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Monday, March 23, 2009

Pain...

Guys...
My heart just broke as in literally shatter to pieces.
I thought it was already broken and I was trying to put the pieces back together...
I thought the worst was over and it could never get any more painful or worse...
But the pain I feel right now is even worse than the one I felt before.
The ache I feel in my heart is so real...
So real, I can almost touch it.

I didnt know he still had the power to hurt me like this.
Was it that somewhere in my heart, I still hoped...
or maybe somehow I still cared even when I told myself otherwise?

Why then did that little phrase I just saw on his FB page affect me so?
Why did I feel like the world was pulled off from under my feet when I read it?
I wont lie...
My eyes stung from trying to hold back the tears.
My heart beat increased from anxiety...

It was only a short phrase...
a short phrase on his FB page...
a short phrase that hurt me and broke my heart all over again...
A short phrase that said...
"In a relationship"

Of course, I didnt expect him to live a hermit's life.
I even suspected it was another woman all along...
but it still came as a shock(don't know why)

I confess
I secretly hoped...
Prayed...
That he was pining away...
missing me terribly...

Lol...
A silly wish, I know

But guys...

He used to profess undying love to me...

We made all those crazy plans for our future together...

Its only natural that I feel this way, right?

You know that part that hurts the most?

All through the months we dated, he never put it up there
on Facebook that he was in a relationship.

Maybe I should just take him off my FB friends list.

What do y'all feel?

:(
:( :(

61 comments:

Funms-the rebirth said...

big hugs darling....... im so sorry ur hurting like this.... i have felt like this before and u know what i did, i removed him from my fb list cuz everytime i saw it, it hurt so bad.....the pain will go away soon but u need to realise it means he's moved on. we never know how much we r still hurting until something else happens like this... take it easy luv and be strong....xx

Tigeress said...

dang Funms!

Tigeress said...

babes, u didnt X him?!!! WTF!!!?? what is he still doing on ur FB friends list? X him!!!

U need to completely cut all forms of communications with him so u dont know whats going on in his life. So u're not tempted to contact him. Delete his emails in the delete folder, sent folders, old texts etc.

Pele my dear. one day u'll get over him.

Aphrodite said...

@funms, thanks dear...thanks...
@tigeress,I thought I was over him already. Guess i just have to take ur advice.Thanks babes.

BSNC said...

wow i can't say i feel what you are going through now, but i can imagine. just try and take things. you should remove him from your facebook page, it ll make things a little bit easier

Chari said...

(((hugs)))

yeah i think you need to remove him from your fb list....you dont need to be reopening the wounds every now and then...

Hang in there love...joy comes after mourning...

Repressed One said...

Aww take heart girl!!

I've been where you are [maybe a little less intense] even tho' its been years since me and him. I saw the status and it just did me one kain. U know what i did? I left him on there. I figured its my problem and i need to learn to deal with it.

Why should you scurry away and hide from it? Stare at it if you have to till you get used to the idea.

My 2shillings.

Sugabelly said...

Delete it. It's the only way. You need to withdraw from him until your scars are healed. And then you can try facing him again when you're stronger. It's natural to feel pain, but know this: you WILL be alright in the end, no matter how long it takes, one day you will wake up and the pain will be gone. I know, I've gone through it.

JustDB said...

Guess its not the end of the world anyways..... First action should have been to take the dude off your FB list or removing him from your home page feed. Maybe you should consider yourself lucky that he won't get another chance to toy with you!

Dabizniz said...

yup take him off your fb and move on. It hurts but you need to move on to heal

Temite said...

Hello Dear....awwww I am soooo sorry. Pele...One day...you too will feel berra. I actually think you should leave it on it could lead to intense anger. That is what I do. Everytime your heart feels soppy about him, look at it, and realize that he doesnt care, which turns into anger, then hatred, then not caring. That is the TEMITE way, although it sounds slightly masochistic. Anyhoos give it a go. Hurt a lot and cry and cry so you can move on properly. XOXO

rethots said...

....once upon a 'love', the feelings never die off completely; why a tough but, brilliant prayer will be -that i might not fall in love with the wrong person or re-phrased,
that the first person i fall in love will be it.

Arewa said...

darling please delete him from your FB page... i dont believe in burning bridges but i believe in my sanity. seeing his new conquest necking him on his profile pic wont do u any good. delete him and work on yourself. there is someone for everyone, just be yourself and let God sort u out.

Afrobabe said...

Babe if his status update can do this to you then take him off ur page cs I'd hate to see what pics of them together will do..

Take it easy..you will meet someone better and wonder how you ever thought you loved him....

Ms Sula said...

Big Hugs and kisses darling... It might hurt now, but believe me it's for the best...

Trust me when I say that in 6 months time, you'll look back on these posts and smile and even laugh... Yours is yet to come.

Take care, darling.

s.chic said...

lady, if it makes you feel better to take him off...then u should...

Jayla. said...

babe u need to x him, like afro said if an update can do this to u then pics would definitely push u over d edge. You will be fine.


((hug hug))

blogoratti said...

Hang in there..

Brown Sugar said...

OMG! i remeber being in the same exact situtation. Just seeing that status that read in a relationship made me feel as tho my heart was no longer stationary, i felt as tho it was almost being torn out. Sometimes i think back and the memory of the pain still lingers....you'll get over it. Have hope

Nice Anon said...

I know how you feel for i did feel that way once. You will look back on all of these and laugh about it in the future. You will be fine. Delete him and it is normal for you to feel the way you do. Nothing is wrong with it. Now move on in your own pace. Let yourself heal before dating anyone else.

Scarlet said...

Sorry u feeling so heartbroken...cheer up luv...you will be just fine.
I also think you need to eradicate(as in abolish,remove,get rid of) every evidence of him and the past from your life; at least for now so that you can get over him properly.
Let yourself heal in what every way is best for you
*Big higs*

neema divine said...

its very natural to feel that way. but you gotta move one. such is life. if you let this put you down then you'll never give yourself the chance to find someone who really cares for you.

Buttercup said...

awwwww...i can just imagine...gosh, im sorry sweetie..

please, delete and block! u dont need his business rubbed in ur face!

mizchif said...

Eeeeya. Sorry dear. I really don't have much to add, but just stay strong. Your own will come, just tell yourself he wasn't meant for you you.

Take things easy ok.

O'Dee said...

Take heart dear.
Just take him off your FB friends list, so you wont be bothered bout his activities.

Aphrodite said...

@everyone, OMG...
I'm humbled by ur concern and comments.
I feel so much better than i did yesterday.
Thanks friends.

LG said...

ehen, even if u take him off ur FB list, una nor go jam for road?!?!?
Nne i don tire to tel u say 'ur own na ur own' Haba!!!! no make baba God vex for u o' u asked Him for sumthing, He's abt sending IT; now u wan change the address??
Makawhy?? i say...let go n let God
(i nu na??) oya clean ya face
:-)

LG said...

...ur own na ur own

Rita said...

Oh dear...sorry...

You know the part that pained me? "All through the months we dated, he never put it up there
on Facebook that he was in a relationship..."

Do you want to delete him from FB? He'll need to see your status changed to married...

If you cannot take the hurt anymore, pls delete him from FB fast fast...

Ms. emmotions said...

...at the risk of sounding 'i told u ', the signs been there all along,
no to worry tho, it will go away...the pain i mean and guess wat? it makes us betta persons, u will see, u will do just fine, i trust u and hugs***

Aphrodite said...

@LG,lol...u clown!
Okay a nu gom...

@rita,lol...removed him already...let his sis and bros(yes they still are on my FB list)gist him when it happens.

ms.emmotions, i know dearie, i know...thanks.

wordmerchant said...

awww...sorry hun but lg has said it all.

justdoyin said...

sorry darling...but while I think I understand what deleting him 4rm ur fb might do, I don't think that's d solution...u can still meet in a million + 1 other places...what do u do then? run?
Me thinks the best solution is to delete him from ur heart, by praying about it, loving urself more 4 who u r, and accepting ur completeness and wholeness without him...all d best dearie.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Take him off...
Take it easy...
E go betta...

LusciousRon said...

Take him off if it will make you feel better. Your man will come. Just be patient.

Pele. Pain does recede until we feel it no more.

Be easy.

Mocha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mocha said...

(((hugs)))

To say I know e-x-a-c-t-l-y how you feel would not even be close to an understatement cos I DO know how you feel.

I'm so sorry you had to find out like that..and I'm so sorry it had to cause you so much pain.
Pls take him off your fb..for your peace of mind..thats what I did.

You know how fb just ampilfies everything?
Next thing it'll be the pics, the wall posts, the smiling, the status msgs???
And it doesnt help that we're SO addicted to it????

I know the access to him in SOME form was comforting but you need to give yourself space and time to heal..not easy but you gotta try.

I'm sorry again..but it DOES get better..one day at a time.
((hugs))

Funms-the rebirth said...

Ms Emmotions: what happened to ur blog????????

Funms-the rebirth said...

Ms Emmotions: what happened to ur blog????????

MsAnonymous said...

Hey Aphrodite,

I have succeded in reading all your blogs and have come to the conclusion that Mr.O is not for you.
You shouldn't have to settle for less...In due time Mr. Right will come to you...Things come when you least expect it...

Also, try to open minded and don't be too quick to close the idea of other potential suitors. I myself have been guilty of it, but just have an open mind...

This is getting too long..lol...I enjoy reading your blogs.

PS. Guys check out my blog, help would be appreciated.

http://msanonymous-lostandfound.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

take him off ur facebook list most definately and start doing things u always wanted to do but never had the time. Time is the greatest healer and am sure u'll look back one days and thank god for giving you a better person, pele.

Princess Jumai said...

yeah like everyone else is saying just delete him.. there is a possibility thats hes just putting it up there to get to you.. guys are capable of something like that.. But the faster you cut him off from ur life the faster you'l start healing i guess.. sorry about it xx

FFF said...

on one hand, i'd say am happy this happened. cos if not, maybe one day one day, u'd still go back 2 him & say it's love. hopefully, now u'd see what we'd been seeing since. dat dude was never for u.

on d other hand, i understand ur pains. cos i've been there. mine, he brought d babe 2 our office christmas party. d shame & humilation of it. i tot i'd die. but today, am married & he's alone. d babe later left me & is now engaged 2 someone else. but i continue to praise God dat it happened dat way, because exactly 2 months later, i met my husband.

God will give u ur own man, aphro. He really want to get ur system cleaned of O, so u can be more willing to embrace where he is taking u

FFF said...

i remember those times i'd read ur blog post abt O, & i'd be fuming. 'is it dat dis girl doesn't see or what?'. my dear, start to thank your God that all this is happening now oh. dan dat u actually began d process of marrying this man & hear he don already wed someone else. true, e dey happen. he probably was weighing all along between d 2 of you, u & d girl he's now 'in a relationship' with. Yes, u feel bad now, but don't lose sight of d fact dat sometimes good thing come disguised as bad things.

Anonymous said...

Why is "In a Relationship" stuff on his FB getting you all worked up?? IT MEANS NOTHING!! I am in a relationship and my profile still reads "Single". Putting my current relationship status on FB aint important to me.

Read through your blog. Babe, you let O go! (But u can still get him back) No man is perfect. We all have our own flaws!! Stop looking for the perfect relationship. In my opinion, both U and O are too stubborn for each other. One of u has to mellow and i guess that person should be you. You and O just drifted apart because for no reason. Think of the good times you had and not the problems. When both parties start to focus on the bad instead of the good times....thats the prelude to ending the relationship.

You said you loved O but still had feelings for K. Still tagging with those other guys...all distractions! You compare O with the other guys....saying he is not Ibo, not catholic etc...distractions! Love is all about giving and not expecting anything in return. If you and O did this, there will be no problems.

Go look for him! Tell him you still love him!Admit your flaws. Tell him you are not perfect neither is he. Ask him if he still loves you and if he says he does...go on from there!

I cant even believe you are talking about Mr Holland in thism blog. Someone that is not even in the country. Nothing can come from it so you better remove him from your mind.I dont believe in distant relationships expecially one across borders. Send "Cheaters" to investigate him and you may even find out that he patronises the call girls in the Red Light districts where he resides.

Only if he tells you he is in another relationship with his own mouth ans tells you he is no longer in love with you, then can you move on.

Facebook ko....facebook ni!If you love O, humble yourself and go meet him and find out where his heart still lies!Youve put so much in the relationship for both of you to end it this way!What makes you think the next man that comes along will be better?

Spiritual husband? Bulls..t!If you had said yes to K or to one of those other guys by now you will be married so that spiritual crap dosent hold water. Its good you followed your heart with O cos u love him. If u love him, go fight for him. For all you know, O too may be out there hurting!

I know it can still work out between u and O. Let this blog end with you and O tieing the nut. Go take action girl!

Adunni said...

I dont know the details of ur break up with this guy but theres one thing i do know and that is DELETE HIM FROM UR FB FRIENDS LIST.. and your messanger .. and ur address book and delete all pictures of him.......ok ok im crazy.. i know.. but take this from someone who's been there done that.. i think they should give me a tshirt sef... u need to x the guy from your life. The longer u keep him a part of your life the harder and more painful this whole process will be.... i should know i kept going round and round in circles until GOD himself came and saved my sorry ass. Once youre able to x him from your life u can the begin the process of moving on with your life without any little tidbits of his life coming around to take you back to the place you thought you'd already left. I know how hard it is to let go but sometimes it takes the fire of heartbreak and loss to bring us to a better place and in this place we'll be as Gold.... I know its hard to do but it has got to be done or else the next tidbit you'll be seeing is "MARRIED" and that is even much worse.. harsh but its true...
Just take things easy and trust that you'll be better after this time.

AnyaPosh said...

awww, that really sucks! Kai...shet men. Don't worry dear. It must hurt especially when you didn't have that public facebook title when you were together. My sneaky self is thinking he's doing it to spite you & kinda show off. But it really sucks babe. I know where you're at. But this is all the more the perfect time for you to quit thinking about him ^ get on with your OWN life.

With time you'll forget those plans that 2 of u had for your future. It was a mist. Now you can see clearly.

Dorah said...

Damn...I was rooting you and him. He's an ass. You should delete him. I really thought he was the one for you. I hope you heal, girl!

PS
Love the blog!

Simi Speaks said...

pele love! something tells me he's really NOT in a relationship. he might have done that to spite you. call me crazy :-)

Lady Koko said...

omg!!!!!!!!! YES....I WUD TAKE HIM OFF FB...COS WHAT U DNT SEE WONT HURT AS BAD.....WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE PUTS PICS OF HIM AND THIS SUPPOSED WOMAN UP/......i think losing contact totally will really help the moving on process!
p.s: STAY STRONG DARL!!!!!!!!! UR OWN IS ON ITS WAY! XOXOXOOXX

Miss Diva ! said...

Aphrodite! Take a deep breathe and know that what has happened is for the best.. what you need to do is go from the beginning and read all your posts, the amount of times that he has made u happy is wayyy less than the amount of time he has made u sad(trust me.. i read ur whole blog all night).. U'll be fine.. u seem to have a very strong personality and I admire that about you! kisses!

FineBoy Agbero said...

Pele. I told you ooooo! You should have listened all along ooooo!

Delete him o jare. Abi, you won't accept that one too?

Aphrodite said...

@wordmerchant, yes thanks babes.
@justdoyin, i feel u dear. Trying to delete him from my heart permanantly.
@Solomonsydelle, yes e go better...in fact e don better already,lol...
@lusciousron, thanks for the advice.
@Mocha, thanks for the hugs dearie.
@funms, i was wondering the same thing...Ms Emmotions tell us o...:)
@Msanonymous, glad u enjoyed reading my posts. Will check u out soon. Thanks for the advice too.
@anonymous, thanks dear.
@princess jumai, whatever his reasons, I have already removed him from my FB list.
@FFF, thanks for the encouragement my sister and thanks for having my back all these while.
@Anonymous, hmmm...i should be asking why you are getting all agitated? Na O send u?lol…
U sure u read the posts properly? I dont remember ever having feelings for K much less posting anything like that....and I dont have to wait for O to tell me "Get lost" to my face before I move on. NO WAY!
BTW, you really feel strongly that nothing can work between me & Mr.Holland. So u are a prophet too?
Thanks for ur comment all the same.
@Adunni, thanks too.
@anyaposh,lol....it was really a mist...
@Dorah, big ass o...glad u love my blog.
@simi, no i wont call u crazy dear, you may very well be right. Spite me...indeed!
@lady Koko, yes oooooo...my own dey come...
@miss Dive, thanks babes. Kisses too.
@FBA,lol...I accept oooooo:)Been a while i was at urs, no vex jare.

Pink Lips said...

It gets better trust me!!! And fb is really a waste of time anyways, so spend less time on dat damn site, its broken hearts, relationships and generally puts pple in trouble.

Vera Ezimora said...

Aphrodite, you know one thing I love about your posts? You're always so real.

As for that dude, fashy him. I know it still hurts. By God, I understand your pain. You should definitely take him off your facebook page... or else you'll continue checking his page out. Whatever is causing you any sort of pain should be cut off one time.

Aphrodite said...

@pinklips & Vera,thanks babes.

rayo said...

i think he shld totally b off ur fb, u dont nid that kinda shit at all at least not when its still raw. sorry abt it tho, shitty stuff.

Miss Fluff said...

*Hugs to heaven* We both seem to be going through the same thing. Heartbreaks come, when we search for love. It's all part of the territory. I'm so sorry, your heart is broken right now. I'm still trying to mend mine, after a year long ring-around-the-rosie, with someone. But, it gets better one day at a time. Just gatehr the people who love you around you, cry as often as you must. And remember, one day, you'll be in your future, and you won't even remember this. :)

Miss K said...

Deleting him frm FB may sound petty but hey its the best thing. Ive done it b4. deleted the guy , thot i was good then added him again and eventually just deleted him for good. lol.

Please delete him from your FB, sharp sharp! lol. no point seeing things (status, pics or wateva) that will make u hurt and feel sad over again. Get over him n rid of him in ur mind and u will be good! :-)

Tisha said...

hey
its wonderful to have feelings
cos having no feelings is worse
Let him go
time with him was wasted but i hope you learnt something

I could be romantic and say he put it up to hurt you
but then again
maybe he's found a gal who's constantly nagging him to do whats right
now think abt it
do you want to have to nag someone to acknowledge you
or you want someone who will love the whole of you

yes, it hurts but you want true love me too!
hope i don't sound crazy but i am enjoying blogging again

Tisha said...

hey
its wonderful to have feelings
cos having no feelings is worse
Let him go
time with him was wasted but i hope you learnt something

I could be romantic and say he put it up to hurt you
but then again
maybe he's found a gal who's constantly nagging him to do whats right
now think abt it
do you want to have to nag someone to acknowledge you
or you want someone who will love the whole of you

yes, it hurts but you want true love me too!
hope i don't sound crazy but i am enjoying blogging again