work. I was just thinking about everything that has been happening of late and before I knew what was happening, the tears were welling up in my eyes. Why are things not working out the way I want them to? Since my adolescent years up until now, I have never lacked male attention. In fact I get more than my necessary due. Unfortunately, most times, the attraction is not mutual. I get guys that are fallin over themselves to get my attention but who I don’t feel an iota of attraction for. It is a really rare thing for me to find a man who I love. In all my years of relationships with the opposite sex, I have only being in love with a few but the thing about me is that when I actually fall in love with a person, I fall really hard but then again, I don’t believe in stupid love o…as in mumu blind love wey no dey see road. You go know say man no send you yet you go dey die put for there. God forbid bad thing abeg!
I have been very lucky that the few men I have loved have reciprocated equally or even more sef. Well that is until now…until O.

God knows I love this man(O) with all my heart. My mum called it infatuation(I’ll come to that in a minute) but it is really sad and painful that he doesn’t feel the same way. He may have feelings for me like he claims but the truth which I have come to realize is that the feelings he claims to have are not as strong or deep as the ones I have for him.

Abeg, lemme stop lamenting and take you guys through what has been happening in the past few days.

So it was last Thursday that O dropped in to see me at work. He said he was coming back later on but I didn’t see him after that day up until this moment. I tried to resist the urge to call him up to find out if all was well but then I couldn’t stop myself from sending him a text yesterday.

“Was thinking you would have called or tried to see me this weekend. Its times like this that makes me really wonder if you truly care. Happy Sunday anyway”

He sent a reply:
“Traveled out of town for a training. I am actually in transit now. Miss you much…”

Hmmm…na wa o…I didn’t buy that excuse cos even if he had to travel, he should had mentioned it that day he came around, or even called to tell me. Everywhere in Naija has GSM network now even my remote little village so he can't say he doesn't have network wherever he is. I mean, he replied my text so what stops him from calling?

My prayer this morning was “Dear God please help me forget this guy. He is causing me too much heartache abeg…”

Other gists…

Saturday morning, I woke up very depressed. It was almost like I didn’t want to wake up if it wasn’t to O’s phone call so I just laid in bed feeling sorry for myself(yea, even I feel ashamed of myself,lol…). Finally I decided to send a text to Bobo Nice. I had recently told him about my feelings for O so I was sure he wouldn’t hassle or stress me with pleas to consider him like either B.G or K would. So I texted him: “Am bored and depressed. Don’t wanna stay home all day feeling sorry for myself. Would love to hang out. Are you free?”
In a few minutes, his call came. He was very worried about me and wanted to know why I was depressed but I told him it wasn’t stuff we could talk about over the phone and that I’d tell him when we see. He informed me that he had just gotten a new apartment and was heading over there to set things up so I offered to come help him set up and after we were through, we could hang out somewhere and talk over drinks. He liked the idea so as soon as we ended the call, I got out of bed and went to get ready to head over to his new place.

Later on, dressed up and on my way out of the house, my mum asked me where I was going to and I told her. She knew Bobo nice cos he had come to the house a couple of times and even called her on her birthday. So she asked “Hmmm…so it’s Bobo Nice now?” I knew exactly what she meant and I replied “Noooo! Mummy, Bobo Nice is just a friend now…you know that. although he wants something more but I don’t love him like that. He is almost like a brother to me”.
She said “But he is a good boy and he is very God fearing” I rolled my eyes “Mummy! I don’t love him like that!!” She laughed and joked in Ibo “My child, whoever did this to you it will not work for him/her o!” lol…I burst out laughing and said “It will not work o!” My mum like many other mothers is concerned and wants her first daughter to get married and since it isn’t as if there is a drought of suitors, she doesn’t understand why it is taking me so long to make a decision. I don’t blame her at all, even me, I don’t even understand myself,lol…

Anyway, she went on “So who is the person you love? The Edo boy?” I nodded.
She said, “You have known Bobo Nice for four years now, yet you don’t love him and this one you just met six months ago, you love him. My dear, what you are feeling is infatuation”
I laughed. “Infatuation? I don’t think so mum”.

How could this thing I feel be infatuation? This feeling is much deeper than any fleeting thing. I really, really care for O, imperfections and all. I don’t even care that one of his front teeth is broken (he had a bad fall when he was kid). Trust me, I used care about such things,lol…

Anyway after a few arranging and rearranging in Bobo Nice’s place, we went to a nearby eatery for lunch and there he asked.
“ So Aphro, what is depressing you?” I didn’t wish to discuss it again cos I didn’t want to make him feel bad. You know, you love a girl and she is telling you how she is feeling heartbroken over another guy and all that. That should make anybody feel bad so I declined from discussing it. I just shrugged off his question with “Oh that! I was just in a funny mood then. Don’t worry, am over it now. Am not feeling depressed anymore”
He didn’t buy my explanation and kept insisting that I tell him what the problem was.
So I asked “What if it is about another guy? Would you still want to hear about it?” He said “Sure…of cos! I want to hear every little detail”.
So I told him every thing. I emptied my heart and poured out all my troubles and frustrations of the past days. At the end of it all. He said to me. “Aphro, I’ll tell you the truth. When a guy says to a girl that he wants to take things a day at a time, he isn’t sure he wants to commit yet and probably has other options he is considering. I am not saying this cos I want you but because it is the truth”

Bobo Nice’s response only served to re-enforce what I already knew. O isn’t ready for serious commitment and even though on his last visit he had said otherwise, I am still not convinced. Even his attitude these past days don’t depict a man in love.

Is it just me who thinks that he is sending mixed signals?

I just want to be over him, serious!

I know he’s got a lot of fans but you guys, just look at things objectively abeg…is he treating me right?