Mixed Signals...

Hello People.
How was ur weekend. Hope it was blast. Mine was just there but hey, I can’t complain! Am alive and well this beautiful Monday and there is every reason to be grateful for that, abi?

Thanks for your kind and as usual, sincere comments on this blog. I appreciate you all.

Today what gist do I have for you? Plenty as usual…you know how it is now, lol…lots of you have already dubbed me ‘The girl with a drama-filled love life’. Anyway, I no argue at all. I know you guys are right. My love life reach to act Nollywood home movie sef,lol…

This morning on my way to work. I was just thinking about everything that has been happening of late and before I knew what was happening, the tears were welling up in my eyes. Why are things not working out the way I want them to? Since my adolescent years up until now, I have never lacked male attention. In fact I get more than my necessary due. Unfortunately, most times, the attraction is not mutual. I get guys that are fallin over themselves to get my attention but who I don’t feel an iota of attraction for. It is a really rare thing for me to find a man who I love. In all my years of relationships with the opposite sex, I have only being in love with a few but the thing about me is that when I actually fall in love with a person, I fall really hard but then again, I don’t believe in stupid love o…as in mumu blind love wey no dey see road. You go know say man no send you yet you go dey die put for there. God forbid bad thing abeg!
I have been very lucky that the few men I have loved have reciprocated equally or even more sef. Well that is until now…until O.

God knows I love this man(O) with all my heart. My mum called it infatuation(I’ll come to that in a minute) but it is really sad and painful that he doesn’t feel the same way. He may have feelings for me like he claims but the truth which I have come to realize is that the feelings he claims to have are not as strong or deep as the ones I have for him.

Abeg, lemme stop lamenting and take you guys through what has been happening in the past few days.

So it was last Thursday that O dropped in to see me at work. He said he was coming back later on but I didn’t see him after that day up until this moment. I tried to resist the urge to call him up to find out if all was well but then I couldn’t stop myself from sending him a text yesterday.

“Was thinking you would have called or tried to see me this weekend. Its times like this that makes me really wonder if you truly care. Happy Sunday anyway”

He sent a reply:
“Traveled out of town for a training. I am actually in transit now. Miss you much…”

Hmmm…na wa o…I didn’t buy that excuse cos even if he had to travel, he should had mentioned it that day he came around, or even called to tell me. Everywhere in Naija has GSM network now even my remote little village so he can't say he doesn't have network wherever he is. I mean, he replied my text so what stops him from calling?

My prayer this morning was “Dear God please help me forget this guy. He is causing me too much heartache abeg…”

Other gists…

Saturday morning, I woke up very depressed. It was almost like I didn’t want to wake up if it wasn’t to O’s phone call so I just laid in bed feeling sorry for myself(yea, even I feel ashamed of myself,lol…). Finally I decided to send a text to Bobo Nice. I had recently told him about my feelings for O so I was sure he wouldn’t hassle or stress me with pleas to consider him like either B.G or K would. So I texted him: “Am bored and depressed. Don’t wanna stay home all day feeling sorry for myself. Would love to hang out. Are you free?”
In a few minutes, his call came. He was very worried about me and wanted to know why I was depressed but I told him it wasn’t stuff we could talk about over the phone and that I’d tell him when we see. He informed me that he had just gotten a new apartment and was heading over there to set things up so I offered to come help him set up and after we were through, we could hang out somewhere and talk over drinks. He liked the idea so as soon as we ended the call, I got out of bed and went to get ready to head over to his new place.

Later on, dressed up and on my way out of the house, my mum asked me where I was going to and I told her. She knew Bobo nice cos he had come to the house a couple of times and even called her on her birthday. So she asked “Hmmm…so it’s Bobo Nice now?” I knew exactly what she meant and I replied “Noooo! Mummy, Bobo Nice is just a friend now…you know that. although he wants something more but I don’t love him like that. He is almost like a brother to me”.
She said “But he is a good boy and he is very God fearing” I rolled my eyes “Mummy! I don’t love him like that!!” She laughed and joked in Ibo “My child, whoever did this to you it will not work for him/her o!” lol…I burst out laughing and said “It will not work o!” My mum like many other mothers is concerned and wants her first daughter to get married and since it isn’t as if there is a drought of suitors, she doesn’t understand why it is taking me so long to make a decision. I don’t blame her at all, even me, I don’t even understand myself,lol…

Anyway, she went on “So who is the person you love? The Edo boy?” I nodded.
She said, “You have known Bobo Nice for four years now, yet you don’t love him and this one you just met six months ago, you love him. My dear, what you are feeling is infatuation”
I laughed. “Infatuation? I don’t think so mum”.

How could this thing I feel be infatuation? This feeling is much deeper than any fleeting thing. I really, really care for O, imperfections and all. I don’t even care that one of his front teeth is broken (he had a bad fall when he was kid). Trust me, I used care about such things,lol…

Anyway after a few arranging and rearranging in Bobo Nice’s place, we went to a nearby eatery for lunch and there he asked.
“ So Aphro, what is depressing you?” I didn’t wish to discuss it again cos I didn’t want to make him feel bad. You know, you love a girl and she is telling you how she is feeling heartbroken over another guy and all that. That should make anybody feel bad so I declined from discussing it. I just shrugged off his question with “Oh that! I was just in a funny mood then. Don’t worry, am over it now. Am not feeling depressed anymore”
He didn’t buy my explanation and kept insisting that I tell him what the problem was.
So I asked “What if it is about another guy? Would you still want to hear about it?” He said “Sure…of cos! I want to hear every little detail”.
So I told him every thing. I emptied my heart and poured out all my troubles and frustrations of the past days. At the end of it all. He said to me. “Aphro, I’ll tell you the truth. When a guy says to a girl that he wants to take things a day at a time, he isn’t sure he wants to commit yet and probably has other options he is considering. I am not saying this cos I want you but because it is the truth”

Bobo Nice’s response only served to re-enforce what I already knew. O isn’t ready for serious commitment and even though on his last visit he had said otherwise, I am still not convinced. Even his attitude these past days don’t depict a man in love.

Is it just me who thinks that he is sending mixed signals?

I just want to be over him, serious!

I know he’s got a lot of fans but you guys, just look at things objectively abeg…is he treating me right?

Unexpected morning visit

Oh my God!
Guys guess who just left my office now.
O!
I was standing at the reception talking with a colleague when he walked in. My heart did a backflip, I swear. You know, it was just so unexpected like he is the last person I expected to see this morning.
I led the way to my office and thankfully, my colleague who I shared office with wasn’t around so we had all the privacy we needed.
Long and short of the tory is that. Bobo has been miserable for the past one week and doesn’t want me to give up on us easily. I told him, I had already given up and was trying to heal. He said he was going to pretend he didn’t hear that. “Trying to heal over what now?” he asked.

Anyway, he is ready to meet my folks and wants me to meet his mum but then again he still wants us to take things a bit slow. In his own words “Let’s us grow together Aphrodite”.
I asked him “O tell me the truth, do you think you are psychologically ready for marriage” and his reply was “Yes I am very ready”.
"I hope I am not pressuring you or anthing. I want my husband to be crazy about marrying me and not feel that that I pressured him into doing so"
"Babes, stop saying that now. I am crazy about you, serious!"

Me I don’t know what to do again o. I’m kinda confused. I am still very much in love with him. In fact lemme confess. He was sitting far from me o, but do you know when he left, I realized my panties were soaking wet. Kai dis my treacherous body!

He has left now. He had an official assignment outside the office and used the opportunity to drop by although he promised to come back as soon as he is through with the assignment.

The last thing he said to me before he left was “Aphrodite, I love you. I really do”.

Jesu!

STATUS REPORT

Woah! It’s been a while o. How una dey? I deliberately avoided blogville these past few days cos a lot has been on my desk and y’all know how distracting this place can be. Once you click, you can’t stop,lol…

I have been well o. Never knew I had so much emotional strength in me. Been holding on, even tho I must admit it’s been very tough for me. I havn’t called O since our last encounter. He called once tho, I think on Saturday morning. He didn’t say anything new anyway. Talked about how he loved me but needs to put certain things in place first(things like getting his place o) before talking about marriage. I told him that I understood very well that he wasn’t psychologically ready for marriage. He said No, that it was more like physically ready not psychologically ready. Anyway after that brief conversation over the phone, he hasn’t called again till now and today is what? Wednesday! He sent a text yesterday evening tho :“To say I miss you is a huge understatement. This has been one of the most difficult periods for me, being away from you. I believe things will still work out for us”
Na wa for this guy o. His actions does not convey what he is saying. Na im sabi joo! I don’t intend to reply him anyway but if I say that my feelings for him are dead then I would be lying. I don’t know if I’ll be able to be all mean and cold if I see him face to face,lol…



So on to other tory…

I may just have chased X away for good o…

Okay, thing is that I have been a bit blue of late cos of O’s issues and all and somehow too, I have also been venting my frustrations on X. Not that I have said anything o but my actions have said it all.


X’s mum has been in his place for close to two months now. She came visiting from the East. X actually informed me the day she arrived that his mum was round and that he would love for me to visit and meet her cos she has been asking of me and all(yea, he’s told her about me. His popsie is late). I agreed that I was going to come see her but truth is I never had plans to. I just didn’t want to argue with him but two months down the line and she preparing to leave back to the east. The pressure from X to see her mounted.

Last week, X had told me that she was leaving on Sunday(last Sunday) and I promised to come by on Saturday. Friday evening he called to confirm if I was still coming the next day. I was in a foul mood(mourning my relationship with O) and wasn’t in the mood to see X so I lied that I was going to the market to shop for the house and I wouldn’t be able to make it. Maybe at a corner of my mind, was the hope that O would call and ask that we see that Saturday and talk things over so I wanted to leave the day free for him. Maybe, I said o!lol…

Anyway, I didn’t go to see X’s mum and she left. Monday evening, when he closed for the day, X dropped into my office. I must confess again, I was a bit cold towards him. He sat for a while and when he saw I wasn’t talking to him. He got up and said he was leaving. I just nodded my head, like I didn’t care. Since that Monday, he hasn’t called or dropped by again. Not sure I miss him tho but I definitely miss the attention ;)



Ehen, I told you guys, I talked to Bobo Nice abi?
That was like two weeks ago.

So I had called Bobo Nice like a week before that day, after I received that call from SL(Strange lady). I was really upset with him for giving her my number to call and plead with me to marry him. He was shocked when he learnt that she had called me cos according to him he didn’t give her my number or ask her to call. What happened was that, she had visited him and was going through his phone when she saw my name and asked him who I was. He had told her about me. How he loved me but I wasn’t reciprocating and all. She told him that she could call and talk to me for him but he said he didn’t want that cos he knew I wouldn’t like it. He didn’t know she copied my number all the same and called.
I believed him sha. Bobo nice wasn’t the type to lie about something like that but when he said he was going to call S.L and berate her for what she did. I told him not to and that he should just it go cos I felt she did what she did in good spirit and felt she was being a good friend. He finally agreed to forget about it after which I told him that we needed to sit down and talk about the issue. He said okay and we agreed to meet the following weekend.

That Saturday, we met up at a pizza place and in between munching pizza and coke. I told him about O and how I felt about him. He already knew about X and he knew also when we broke up but I told him that X was staging a comeback and that I was considering him since things may not work out with O cos of his tribe and my folks. He felt really bad cos I wasn’t even considering him but I told him that I loved him as a friend and I didn’t have any romantic feelings towards him. I encouraged him to give other girls a chance and see where it leads to. We talked for very long o! At the end of it all sha, when we hugged and said our goodbyes, I felt kinda relieved and even though I knew he had been hurt, I was sure he realized It was all for the best. We promised to keep in touch with each other and agreed that nothing stopped us from hanging out once in a while.

So that’s the latest with Bobo nice.



Then B.G…

Kai! I have never met a more unrelenting guy in my whole entire life, I swear.
Even though I broke up with him when I started seeing O. He has never stopped hoping that we would still come back together.
These days, he sends me text messages at least four times a day. One in the morning asking how my night was. One in the afternoon, asking how my day is going, another one late evening asking if I got home okay. Then one last one at night, wishing me a good night’s rest. Besides, he still calls at least once in the day just to hear my voice, he says,lol…Na wa for this thing called love o! Why can’t one love a person that loves him/her equally? Things would be lots easier that way or don’t you guys think so?

Then again recently, B.G seems to have gotten it into his head that somehow he was responsible for our break-up. I have tried to reassure him several times that he wasn’t the cause. I met somebody else, fell in love and that was it! Although when I think about it more deeply, it was probably something that I found lacking in B.G and which O had that attracted me to him in the first place.

For instance, I like my man to dress sharp and smell nice. B.G is kinda like a sloppy dresser. When I met him, he was much worse but I tried to get him to pay more attention to his looks. I must give it to him that he tried to change a bit but then he still didn’t get to the level I wanted. I so hate a man wearing torn, ‘It was white’ singlets and jeans with dirty hems that looked like they hadn’t been washed in ages. B.G was like that. O on the other hand sure knows how to pull it off. Even when he is dressed in a Tee and jeans, he still looks & smells edible,lol…same goes for X too. He is also a good dresser.


Then again, just before i broke up with B.G, I had reason to travel to his place(as in his villa) cos of his mum's burial. Meen, what i saw enhhh! I didn't like at all. The way they lived in their place. One compound with a lot of extended families. To me, that is the perfect recipe for plenty wahala cos one doesn't even have his/her own privacy. My mother's father's compound was like that and i know all the troubles and diabolical activities that went down before my grandpa had to ask his brother's and their families to find their squareroot,lol...

I talked to B.G about it and his response sealed my mind for me. He didn't see anything bad with it. In fact he even preferred the whole 'Communal living' style. Na so i pack my kaya, pick race,lol...


So on that note, maybe somehow he (B.G) was partly responsible for me breaking up with him. Now he is begging me to give him another chance, I am very reluctant cos you all know what they say about adults. “It is hard to learn how to use the left hand when you are grown up”. That's an Ibo adage which means that it is hard to change an adult cost they are already set in their ways so it’s either I accept B.G the way he is or forget about him totally cos trying to change him may not be possible.

I know I promised to yarn about doctor but pls guys, lets leave that for the next post. I am trying to make my posts short these days, lol…as if this one never long pass river Nile sef.

Am out abeg, we go dey see for yonder…

The talk.

I didn’t wait too long before O calls to say he was outside my house. I quickly freshen up and rush outside to meet him. We walk to our usual spot at the end of my close. No one is around cos it’s late and everyone is in the comfort of their homes so we have all the privacy we need.
I have this serious look on my face which he notices and tries to get me to loosen up. “Ha, aphro why the strong face now? Looosen up now…oya give me a smile, smileee now…”
I try to smile but I know it isn’t convincing cos the smile feels fake even to me. He shrugs and goes “Okay so what is this thing we need to talk about”.

I can’t recount what I said to him word for word but I can summarize it.
So I tell him how I feel he hasn’t been showing enough commitment in our relationship cos If I don’t call, he won’t call. How I feel I am the one trying to make the relationship work. How I need to know what exactly he has in mind for the relationship cos it’s been since months now and I believe a six months old baby has started crawling at least and taking solid foods so we need to establish a course for our relationship. How I felt by now he should know if I was the kind of woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and vice versa. I also tell him about my discussion with my mum and her reaction but that I needed to know what he was thinking before starting an unnecessary war with my folks.

After talking for a while, I stop and look at him to see if he is getting the message. He looks at me amused then says “Go on now, am listening…”
I reply “But I just said a lot now and I want you to respond to all I said”
Then he chuckles quietly, adjusts himself properly on the pavement floor where we are seated and speaks.
“Aphro, you know how I feel about you. You know my people love you already. My mum and brothers havn’t met you but they are always asking about you. My sister likes you…”
I cut in “That is not what am asking you. This is not about ur family but about you and me. What do you really want? I need to know”
“Aphro, I love you and I will love to marry you. How can I not want that? You are a great person and I can wake up to your face everyday for the rest of my life but I am scared. I'm scared your parents will not accept me. Look at what you just said about your mum’s reaction. I have always wanted to marry into a family that accepts and loves me and I don’t want to be a problem for you and your family. I don’t want you to hate me later on in life for putting you against your parents”
My head is bent down and I am quietly listening to him but my mind is working seriously.
He goes on.
“What happens if I come to ask for your hand and they reject me? What happens then aphro?”
I look up at him. The sadness in my heart threatening to break out as tears from my eyes but I steel myself before I begin to talk.
“I have heard all you said. Whether they accept you or not doesn’t arise now. The main issue should be is this what you and I want? If we are both sure that we want to be together then facing my parents is the next step. I am not thinking of the problems I may encounter in your family. Am not worrying If they will accept me or not or if they will change their attitude towards me later. You are not ibo but am not thinking whether I will be able to adjust to your culture or not. All that are secondary issues. The main issue is Do I want to be with this man for the rest of my life? Anyway my interpretation of all you just said to me is that you are not ready for marriage and you are just trying to use my parents as an excuse. It is okay. The last thing I will do is to marry a man who doesn’t want it as much as I do. I should have talked to you first before bringing it up with my mum. Maybe it wouldn’t have been necessary to tell her about you in the first place”

At this point, he tries to pull me into his arms as he speaks
“Aphro, is that your own interpretation of what I said? It is not true at all. Am not trying to use your parents as an excuse. All am saying is the truth. I know how you feel about me. Infact if I was in doubt before, your actions today and what you just said now has just dispelled that. You say you shouldn’t have discussed me with your mum today but I think it is a good thing. I am happy that you did. I just know that there will be problems. Your parents will see me as an intruder which I don’t want…”

I cut in.
“You know what? I am not convinced you love me enough. I will tell you something. The guy I broke up with when I met you, B.G. He wanted to marry me but I wasn’t sure I wanted that and anytime he brought up the issue, I always told him that my parents won't accept him cos he wasn’t catholic and he is not from my place. Do you know what he would say? He would say to me “Aphro, forget about ur parents. If you love and accept me, your parents will have no choice but to accept me. That is a man in love. O, that is a man in love!”

I stop at this point. There is a palpable silence. I glance sideways at him and he looks really quiet and deep in thought. I know that what I just said has touched a raw nerve. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned B.G. I know how men hate to be compared with other men and O really hates it. Anyway, I needed to stress my point and that was the best way I could do it. It may have been a wrong way but I have done it. All there was to do now was to wait for him to speak. It was a long wait but he finally did when I started sobbing silently.

“*Clearing his throat* I have heard all you said Aphro. You know I hate been compared with anybody but it’s okay. I have heard you. Maybe I was seeing things differently from the way you are seeing it. You are upset now so i don’t want us to continue this. I need to digest everything that has gone down here and you need to calm down too so maybe we should just stop talking about this now okay?”

By now, am sobbing even harder but I respond still.
“I have always dreamt that when i would get married, it would be a romantic marriage proposal where my man would go down on his knees and ask me to marry him and I would jump on him and say yes. This is not how I wanted it. I shouldn’t be the one asking you if you want to spend your life with me or not..."

He stands up and pulls me up into his arms. I hug him tightly and look up at him with tear filled eyes still speaking.
“I understand if you want to think about it... It’s okay…”
“No, It’s not that. I don’t need to think about it…I just think that emotions are high now. I love you baby, I do even if you do not believe it…”
Wiping my eyes, I glance at the clock on my mobile phone.
“You need to start going now. It’s getting really late”

We walk back towards the house in silence. At the front of my house, we stare at each other. I don’t know if he expects a good night kiss. I want to kiss him but I know the mood is not right so I turn away and walk into my gate. He also gets into his car and drives off.

That was Tuesday night.

Wednesday all day, I expected his call but he never called. Got a text from him as I was preparing to leave for home in the evening. It read-

“I have not been myself since our talk last night. I don’t wanna lose you, the mere thot of it renders me clueless as to how life would be without you-unbearable”

I didn’t reply it though...didn’t know what to say.

I am typing this post on Friday morning and till this moment he hasn’t called or sent another text. I have decided to let him be. It is hard but I won’t call or text either. Let him take all the time he needs. Marriage is an important step; I do not expect him to take it if he isn’t ready.

Just that he may not find me willing when he finally decides to.

There is still plenty gist o. I haven't told you guys I talked with Bobo Nice. Then there is B.G too who of late has been sending sweet text messages to me asking that I have a rethink about us. Aha! There is Doctor too. I have never blogged about him before. He is currently in the UK doing a course but will be back in the country sooon.

So guys, keep a date next week for more tory(Una like gist well well o,lol...)

Great weekend everyone.

Out in the Open finally...

Before I start today’s post, I’ll like to say this.
I do not write these stuff about my love life because I don’t have a mind of my own and I need people to tell me what to do.
No!
The reason I come here to post happenings in my love life is for the sole reason that nobody knows it all. It is always good to have a neutral opinion about issues. One could be thinking one thing based on one’s understanding and another person comes up with an entirely different perspective of the same issue and you realize that things are not exactly how you initially thought them to be.
Most times, it is the person who stands at the side watching a fight that can actually give a correct account of what led to the fight and which party was at fault not the one who was involved in the fight himself.
I find that a lot of times from the comments you leave I have been enlightened further or my eyes have been opened wider to see certain things in a different light than I initially did. You my friends, have been really awesome so far and I do not regret starting this blog or sharing my experiences with you. Not at all. I will continue to write them down and I hope you continue to bless me with your intelligent comments.
Thank you my dears.
Aphro.

Phew!
Finally got that little speech over with.
Now to today’s post.

It turns out that X didn’t put me on suspension afterall.
Okay lemme start with O.
The whole of that day (Monday), I didn’t pick his calls or reply his messages till late evening when I got back from work. By then I was beginning to feel sorry for him so when he called again for the umpteenth time that night, I answered. He sounded really worried and asked if there was any problem and why I hadn’t been picking his calls. I said there was no problem and that I had been busy all day. Then he asked why I didn’t return his calls when I saw them and I said I didn’t want to. From my reply, he knew something was up and kept asking me what it was. I finally caved in and said I was mad at him for not calling me all through Sunday. His reply was that he thought I would call if I was free but I didn’t so he felt I had other plans. I said
“hmm…hmmm, na so!” He sha apologized and I said he shouldn’t bother cos there was nothing to apologize for. Then he asked if we could talk during happy hour (free midnight call time). I said he could call if he was awake. Conversation ended. He didn’t call that night. I guess he over slept. I didn’t call too although I was awake.

Oh! Before I forget. I called X that Monday night too. Had some spare credit on my phone and felt wharrahel, lemme just lhim and feel his pulse. It was a very brief one.
Me: Hello…
X: Hello…
Me: What’s up? Are you okay?
X: Yea I am…
Me: Okay, I just called to make sure you were okay cos I haven’t heard from you all these while. Good nigh…
X: Am fine. How is Mum, Dad and everybody…
(I didn't let him finish. If he was that concerned about my folks he should have called to enquire about how they were doing and not wait till I call to start asking me long questions)
Me: Everybody is fine. Good night.
X: Okay Good night. Will see you tomorrow…
Click.(line dropped.)

Next morning (Tuesday). I was still trying to settle in for the day’s work when X dropped in. I looked up and said “So the reason you dropped in today was cos I called you last night abi? If I didn’t call you, you probably won’t be here this morning”.
He tried to refute what I said and explained that he had been very busy as they had been having training since the previous week in his office and he was in charge of co-ordinating things.
I wasn’t accepting that excuse though. “So your training extended even to your house after work? What happened to all those times you dropped in after work? Anyway whether you admit or not, I know that the only reason you came here this morning is cos I called you last night”
He would not agree with that. “It’s not true baby. I have been very busy. Okay am very sorry please forgive me. You know I don’t like it when you are angry”.
I looked at his face. “Me, angry?! Nooo, for what now. No need to apologise ke”.
After some awkward minutes of silence. He goes “Okay, I have to get back to the office now. I’ll see you later”.
I nod my head and he turns to leave but stops suddenly.
“Ehen! how are we celebrating your birthday?”My birthday is coming up soon-September 2nd. I was impressed he remembered but I reply nonchalantly.
“My birthday? I’m not celebrating”
“I’ll like to take you on a trip to Ghana”
“Ghana? I don’t think I want to go anywhere…”
He stares at my hand on the table and says “And I have something I want to give you but it has to wait till then”
Next he lifts my hand off the table, holds my ring finger and asks “Hmm…what size of ring do you wear?”
In my head. Am already doing the logic & reasoning.
“Why are you asking?"
“Nothing just wanted to know…”
“Anyway, I don’t know the size…”
I give him this odd look. He has a funny smile on his face. “It’s okay. Don’t worry” he says and turns and leaves finally.
I look at the closed door in alarm.
OH MY GOD…HE WANTS TO GIVE ME AN ENGAGEMENT RING ON MY BIRTHDAY!
I feel the panic rise in my throat and my mind goes into a riot.
Yeee…Things are getting serious. It’s high time I make a decision what road to take and stick to it o! What if he gives me an engagement ring? What do I do? Accept it…or reject it? I don’t even have the answer to that. I want to get married and X is not a bad guy but O…ha O!..I love O! But does he love me as well? Does he think am worth sharing the rest of his life with? Maybe he doesn’t love me like that. Aphrodite stop jumping to conclusions. Talk to him first. Gauge his reaction. That should give you a clue as to what to do next.

All these were the thoughts going on in my mind.

Finally, I arrive at a conclusion.
I need to have that talk with O again.
This time I was not going to take “let’s take it a day at a time” for an answer. It is either he wants or he doesn’t want. Six months is enough time for him to know if he wanted this relationship to be a permanent one or not.
My mind made up to talk with O, I calmed down and faced the day’s work

I was in the middle of work when he called me. O i mean.
He apologized for not staying awake to call as promised the previous night. I said it was okay. He noticed I wasn’t sounding too bright and he asked “Aphro what is the matter? Are you still angry with me?” “Nothing is the matter. Just that we need to talk” I replied.
“Talk? About what? Tell me what it is” I could feel the rising curiosity in his voice.
“It’s not a telephone conversation. We’ll talk when we see”
“Okay, I’ll try to leave the office early and come by to see you at home this evening. Is that okay?”
“Yea, it is. See you then”
“Bye”

Throughout the rest of the day. I kept thinking about the impending discussion with O and how I was going to present the issue.I didnt want it to look like i was a desperado for marriage or anything like that. I even chatted with a close girlfriend about it. She had never being a fan of O and kept telling me “Aphro fashi dat guy, he is not going to marry you”. However when I gisted her about how O spent the night at the hospital recently with me when I was admitted for one day (Sorry I didn’t blog about that). She had a change of heart and said she didn’t know he was that caring. She also agreed with me that it was necessary to talk with him and determine exactly where the relationship was heading.

Buoyed by my chat with my friend. I was ready for 'The Talk'

I got home that evening to find my mum in the mood for a chat. She asked how my day went and I found myself telling her everything. She already knew X was staging a comeback in my life but she didn’t know how serious things were. I have never been more open on love issues with my mum as I was that evening. I told her about how I wasn’t feeling the love for X as I used to. How I think he is planning to propose to me on my birthday. The Ghana trip. Then I told her my biggest secret these past six months. I told her about O.
How he was the one I loved now. How nice he was and that he works in a bank. She seemed cool with my gist until I mentioned he was Edo but his mother was Ibo. She sat up straight, looked me in the eye and said “Why do you always like to go the negative way?”
I'm like “How mum?” She goes on. “Edo? God forbid! Let them use their witchcraft and kill my daughter for me, no way!”
I know better than to argue so I let her finish talking before I start explaining the connection O has with uncle 1004. Remember I had said in an earlier post- The pleasant surprise that O’s aunt(his mother’s younger sister) is married to my uncle(Mum’s relation). After my explanation. Mum calms down a bit. She didn’t look like she was ready to kill anyone anymore,lol…but she goes on to advise me to forget about O and stick with X because the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know(her words exactly).
I say “Mum, but you haven’t met him yet now…” She says “Why do I have to meet him? There is no point. Nne you can’t go to Edo please”. She goes on to lecture me about Edo people and how they are known for diabolical stuffs. I listen in silence. After a while she says. “Talk to your father about it, let us hear what he has to say”
I go “Haa…I can’t o! You want him to kill me?!! Mum you tell him for me”
She laughs. “Nooo! Tell him yourself”
Shaking my head vigorously and saying “Noooooo” I get up and head to my room. I needed to change and wait for O.

Sorry guys. I have to continue this post later. Damn! it is too long as it is already and my fingers are numb from typing. Promise to be back sooner than you think. Gist plenty ooooo...so stay tuned,lol...

Expecting to read your sincere intelligent comments as usual.

xxkissesxx

Suspension for O & X

Hello everyone.
Am back and better! Thanks for all the beautiful, insightful comments you left on my previous post. You can’t possibly know how much I appreciate all of them. May God continue to bless every one of you and grant your heart’s desires, AMEN!!!

The latest gist now is this- X and O are on suspension,lol…

Okay more like, X put me on suspension and I put O on suspension.

Let me add more flesh to the gist…before I start, I must warn you all that this is going to be one of my usual long assed post so get urself some salt&sugar popcorn, than sit back and read,lol...

Starting with X…

The Friday(before my last post). I was back at home from work and just lying in bed when X’s call came in. He was like “Babes, are you home? I want to see you”. I said okay fine. Then he asked if I wanted him to get me Suya (he knows I have a soft spot for suya,lol…), I said it was okay.

I was still waiting for X to come when O called me. While on the phone with O. X’s call came in but I didn’t answer it since I was still talking with O. Just as I ended the conversation with O, X call came in again. This time I answered and he said he was outside my house so I went out to meet him.

When I got outside, he handed over the Suya and drink to me. I took it and thanked him. Then he said “I called you before, didn’t you see my call?” . I was like “yeah, I did…I was on the phone then”. “So why didn’t you call me back when you were through with your call” he continued. I said “Cos you called almost immediately”. Then he went on about how long he had been waiting outside my gate and all. I was getting pissed and asking myself if the Suya and Coke was worth listening to his lamentations,lol… Anyway sha, after a while he now chilled and we talked about some other stuffs. He didn’t seem like he was in a hurry to leave and I wanted him to cos O had said he may come see me that evening if he was able to round up his work on time. So I told him I was busy with some stuffs inside the house and I had to get back inside. He said okay and moved closer to give me a kiss but I turned my head away. He was like “What is it? Cant I give you a kiss?” I retorted “Must you give me a kiss every time we see?" Then he said “We need to have a serious talk, You know what i want(marriage) but I don’t understand your attitude to me at times. Can we see tomorrow?” I wasn’t sure what O’s plans were for the weekend and I didn’t want to couldn’t commit myself to seeing X the next day so I said, “Maybe, if am around, we will see” He didn’t like my answer and kept pressuring me to be more definite but I kept saying maybe, maybe as I headed back inside my compound. He drove off resignedly.

That weekend, O had to go to work but he came around in the evenings for an hour or so. I didn’t pick X’ calls all through that weekend. I knew he wanted an answer to his marriage proposal and I didn’t have an answer for him yet. I know it’s not fair to keep a man hanging like that and it was quite selfish of me but I avoided him all weekend.

I must say it here that since that weekend. X hasn’t called me or dropped by even though his office is just opposite mine and I know he’s been coming to work cos I see his car outside everyday. Once, I called him at night but he didn’t answer his call. He may have been asleep but then he must have seen my missed call when he woke up but he never called back so I have decided to let him be. Maybe that is the way God wants to resolve the matter.

Now to O and his own suspension…

After reading some of your comments on my last post especially doll who said, it was obvious that I am into O more than he is into me. I had to ask myself certain pertinent questions and then decided to lay low for a while and not call him or contact him and see how it all plays out.
I did that post last Tuesday right?

So Tuesday, I didn’t call. He didn’t call.
Wednesday, I didn’t call, he didn’t call as well.
By this time, I was like so I have been the one keeping this relationship alive all this while? So if I don’t call, he won’t call enh? Okay oo…

Thursday morning, he called.
“Baby I havn't heard from you for a while. What’s happening now? Anyway I got you ur gizzard”(There is this woman that brings smoked gizzard to their office and he had bought some for me once which I liked)
I said “Oh how sweet of you dear. Will pass by your office and pick it on my way home” His office is on my way home.

As promised, on my way home, I stopped by his office. I deliberately put up a cold attitude when he came out and didn't give him a hug or kiss like I used to. I was all formalish, asked him about work and other stuff. He noticed and was like he didn’t like my attitude after all he left his work and came down to see me and all am giving him is this cold attitude. In my head, I was like see this guy o, Me that came all the way to see you nko? Is that not a bigger deal than you that just came out of ur office? Anyway I didn’t say anything. I just said I was not feeling too well. We didn’t spend much time together cos he had to go back to his work and I had to go home.

Friday, I didn’t call. He didn’t call too. Friday night, I called him cos I needed to know if we would be hooking up during the weekend as planned. He had promised me when I complained about his having to work every weekend that we would hang out together this weekend.
So I called, but he didn’t answer. He was probably sleeping cos it was quite late at night then.

Saturday morning he called me. He explained that he was fast asleep and didn’t hear his phone ring. Then he asked me what the plan was? I was like how do you mean? He said “Do you want to see me today”. I don’t know why I felt pissed at that moment. Maybe it was all the long days of silence or maybe I felt like he took it for granted that I didn’t have any other thing to do except wait for him to decide to see me.
So I told him , I had other plans and it wouldn’t be possible to see him. It felt good to burst his bubble. He was like okay, I guess I have to find something else to do. That was not quite the reaction I wanted. I wanted him to feel sad and even try to talk me out of my supposed plans but no, the bobo didn’t even raise issues. So I said “Why are you calling me on Saturday morning to ask what the plans are? I could have other plans too…” He cut in “But I told you last week that we would spend this weekend together, anyway it’s okay, go ahead with ur plans”

I was at the market later that evening when he called and he was like he had been expecting my call. I said I had been busy and planned to call him later. I asked what he was up to and he said he was at his brother’s place cos he couldn’t go have fun by himself without me. I was touched small sha,lol…

I didn’t call him later that night. He didn’t call either.

Sunday was pretty boring but I resisted the urge to call him. I thought he would call but he didn’t. At the last minute, I packed my stuff and headed over to the salon to do my nails. At least the day wouldn't be wasted.

At night, when I hadn’t still heard from him, I sent a text:
“Hey, how are you babes, How did your day go?”
He didnt reply immediately and i fell asleep.
This morning i saw his reply “My day was okay. How was urs?”

So I have deleted his number from my phone(Okay I admit I left it on my second phone,lol…). It has become very obvious that we are not operating on the same frequency so until he gives me reason to believe otherwise. He is on suspension starting today.

Catch you all larer…

PS: Am still doing the thinking and praying o...

UPDATE
O just sent me a text now.
"How are you pooky?(whatever does pooky mean?) I asked how your day was yesterday but you didn't reply. Been a busy bee lately, havn't you? It's okay, I understand. I'm often guilty of that . Miss you lots. O"

He has obviously noticed there is some changes but wants to put it down to me being busy. Okay ooo, he is still on suspension so i won't reply or do I?

Settling...

Mummy said to me recently…
“Aphrodite, my dear, I would love for you to get married soon and to someone from our place. It is a thing of pride for a mother who’s daughter marries from home and not from faraway. However, I don’t mind if the man is not from our town but he has to be of the same tribe as us. A first daughter doesn’t go too far from home, you hear?”

I heard her loud and clear.

These past few days, its becoming more and more imminent that I may have to say ‘yes’ to X. O hasn’t asked anything yet so there is no question to say yes to. I know where my heart lies but it is unfortunate that I have to make a decision that may not be in line with my heart’s desire.

X is not a bad guy. He is actually good to me and I think he will make me a good husband. I may never get to know what kind of husband O will make. I used to love X, am sure I can still rekindle that love and make the best of married life with him after all it is said that if life hands you lemons, you make lemonade out of them!
I might as well try to make lemonade out of my lemons.

Love, everyone says is a decision.
I did not choose to fall in love with O. It just happened!
But I chose to fall out of love with X then. Maybe I can try to fall back into love with him again.

I know some of you my friends may feel that am ‘settling’. Maybe I am. The truth is that I really want to settle down and have those beautiful babies and if X is the man, so be it! For many girls, X could be the man of their dreams. Is it becos there is O and I am opportuned to have choices that I do not know that I should appreciate what God has presented before me?

I don’t need a soothsayer to tell me that my parents will not accept O simply because he is not Ibo. X is not from my town but at least he is Ibo and my family already know him and do not have anything against him.

I must admit also that I am a bit scared of waddling into unknown rivers. Marrying a man from a different tribe scares me really. They may have some strange culture and traditions that doesn’t tally with my own beliefs and values as a person. What happens then? Call it cowardice but the truth is I am more comfortable amongst my own.

I haven’t said anything to O yet. I don’t even know how to bring the issue up. X has been waiting patiently for an answer to his proposal. I don’t know how long his patience will last.

I wanted so much to find the kind of mind-consuming, heart skipping love I desired which was why I named this blog-‘Girl in search of love’ . Just when it seems I had found what I wanted. I have to let it go.

It’s so sad…
:(