Saturday, November 29, 2008

I called...

Okay so I just called him now.

Yea, I know I said I wasn’t going to call again.

But guys, plzzzzzz don’t be too quick to crucify me.

I had to do it.

I don’t even know why.

I just know I had to call.

Maybe I was seeking some sort of explanation or closure…

Not sure which one it was

I know for sure, I wanted answers

I wanted to know where things stood.

I mean, relationships don’t just end like this…

One minute, you guys are good together,

The next everything is in disarray and it's like someone pulled the mat from under your feet and you are hanging in the air.

He left me hanging…

And I didn’t want that.

I needed closure. I needed to know that we were done.

I needed to hear it from his lips.

“Aphrodite, this relationship is over”

So I called.
He picked up at second ring.

I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. There is no way I was going to let show in my voice, how broken I was.

Well, after some small talk,
I went straight to the reason why I called.

“So you chose to dump me and are not man enough to tell me?”

His reply:
“Is that what you want?”

I understood the game he was playing. Sly guy.

“It’s not about what I want, after all your actions these past weeks have shown me that you are no more interested in the relationship. How else do you explaining not picking my calls, replying my text messages. You won’t call even when you see my missed calls. How do you want me to interprete that?

To cut the story short.

His explanation was that we had been having a lot of quarrels recently and he just felt that he wasn’t adding any value to the relationship and he decided to just stay away since he was always making me unhappy.

What an excuse!

What was this guy going on about??
Didn’t all relationships have one problem or the other? Are couples not supposed to work out their issues?
In his own case, he doesn’t want to try to work things out rather he feels the best thing to do is to cut me off??

Gratefully, the line cut off. I didn’t call back. There was no point.

Did I get the answer I sought?

I don’t know.

* Saw his missed calls later on my phone. He probably called when I wasn't with the phone and No, i didnt call back.

On the side.
I just want to mention this to clear those who feel that O’s mum may have something to do with his behaviour.

Some days back. I just felt this urge to call her. O’s Mum , I mean.
The phone rang for a while but she didn’t pick.
I didn’t call back.

Later, I was sleeping when my phone woke me up. I glanced at the clock. It was a minute to midnight.
I picked up the phone and it was his mum calling. I pressed the green button but the line went off before I could answer so I called her back.
Our convo went something like this

Her: Hello…
Me: Hello ma
Her: Hello my dear. How are you? I saw your missed call on my phone.
Me: Yes mummy. I called you earlier but you didn’t pick up.
Her: Yes I left my phone at home then. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in a long while.
Me: I have been around.
Her: You know today is my birthday (It was past 12 midnight by now)
Me: Oh yea? I didn’t know o! Let me be the first to wish you a happy birthday. Happy birthday to you ma and I wish you God’s blessings.
Her: Thank you my dear. May God grant you all your heart desires.
Me: Amen.
Her: O is upstairs o! You want to talk to him? Should I call him?
Me: Noooooo! No ma. There is no need for that. Enjoy your birthday. Good night ma.
Her: Okay my dear. Good night.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I won't be a 'Clinger'

Thanks guys for all the love and concern you showed me when I was at my lowest. You guys are more like family than online friends. Everyday I thank God I started this blog, how would I have met all you wonderful peeps?

I am doing great, better than I ever thought I would. I still miss him-O, plenty but what can a girl do? A popular proverb in Igbo says “Person wey dem reject no dey reject imself”. I am trying to take my mind off him by burying my head in work (These days the piling desk is very welcome). And this weekend I'm going to register in the gym.

It’s all about me as from now on!

I have never been a ‘Clinger’ my whole life. By ‘Clinger’, I mean the person who tries to cling on to a loved one even when all the signs are there that he/she is not wanted. I have always believed that ‘Clinging’ is only postponing the ‘hangday’. If a partner is no longer interested in a relationship, he/she may take pity on you cos of your desperado moves(begging and clinging) but I assure you, it is only a matter of time before the insults start coming and you finally get dumped flat on your ass or probably you finally ‘wisened’ up and packed your ‘kaya’ out of the toxic relationship.

Even in my early days of relationships, I have never subscribed to the idea of ‘Clinging’. In fact, many of my friends know that I have always maintained the principle of ‘Leave before he breaks your heart’. Once you see the signs-He doesn’t call as he used to, he is always busy… he doesn’t answer when you call, he doesn't return your call or reply your messages….Girl plzzzzzzzzzz remove your slippers and start running. That guy is no more interested. He has probably found someone else and doesn’t know how to tell you. Let him go.

I almost became a ‘Clinger’.
I almost became the woman I never wanted to be.
I called, I texted, I called some more and texted some more too
Almost lost a sense of who I was because of a man…

Then it was like cold water poured on a sleeping man.
It hit me like a jolt.
I was becoming the ‘Clinger’
I had to stop and think…
I came here, blogged…
And you guys came through for me
You all gave me the wake up call I needed.
the strength I needed to let go.

I haven’t called for 8 days now.
I haven’t sent a text for 5 days now.
I have no intention of doing any of the above
I have decided to move on...
He doesn’t deserve an ounce of me
I will find my man, my love…
I believe it now
After that dream I had some nights ago…
I know it will happen
I believe it.

Friday, November 14, 2008


(Heavy sigh)Hmmph…

What do you do when the man you love so deeply doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings?

I know…

Forget him.

But why is it so hard to do?

What do you do when your every waking thought is just about this guy and he obviously isn’t sparing you any thought?

I know…

Let go and let him be.

But it just seems impossible.

What do you do when he doesn’t call, doesn’t pick up when you do, doesn’t call back and doesn’t even reply ur text messages?

I know…

Have some pride and don’t call too, he obviously doesn’t want to hear your voice which is why he hasn’t called.

But it’s taking all my will power restraining myself from calling him.

He says he cares…

But is this how to show it?

By giving me the cold shoulder?

Oh love! LOVE!!

I searched for you…

Found you…

But you don’t want to stay with me…

Don’t I deserve you?

Don’t I deserve to be happy and bask in the love of someone I desire?

If you leave me, Love…

I just might let you be and search no more.

PS: Sorry for the long silence. Just been too depressed to write anything that won’t be gloomy and I didn’t want to spread the sadness too.
I hope I can come back here soon to give you guys the real gist as usual.
Love you all.