Last night, I got a text from a secondary school friend. She is getting married this weekend and had gotten my number from another friend of ours so she sent me an invite to her wedding.
In the text she had included her wedding website so this morning, I decided to check it out.
Their's was a sweet love story. As I browsed through the website I kept telling God in my heart-“Father this is what I want, this is what I want…”
Their love story inspired me and almost made me believe that someday even I will find love.
Now to the main koko of the my gist today,
A few days back, I got a call from a strange number. It was an international call from Holland.
I picked up. The caller was strange too but he knew my name cos he went:
“Hello, am I speaking to Aphro?”
I replied in the affirmative and he went on to introduce himself.
He was from my town, had gotten my number from my cousin, blab la bla…
I instantly knew what was up.
Someone had been doing some matchmaking!
Fast forward to days later.
I have learnt more about the guy cos he has been calling everyday and we chatted a few times online.
Some stuff i have learnt...
He isn’t bad looking (seen his webcam)
He works in a transport company in Holland.
He seems honest (He told me he works as a transport officer aka Driver. Many guys will not do this. They’d rather form and feed you lies. Trust me, am talking from experience)
But wait for this…
Bobo dey ‘tagbon’ well well for im English o! meaning am not too impressed with his spoken English especially with the fact that I happen to have an excellent grasp of the language.
Na that last one spoil the whole matter.lol…
One thing I appreciate in the opposite sex is a man with eloquence. A man who speaks well. A man whom I wont be too embarrassed to introduce to my friends for fear of him ‘disgracing’ me,lol…
No, he doesn’t have to speak phonetics and all, he just needs to know his tenses and not make statements like-“ I wented to work this morrrin”
LOL….
Okay he is not that bad sha but am not impressed with what I have heard coming from his mouth so far.
However, the kain dream wey I dream last night don put me for ‘Gbagharia’ (Confusion).
In the dream, I was with my parents and some relations and somehow we were talking about a suitor who was asking for my hand in marriage.
I had told them that I wasn’t interested in the man cos he wasn’t my type.
My mum then replied that it was okay. If he wasn’t my type, someone better will come along.
Next thing, someone in the meeting(cant remember which of my aunts it was) shouted:
“Haaaa…don’t say that o. Don’t you know that this is spiritual. She will keep finding faults with everyman that comes her way and in the end, she’ll never marry. Let her stop finding fault and marry this man before it is too late o!”
I woke up at that point and spent sometime thinking about that dream before sleep came again.
Since morning, I have been thinking about this dream. I havnt even been able to properly concentrate on my work all day.
I recalled something a friend once told me when we were in the university.
She was one of the “born again’ ones then in school but we had a good rapport.
One day, she approached me and told me about a dream/vision she had about me.
According to her, in the dream, she had seen me with so many suitors coming around, yet I rejected each one and it was revealed to her that I had a marine husband that was determined that I’d never get married in real life. He was the one who was always making me find one fault or the other in my suitors and even if I love someone, something will come between us to break the relationship.She went further to tell me that I may end up being unmarried if I didn’t go for deliverance and reject the spiritual husband.
Anyway, I did go for deliverance then and rejected the ‘so called’ spiritual husband but that incident had stayed with me ever since.
To be honest, I have had more than my fair share of suitors. More than your average girl.
In fact, I started having suitors since I was 17years.
Many of my cousins and friends always tell me that they are surprised I am still single till date. Everyone thought I’d be married with a brood of kids by now .
I still have some suitors hanging around, begging me to accept them.
There is K who hasn’t given up all these while even after all the shabby treatment I have given him.
There is Bobo Nice who is still hoping against hope.
There is this new guy who seems quite serious.
Now what is my problem?
Why can’t I accept one of them and take the plunge?
What is it I am looking for?
Why do I seem to find faults here and there?
And to worsen matters, the man I finally met and loved decided he didn’t want to be with me.
Na wa…
Am I under a curse?
Do I have a spiritual husband for real?
What do u think guys?
Help a sister out,plzzzzzzzzzz...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The dream, the Vision and the Suitors...
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48 comments:
Babe, the rest of us are not married not cos we dont have suitors nor cos we all have marine husbands but cos what we are looking for has not yet been found..I'd rather marry late than marry someone I cant stand...
my last suitor had the same problem..
It's funny reading yours cos I see parallel with my own experiences as a guy. Am always saying No 2d girls dat go crazy 4me..and crazy 4 those dat aint crazy 4 me...i think it's abt expectations and reality. You might need to critically review who you're...cos when I looked at my life, I discovered that from my secondary skl days, I enjoyed d difficult subjects...like further maths, and in university and medischool, I had A's in the tough courses and B's and C's in the easy courses bc am wired to bring out d best when I confront tough things...and I unwittingly carried same mindset into relationships such dat I seem to get flunked by same types of girls with similar traits.
As per d spiritual hubby thing...emmm it's scary but it's a spiritla fact and I've met 2 girls who shared their own experiences of how d guy use to come and sleep 'literally' with them...and attacked suitors by either causing misfortune to fall on them or even killing them tro accidents etc. But they got delivered though tro prayers....so dont know uif yu've had such regular visitors tro dreams or real life...
Babes, i can relate to ur experiences cos i am a girl who has also had her own fair share of suitors.
I have been called choosy by some of my relations, even my mum but I still believe that marriage is not a child's play so one should look well before leaping.
On spiritual husband ish, my dear, me i cant give advise on that cos i dont know what to say. Just pray constantly for God's guidance.
no wonder u have been around blogsville.i should have stalked u to make #1!!!!
am off to read
First time here.....
maybe you're a bit picky, maybe not.Only you can tell. Maybe you could take a look at the critearia you have for your future husband and see wheather or not you have high or unrealistic expectations....is there anything that can be taken off the list?
I don't think you should settle for less....the right person will come along, and its better to wait rather than compromise
I repeat,nne,God will not allow u kill me.
Of course,someday soon u will find love.
lol @ i wented to work this morning.how about i hate what u do last week.lol
God 4bid evil dreams abeg,half of the time i dream about wat i saw heard or want to happen self atimes.God 4bid bad thing,been more prayerful isnt a bad idea as well
Aphro...send me your personal email and I'll send some thots I'd shared with a friend on a similar matter b4...my email is halal3k@yahoo.com or obifelix"gmail.com
Honey...let me leave with this lil piece of advise my friend sent me when i was fretting over my life, hope it helps u.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
There is a time for everything..so don't worry too much, your time is coming xx
thank u JARRAI' bcos if no be u i for give dis babe kon-slap Haba!!!! how many timeS i go tel u say....wait for ur time (GOD'S TIME)
I don't believe in settling for less just to please people or get in on the trends......... U do know people exagerrate the love and proposal stories on their website rite?
Maybe you need to take a break from 'looking', have fun and u never know.
@afrobabe, ur comment is comforting dear.
@nuggetzman, so u believe they (spiritual husbands) exist? What did i do to deserve one now?
@princesa, a girl's dilemma, abi?
@Qmoney, yea, u narrowly missed clinching number 1.
@scarlett, i have constantly reviewed what i want in a husband and my dear, i do not think its too much to ask for an intelligent, hardworking, Godfearing, sincere man that will love me for me!
@Qmoney, darling, why will i kill you now?:)lol@I hate what u do last week. Who yarn that one?
I agree, i just have to be more prayerful.
@nuggetzman, okay, will do.
@wordmerchant, thanks for the advise.
@LG,lol...I had to look left and right to be sure you were talking to me.
Ol gal, u vex o,lol...
Okay i don hear you but no be Jarrai talk that one, na Word merchant abi Jarria don chage her name?
@Jayla, yea, maybe that is what i need now. Thanks.
i think you should make a list of what u want in a man, and also a list of what you do not want. be honest and practical in the list and pray about it. Review why u rejected ur other suitors, and u can tell whether u did it for flimsy reasons.
there's nothing that goes wrong in the physical that doesnt have a spiritual parallel. at least thats what i believe.
If you want to remain married for a long time (ie no divorce) u have to be prayerful about it, because a man that might be perfect in ur eyes, might become a monster 10 years down the line. only God knows all these things. Getting married is not the hard part, its staying married that is the hard part.
Just be prayerful !
I am not sure everyone marries their perfect match. You see some good and bad qualities in everyone. God will help make the judgement as to if someone is a life partner or not.
But I am sure you are smart and seeing genuine reasons why you can't be with these people. It's no curse, no marine husband, just a girl who know what she wants and is not ready to lower her standards.
You will find that person and when you do you'd know. Hopefully he'd find you too.
ME I CHOOSE NOT 2 BELIEVE THIS mammy water crap jare.no marine spirit is chasing u...aslong as u dnt believe so anyways urself,mayb ure choosy...big deal!...u have waited so long..dnt end up with a guy u cant stand like afro said.he will come....mayb u need to lower the standards a teeny weeny bit thts all
There's nothing wrong with having standards but you need to check that you're not being picky. I don't believe there's one guy who has all qualities all in one, you have to compromise and love them overall accepting their flaws. I WENTED is a no no, maybe he'll find someone who enjoys past and present tense in one. Just ask yourself am I being picky? Talk to God rather than so called deliverance. It'll only frighten you. Take care x
LMAO!!
You know me and my madness of laughing at everything and barely taking life seriously, so before i even start i laugh again.
Lol @ marine husband.
Ok im done now im shifting gear to serious mode.
Babes, your insistence on maintaining a standard doesnt mean you are too picky or any of dat ish.
Like Afro said its better to marry late than....,
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe it is the standard society has pushed on us women to be married at a particular age or be tagged "old cargo" that is responsible for the increase in divorce rates and the joke that has become marriages lately??
Everyone is so anxious not to be looked as, as if something is wrong with them and made examples of that they rush into meaningless relationships just so they can be called a "wife" or a "husband"
Opinions are the cheapest things darling..,everyone has them.
The only one dat matters ultimately is urs.
You will live with the consequences of your actions, dont let anyone push you into was will eventually make life a nightmare for you. bcos ul live it alone.
Heads up babes one love!!!
Me thinks, you have gotten to a point where you are really working yourself up into a frenzy and you are susceptible to make a lot of mistakes if you go down that path.
Why don't you just relax and enjoy life, suitor, married or not?
I understand the pressure (trust me I do, I am unmarried African woman soon to be 30) but what good is marriage if you end up not wanting to be in it? It's for the rest of your life anyways, why don't you take more time and enjoy being with you?
But I've been in your shoes a couple of years, when I really thought "that's it, I need to settle down and stop being so damn picky all the time"... It didn't turn out very good. I finally let go and surprise, surprise, I am finally with a man I actually want to be with and whom I love.
I think relaxing should be the next step. Don't get too agitated over it.
Take care darling, all in all, you should be fine.
Let mefirst tell u that u totally cracked me up with dat tagbon!
Sweetheart, think of the fact that marriage shd be a matter of forever, i.e the rest of your life, there really is no need to rush.
In God's good time, the right man will come along. Just continue to trust in him.
Goodluck dear,and try not to stress ok.
What you need to do is relax and take your mind of men. The bible says "he who findeth a wife.." you are not supposed to find him.he shall find you babe! Relax and he will be there. you wont even know when he sweeps you off your feet.
I have a friend who felt all her life that she had a spiritual husband because she could not last in relationships. Today she is a happily married woman about to put to bed. One statement she said that always touches me is "Many will think it is late but I know the time is right..."
Dreams come from the following sources 1) God 2) Our subconscious (what we have been meditating on) and 3) [I think there is a third one but I can't remember right now]
When God gives a dream to someone, it is to intercede for a person or a situation. I expect that is what your university friend did. If that is the case, it has been settled.
I hope you have also not been thinking too much about the spiritual husband thing and the fact that you are not yet married. Such can cause you to have the unsettling dreams.
Marriage is not something you want to rush into or manage for the rest of your life. Every woman knows what she wants (+ or - somethings). When you see it (him), you will know.
The word of God assures us that He will give us the desires of our heart and will not withhold the requests of our lips [Psalms 21:2]. Ask God to help you select the qualities you want in a man, help you to prepare yourself for such a man, and open your eyes to see him when he comes.
You will marry in due time, my dear...
hey babes..lg is right. I changed my url.
LMAO@ wented to work this morning.
You are not under a curse. Iv been called mammy water with many spiritual husbands before. I think it goes with being light skinned. I assume u are rite? Just take ur hand off dis marriage biz and live ur life to the fullest
hmm i think many girls in nigeria often undergo the whole mamy water/spiritual husband thing.. me, i was called their queen and that i had a husband and blah blah i did the whole deliverance thing(eventhoug am a muslim.. i dnt discriminate especially wen it comes to salvation).. just believe in God, God is more than any spiritual husband, i dont even know what to say cos settling is not something i stand but if... ure at the point where all u want is marriage, u can take the one who loves u most out of all ur suitors like bobo nice... rather some one whos is crazy for u than someone ure crazy for! goodluck and may God be with us all!
i told the last person who told me i need deliverance to go deliver his kids
am I the ONLY single 9ja babe on planet earth?
babes
if IT doesnt feel right-dont take the plunge
your OWN shall not pass you by(THE LORD SAYS SO)
Marriage is for a lifetime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LMAO! One guy told me he is in law school but cannot put an intelligent sentence together. I wonder what kind of people will ever hire him to represent them in a court of law.
I believe your man is out there looking desperately to meet you. I don't believe in he will find you sorta thing. You have to make yourself avaliable and keep an open mind. Just pray that your path crosses. All you need is just one meeting.
I totally echo Ms Sula's opinion..incessant prayer shud be the cherry on top..u'll be fine sweetie..mwah!
I totally echo Ms Sula's opinion..incessant prayer shud be the cherry on top..u'll be fine sweetie..mwah!
'tis not lack of suitors but the presence of the 'spark' which ought not be compromised.
ha. you have obviously internalized the nonsense that person told you and now it had made its way into your subconcious and now manifesting itself in a place of a dream. I am pretty sure you dont have a marine husband. and yes, you found someone (O) and you didnt find fault in him, so doesnt that prove that theory wrong. And you will find the person most compatible with you when you find him. Live your life sister. Have fun. Find joy. find your own purpose that has nothing to do with a suitor. Live your life and everything good will come. XOXO
when the right man comes along
you will get married
enough of this spiritual husband nonsense
you deserve to have the best
so nothing wrong with being sensibly fussy
my dear, being married and seeing how unlike real life marriages all d romantic movies are, i'd advise u not to pressure urself into marriage. Personally, i feel O not marrying u is d best thing dat could have happened to u. U might b feeling otherwise now, but take it 4rm me dear, u r better off. So, don't despair. Let marriage come at its own time. Cos once u r in, my dear, u r in oh! there is no coming out, at least not d same way dat u went in. So, take ur time. be sure u r making d right decision within d available information u have & can get. Every husband/wife have tested their spouse's patience 2 a breaking point at one point or d other. when it happens to u, it's somewhat comforting to know dat at least nobody pushed u 2 marry dat man & u'd take solace n dat wen u r forgiving him.
marriage is lovely, marriage is sweet, but marriage can b trying. be aware of that, b4 u depress urself into marrying d next man out of fear dat u might have a marine husband (crap, as far as i see it). as 4 d holland guy & his poor english, my husband no too sabi sha. But now, am 'brushing him up'. lmao. (he'd kill me if he reads dis). in other words, if u want to reject d dude, a better reason dan his bad English would be more wholesome, if u ask me.
Calm down, babe. Someone once told me that when you aren't looking, love comes your way. That's what happened for me. There is nothing wrong in knowing what you need, want and refuse in a relationship. That only makes sense. Take your time and find someone that you can stand to be around at least 80-90% of the time and you actually respect. That person, if the feelings are mutual, will likely be the one you can grow old with.
Take care, sweetie.
for one, i dont believe in marine husbands, dont think about it too much. Pls choose on ur own time, dont let anyone pressure you cuz when problems start, they wont be there...... ur being choosy cuz u deserve the best........
speaking from experience, the girls with the most suitors marry later than the ones that don't get as many...
i haven't found the one and there is almost no day that a man doesnt work up to me professing one kind of love or the other. my phone was like a business center until i put my foot down. i wont waste time talking to men that are of no use to me at this point.
and, yes, i have been delivered...
can't say much else except pray pray and pray some more. also, never ever settle...
till then enjoy ur friends weddings, love stories, FB albums (like i've been doing) in the hopes that when your time comes too they will rejoice with u...
patiently waiting for the one,
Arewa.
Young lady, na wa oh! a lot have been said...and just to reinforce some of the comments you've received, i'll just say...keep waiting, God has not forgotten you...not sure how old you are but something tells me you're not so close to 30 yet...mid 20s i assume...
i know too many females that will testify to the fact that they've had their own fair share of suitors, but you never know how God is using your current single state to prepare you for marriage.
I do believe spiritual husbands exist...but can't automatically say that is what is responsible for your lack of a partner...but please understand that once you know Christ, you have a power and authority that is greater and stronger than any spiritual husband, tap into that source of power and release yourself if you feel like it maybe the case...
I agree with afrobabe jare. Everyone has her own time. just make sure you put it in prayer. I was marriage crazy last year, i even proposed to my bf who i had just met......of course he said no sha, lol. Everybody has their own time. Don't get scared!
Deariee, dont get too worked up about the spiritual hubby thing. Place your fears, worries n hopes into Gods arms.
Nothing is wrong with you.
spiritual husband is not ur portion abeg. when the time comes. THE LORD WILL PROVIDE U WITH UR HUSBAND. NO PRESSURE. PLEASE.
hey!
the 2009 Naija Bloggers' Awards have started!!
please click here to participate.
Not too sound too preachy here, but I find this passage applies to every aspect of life:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Rely on God and all things will work out in His time. Better not to ruch into marriage and end up miserable like one of my aunts did.
Take care of you hun.
the right one might still come around
the bottom line is, you marrying who you really love not because of marriage sake.
They say you have a spiritual husband, do you actually see men or a man in your dream?
lol@ u being under a curse. if you were then sooooooooooooooooooooooooo (cant emphasize more) are also cursed. If you like, u may go ahead and marry someone u're not interested in- i wldn't. Now i dont think u need to be inlove before marrying but at least let it be someone u like and u both have the same goals/dreams.
As for ur dream, my dear u're a grown woman. Take ur spiritual life serious- fast and get on ur knees and pray to God. God does answer and deliver 'small' people like us. Never under estimate the power of prayer and fasting.
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I havent been in blogsville for a while. So you were alone on valentine. so what? give yourself a manicure. paint your toenails.... i slept throughout the day.... It doesnt matter. would you rather spend the day with a guy whose only use is to keep you from being alone... ?
soon you will be spending valentine with someone you love, who loves you and all the other vals you ever had will seem inconsequential.
About the spiritual husband thing.. i have always being scared about that. esp since i have been told that i moan in my sleep... go figure.... but i dont really bliv all that stuff.
Do you know this song somewhere my baby waits for me by lisa stanfield... it was the soundtrack for the wedding planner. it describes the way we singles should feel.
Somewhere MY baby waits for me. he may be around the block or somewhere far away.... when i see lovers passin, i dont feel blue cos i know the things they're feeling.. i'll be feeling too.
Dont worry. somewhere your baby is waiting for you too. and when he finds you.. all the years you spent waiting will be worth it.
@all, Your comments were very helpful,Gracias...
Thanks guys for the nomination.
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