Standards or Limitations??

Hey guys!

What’s good?

Happy new week to you all...

Not much have been going on in my Love life o...

Okay except for my suitor from Holland. Yea the one I spoke about in my last post. The one whose English is not Kosher(like Afrobabe puts it,lol…)

Let's call him Mr.Holland from now on...

He hasn’t relented in calling me and sending text messages despite my unfriendly attitude at times.

My younger sister even called me ‘Harsh’ once when I told him matter-of-factly on the phone:

“I can’t marry you cos you don’t have a University education…”

He wasn’t fazed by my statement anyway and replied:

“But I can always get a University education. In fact I have plans to…”

The guy seems determined sha…

Anyway...

My love horoscope reading today says:

“You’re a true delicacy and if others can't see that, they don't deserve you. So stop selling yourself short. Your rare qualities are a fantastic match for someone who adores you. Hooking up just to hook up is truly a waste of your time right now”

It amazes me how right on point these readings can be at times.

Here I was beginning to think maybe I should take it easy with Mr. Holland and give him a chance after all,

Now this reading don put ‘comma’ inside o…

Now people what do you think this means?

That I shouldn’t lower my standards just because I want to get married?

Talking about standards…

Why do we limit ourselves with these standards sef?

:)
Be back shortly…

Ese o...

OMG!

I have been so out of touch in blogville.

Sorry my people o...flenty flenty tins to do like Musa my maiguard says,lol...

Logged into the naija Bloggers Award page this morning only to find that I was nominated for an award- Best Personal Blog.

I just wanted to say Ese o..., Daalu nu o... Thank you o...to everyone who nominated my blog.

I never expected to get a nomination seeing as there are so many lovely, interesting Naija blogs out there.

Even if i no win, my belle dey full with happiness.

But wait o...make una go complete wetin una start o...

Won't be bad to win the award, dont you think?

Then we'll all have a very merry party :) :)

Catch ya...

The dream, the Vision and the Suitors...

Last night, I got a text from a secondary school friend. She is getting married this weekend and had gotten my number from another friend of ours so she sent me an invite to her wedding.
In the text she had included her wedding website so this morning, I decided to check it out.
Their's was a sweet love story. As I browsed through the website I kept telling God in my heart-“Father this is what I want, this is what I want…”
Their love story inspired me and almost made me believe that someday even I will find love.

Now to the main koko of the my gist today,

A few days back, I got a call from a strange number. It was an international call from Holland.
I picked up. The caller was strange too but he knew my name cos he went:
“Hello, am I speaking to Aphro?”
I replied in the affirmative and he went on to introduce himself.
He was from my town, had gotten my number from my cousin, blab la bla…
I instantly knew what was up.
Someone had been doing some matchmaking!

Fast forward to days later.
I have learnt more about the guy cos he has been calling everyday and we chatted a few times online.
Some stuff i have learnt...
He isn’t bad looking (seen his webcam)
He works in a transport company in Holland.
He seems honest (He told me he works as a transport officer aka Driver. Many guys will not do this. They’d rather form and feed you lies. Trust me, am talking from experience)
But wait for this…
Bobo dey ‘tagbon’ well well for im English o! meaning am not too impressed with his spoken English especially with the fact that I happen to have an excellent grasp of the language.
Na that last one spoil the whole matter.lol…
One thing I appreciate in the opposite sex is a man with eloquence. A man who speaks well. A man whom I wont be too embarrassed to introduce to my friends for fear of him ‘disgracing’ me,lol…
No, he doesn’t have to speak phonetics and all, he just needs to know his tenses and not make statements like-“ I wented to work this morrrin”
LOL….
Okay he is not that bad sha but am not impressed with what I have heard coming from his mouth so far.

However, the kain dream wey I dream last night don put me for ‘Gbagharia’ (Confusion).

In the dream, I was with my parents and some relations and somehow we were talking about a suitor who was asking for my hand in marriage.
I had told them that I wasn’t interested in the man cos he wasn’t my type.
My mum then replied that it was okay. If he wasn’t my type, someone better will come along.
Next thing, someone in the meeting(cant remember which of my aunts it was) shouted:
“Haaaa…don’t say that o. Don’t you know that this is spiritual. She will keep finding faults with everyman that comes her way and in the end, she’ll never marry. Let her stop finding fault and marry this man before it is too late o!”

I woke up at that point and spent sometime thinking about that dream before sleep came again.
Since morning, I have been thinking about this dream. I havnt even been able to properly concentrate on my work all day.

I recalled something a friend once told me when we were in the university.
She was one of the “born again’ ones then in school but we had a good rapport.
One day, she approached me and told me about a dream/vision she had about me.
According to her, in the dream, she had seen me with so many suitors coming around, yet I rejected each one and it was revealed to her that I had a marine husband that was determined that I’d never get married in real life. He was the one who was always making me find one fault or the other in my suitors and even if I love someone, something will come between us to break the relationship.She went further to tell me that I may end up being unmarried if I didn’t go for deliverance and reject the spiritual husband.

Anyway, I did go for deliverance then and rejected the ‘so called’ spiritual husband but that incident had stayed with me ever since.

To be honest, I have had more than my fair share of suitors. More than your average girl.
In fact, I started having suitors since I was 17years.
Many of my cousins and friends always tell me that they are surprised I am still single till date. Everyone thought I’d be married with a brood of kids by now .


I still have some suitors hanging around, begging me to accept them.

There is K who hasn’t given up all these while even after all the shabby treatment I have given him.
There is Bobo Nice who is still hoping against hope.
There is this new guy who seems quite serious.

Now what is my problem?
Why can’t I accept one of them and take the plunge?
What is it I am looking for?
Why do I seem to find faults here and there?

And to worsen matters, the man I finally met and loved decided he didn’t want to be with me.

Na wa…
Am I under a curse?
Do I have a spiritual husband for real?

What do u think guys?
Help a sister out,plzzzzzzzzzz...

I still search...

In a couple of days, It will be St.Valentine's day.

Sadly I am one of those who are not looking forward to it.

I wish I could go to bed on the 13th and wake up to the 15th. It's silly yea, but that's how i feel.

This is not the way I hoped things would turn out.

This is not the love-life I ordered.

I dreamt of celebrating Val's day with the one I loved-the one I would have willingly given up everything for.

But sadly, it is not going to be.

It's all good though...

I'm still alive and that counts for something, right?

As long as there is life, there is hope...

If not this year, then next year...

I wont give up in my search for lasting love.

I still search...


PS: To all of you my darling friends, happy Vals day in advance.

REWIND

I logged into my blog this morning to find a whole lot of comments.

Thanks peeps. I know you all got my back but somehow it seems as if my last post generated a lot of furore.
Apparently ‘Submission’ is a very controversial/sensitive issue for many people/couples.
After reading all your opinions, I think its only fair to voice out exactly what I feel about a woman submitting to her husband/boyfriend in a relationship.
I believe it’s not just plain this & that or black and white.
One has to apply a lot of wisdom and caution to matters of the heart. I also agree with princesa that there can’t be two captains in a ship. One person has to defer to the other.


The bible tells us that it’s the woman’s duty to defer to her husband but who says a woman can’t steer the ship for, instance? Some times a man out of LOVE can decide to let his wife/girlfriend’s decision prevail. It doesn’t mean he has let go of his position as the head of the home. It only means that he is mature enough to know that they are in the ship together and have equal stakes as individuals.
I think it all boils down to the big word-LOVE. If a man loves his wife thoroughly, submission won’t be an issue cos it will come naturally to the woman. It’s simple!

That's just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. Check out this blog too. She has something interesting to say on the issue of submission between couples.

FFF, you wanted to write about this issue too. Go ahead dear as long as no names are mentioned.

Moving on, I want to apologise for just hitting you guys with that previous post without giving you some background gist first which was why Laughter was asking if I was the one who initiated the meeting with O’s mum.

Anyway, I have decided to put up this post that I had typed before the last one. I wasn’t able to post it then and somehow, events just overtook each other.

I must warn you tho, it’s in my usual fashion, very looooong! lol…You might want to grab some popcorn and coke first ;) Oh well, just read on.

I look forward to reading ur comments meanwhile I’ll be at ur spots sooner that you know…
Kisses…

THE POST THAT SHOULD HAVE COME BEFORE


Hey guys!
I’m sorry if it seemed as if I had gone AWOL on you all.
First of all, let me say a very big Happy New year to everyone.
HhhhaaaappppyyyyyyNnnneewwwyyyeeeaaarrrr!!!!!
Hmmmmmphhh…*catching back my breath*
May 2009 be a year of fulfillment for all of us, Amen.

A lot’s been happening to me just that I haven’t had time to blog for a while. Been busy rounding up 2008, work and all…

Now I have a lil’ bit time, I guess I’ll just update you all on the happenings.

No I haven’t found a new love yet although there have been prospects just that they weren’t my type.

One of them was a cousin of a friend who is based in the U.S but returned to the country for the Xmas hols. I had gone to visit this friend on Xmas day, okay it was more like I had gone to eat Xmas rice at her place,lol…I hadn’t bothered to cook cos I was home alone(everyone had traveled to the Village for Xmas) and my friend had invited me to have lunch at hers so off I went.
Got there, ate and was busy chatting with her when this cousin of hers walked into the sitting room.
Her younger sister exclaimed:
“Aha! Aphro, have you met my fine cousin?”
I turned to look at the new comer.
He was fine all right but not my type of fine. For one, he was too light and looked like he used bleaching creams. That was number one minus. I didn’t want to be dragging cream in the house with my man,lol…don’t mind me ;)

I passed by him in the hallway as I was leaving their house and said goodbye but dude pulled me back and started asking for my details(name & number). I didn’t like the way he went about it but I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of my friend so I acquiesced and gave him the info he sought. His approach was number 2 minus for him tho.

Now, he is back in the U.S and has called me twice already but I don’t see any potential hook-up with him sha.

Maybe I’m still hung on O.
Scratch that, I am still hung up on him.
Yea, I know some of you might want to give me a slap right now,lol….
But the truth is that I still love him too much for my own good.
The temptation to call him has been really strong since this new year especially after my visit to Uncle E’s place on the 1st.

I had gone to visit Uncle E after I saw him at a family function and he had insisted I come by. He was alone with his wife at home when I went. All his kids were grown up now and were either married or on their own.

We had a nice time, gisting and all…Uncle E had always been fun to hang with. He has this very youthful disposition to life and always refers to himself as a ‘small boy’,lol…
His wife is also very warm so I was enjoying my time with them until talk about ‘O’ came up.
Remember his wife is O’s aunt. Refer to this post here.

So somehow the talk drifted to O. I think it was when uncle started complaining about his youngest son who worked in a bank and how he never had time for himself cos he was always working. He had even worked on Xmas day!
Then he said “It’s the same thing O’s mum is complaining about him. He is always working even on weekends, It’s too bad what these banks are doing to our young ones”

I agreed with him but also remarked that in O’s case, I seriously doubt if it was only the bank job that was keeping him busy.

Uncle laughed and retorted “What else then? Okay and you too!” His wife joined in the laughter. I had to defend myself. “Me? Noooo! He hardly even has time for me. In fact to tell you guys the truth we are no more together”

Of course, they were curious to know the whole story so I had to tell them. His aunt(uncle E’s wife) kept insisting that there was no other girl and it was his work at the bank that was keeping him always busy. Uncle was of the opinion that he wouldn’t vouch for him cos he was a young man and anything was possible.

Uncle E’s wife also mentioned that she had spoken to him a few days back and enquired about me. According to her he didn’t say anything to suggest that we had broken up. I only replied that maybe he didn’t want them to know.

They however said they were going to call him to hear his own side of the matter despite my insisting that it wasn’t necessary and I didn’t want him (O) to feel as if I came to report to them so that they could talk to him.

Later that same evening, when I was at home. Guess who called?
O’s mum.
She had called to wish me a happy new year and then she asked the question again:
“What is happening, why haven’t we been seeing you?”
I tried to dodge the question by saying it was nothing.
Then she said “I want to see you. Can you come by the house sometime?”
I answered “Okay ma”

I have been thinking whether to go see her or not. Maybe Uncle E’s wife had talked to her. I don’t want O to start feeling important or anything like that. His ego is already big enough but I also don’t want to appear disrespectful to O’s mum.

What do u guys think?




More gist...


Ehen…O and I had a long midnight conversation last night.
It all started with a text he sent that read thus:


“I’m listening to your boy Chris Brown singing our song-‘With you’ and am hearing the song in your voice. Why did you change and plunge us into this state of existence? Why Aphro?”

I didn’t quite understand him so I sent a reply:
“Me, plunge us into this state? It was you who decided you had had enough of the relationship and stayed away. I only left you alone to lick my wounds in private. Am not surprised tho, it’s always my fault when things go wrong”

He replied:
“Nne m, its not like that. I have my faults too. U just don’t strike me as making enough effort to meet me halfway on issues. If I didn’t come to you, why didn’t you attempt to come to me?”

My reply:
U talk about meeting you halfway when you didn’t even take a step? Maybe am old fashioned but I still believe a man should make the first move and the woman will follow”

Him:
“Remember when u would come see me on ur way out of the office. I always felt so happy seeing you. Was that old fashioned?

Me:
"That should tell you, I would do much more only if I felt that u cared for me. I stopped coming when I stopped feeling loved. U stopped caring and treated me like trash”

He:
“It would be a Herculean task to stop caring about you, if not impossible”

I was tired of the back and forth texting so I called him. It was midnight and already ‘Free calls time’.
We talked for quite some time. Mostly about how we ended up where we were. For him, it was our regular quarrels over silly stuffs that made him stay away. I still held my opinion that if he loved me he wouldn’t give up on the relationship but try to work things out.
I cant really recall all we talked about that night but I remember getting pissed at some things he said. Like when he said:


“Aphro, if we come back together, I’m going to have to be hard on you. I think I spoilt you and let you get away with some things. You are stubborn and I admit, I am too but we can’t keep struggling for supremacy in this relationship. It’s not possible”

I wanted to take him up on that statement but realized that things were still delicate at that point and I didn’t want to worsen the situation so I pretended I didn’t hear him.

We didn’t come to any conclusion that night cos his phone battery went dead and we couldn’t continue talking.

That was two days before the meeting at his mother’s.

Now, I don’t really know what the situation is…if we are back together or not.
We’ve been communicating but there is still a lot of underlying issues that we need to thrash.
A guy pal said to me yesterday:


“Aphro, you really love this guy so you just need to accept him the way he is and learn how to follow him so you guys won’t be having any more quarrels”

I agree I love him but does this mean I have to sentence myself to a life of unhappiness?



I deserve to be loved the way I want. I deserve it!

To comply or not...

So his mum called us for a meeting last Sunday.

Just me, him and her.

And she pointed out where we had both gone wrong

So we both said “I’m sorry” to each other

And promised to put the past behind us.

Obviously she loves me and wants me for a daughter-in-law

But her son’s got to love me too, innit?

She played all those childish games:

“Oya Aphro, go and sit on his laps…” “O, you go and hug her…”

And even though I found it all funny

The bitter taste of rejection and hurt lingers on in my mouth.

It’s not as easy as she made it seem

We still got a lot of issues to resolve

Like our silly quarrels over nothing

He also gave a condition…

“We can't both be captains in this relationship, Aphro. You’ve got to be the woman and let me be the man”

His mum concurred “My dear, you have to be submissive. I was too to my husband and he loved me until his death”

I agree, a woman should be submissive but do I have to lose my sense of self.

Do I have to agree to all he says even when I don’t feel like?

Can’t I even voice my own views without him thinking am trying to dominate him?

I have always had a strong personality…never been the meek type.

Why do I have to be someone else now?

I always thought, love should accept you the way you are and not try to change you.

It’s up to you, he said.

Comply or Forget me.


HAPPY NEW YEAR MY DARLINGS!

Dogs, Text messages & Mixed Vibes

Living with Dogs have taught me one thing.
They are very greedy and selfish.
A dog may not want something but would rather hold on to it that let another person/dog have it.
If it’s a bone, that one na another matter,lol…

I just realized that O is acting like the typical Dog.

Bobo no want me again, I mean he showed me all the signs- Not calling, Not replying messages, Not picking his calls, always too busy to find time for me and all.

He even confirmed it(See last post)
He was staying away cos we’ve been having too many issues of late(his own words).

So what was I expected to do.
Stay put and let another man rub shit in my face?

No way!

I decided to move on.

I spoke to an older friend(yea, the same older friend I normally talk to) who is very experienced in love matters.

His advice was that I should send him a text of Finality.
A text that would show him that I was moving on.

According to him(my friend) his response will determine the next course of action.

I argued. “I don’t want to send any text… He wouldn’t even reply the text”

In response, my friend said:
“Aphro dear, if he doesn’t bother to reply the text then please, I beg you….PLEASE forget the guy, he doesn’t deserve you. Cut every tie between the both of you and move on. The man who will appreciate you will come.”

I finally agreed to send the text.

“We don’t have to be strangers just because we are no more in a relationship. My prayer for you is that you find someone to love and who will love you the way you always wanted. Bye.”

Surprisingly, he replied immediately.

“We need to talk. Will find time during the week to come by. Is that okay?”

I replied: “It’s okay”


During the week, he called me one evening on my way home from work to say he was about to leave the office to my place. I wasn’t home yet and it would still be an hour or so before I got home so I told him not to bother coming cos I was still far from home.

He said Fine. Tomorrow then?

Okay. I replied.

He went on.
“So why haven’t you called all this while?”

I was surprised at the question.
“Call? Have you forgotten that you normally ignore my calls?”
“Aphro, I would never ignore your calls baby…”
“Ha ha ha, that’s really funny, I cant believe you are saying that. Anyway, lets not argue. We’ll talk when we see”

The next day, I was missing him so I sent a text.
“How are you? Miss me?”

His reply came in immediately.
“Am doing okay dear. Do you miss me?”

I replied.
“I asked you a question and you replied with the same question”

His reply:
“I have been thinking about you everyday Aphro. I began to call other peeps your name. You mean so much to me. I didn’t mean to stay away, just dat I don’t wanna cos you more pain”

My reply:
“I really cant understand how staying away is supposed to make things better. A relationship can only succeed if the two people involved work at it equally. Sometimes I feel that you are not ready for serious commitment. That can only be the explanation for your actions.”

His reply:
“It’s not that dear. I am ready to settle down but at times you seem like someone else to me and we both become stubborn and misunderstand each other. I stay away cos I am confused”

Me:
“You say we both become stubborn, right? You know how we women get at times, you are the man, you should know how to calm me down and let me understand you”

Him:
“Yes, That is what u have decided and the feelings I have for you are noble enough for me to do the right thing and calm you down when the troubles begin to rage between us”

Me:
“You decided that? Who gave you that advice? Anyway we'll see later. am leaving for home now.”

That was the text banter we had.

I was supposed to see him last week but he didn’t show up.

I put it down to his been very busy at work and reasoned, the weekend was coming and there was the sallah hols on Monday & Tuesday so no matter how bad it was, he would be able to make out time during those four days to see me for the talk we were supposed to have.

Saturday came and went.
No word from him.
Sunday too.

Monday evening, I sent a text.
“I thought we were meant to see but unfortunately, you are too busy even on public hols. Hope you enjoyed urself today”

He replied:
“Sugar, I didn’t enjoy myself o! I was at the office all day. My pathetic story with my bank continues. Will try to come by tomorrow if I can”

Yeah right! I thought. I wasn’t buying that spending all day in the bank shit!

On Tuesday, I was determined not to stay at home waiting for his call so I went out with a girl pal of mine. We had fun and I was able to forget about him for a while until I got home.
Around 8pm, I couldn’t resist the temptation to call to find out if he was still coming.
The phone rang for a while and then cut off. He didn’t answer.

I slept off that night with my phone beside my pillow thinking he would call.

The next morning, I saw his text message.
“Hi angel, sorry I missed your call. Was meant to come over but didn’t finish at the office till about 10pm. I could have still come down to your place but I knew it would be too late for you to come out of your house”


I didn’t bother to reply it.
Jerk! What stopped him from calling back when he saw my missed call?!


I had started to gradually condition my mind to forgetting him finally.
I was really suceeding at it o cos I realized that I wasn’t thinking of him as much as I used to.
I admit, his not calling all these while kinda made things easier.

Only to get this text last nite:
“Listening to some of the love songs you used to sing to me and remembering how we fell in love, thinking of your beautiful face and our first tender moments. I miss you.”

Now it’s obvious, this guy is playing some serious game with me.
He doesn’t have the right to toy with my emotions this way.
He no want…He want…
Which one I go take?

He had better be clear as to what he wants cos I don’t want to be the bone in this dog's paw no longer...

I see that fine mongrel eyeing me,lol....

Katch ya guys!